My brother and I have been working well together so far. This looks like it could be for at least 6 months or longer, depends on his progress or lack of. I have been staying here 24 hours a day with 1-2 days off. We did not want him to go to a nursing home they cost so much and he would pay. He receives a substantial amount of money every month. Is it wrong to think I should be paid some kind of living expenses? I am away from my 14 year old and my home. I think my brother thinks we should not expect money for helping our father. What should I do?
DO THIS LIKE TOMORROW!
If we are misunderstanding, please clarify. The lack of knowledge about what people are eligible for mystifies me. Get i touch with the case manager to see what help he can get.
Why would you not spend his money on him? He saved for this “rainy day” & what better way should it be spent if not on him?
He needs proper positioning and skin care, speech therapy, OT and PT as well as monitoring for aspiration and bowel and bladder management.
Speak to his PCP and get him into rehab. As someone said above, withholding care because you think it’s too expensive can be considered elder abuse especially if he saved money for his old age and has the financial resources.
Spend his money on his needs, which are great right now.
It’s nice that you all are working as a team but what therapy is he receiving now with you and your brother? Are you getting him out of bed, teaching him to live with paralysis or weakness on one side, etc?
He may need the mental stimulation of a rehab center so he doesn’t dwell on himself and his illness or he may begin to feel guilty for causing his family to put their lives on hold for him which can lead to his developing depression.
Please reconsider and get him in a rehab center for everyone’s benefit, especially his. Plus your 14 y/o son needs care and supervision as well. Goodness knows what trouble he can get into without his mother being there for him.
You say that your father would pay and he has the money. I would look into the rehab or paying for home health who are trained to care for stroke survivors. As to being compensated if you are missing work, and you would rather help your father than an outside professional, I see no reason why he should not compensate you for the money you are losing. The reality is that people still have financial responsibilities.
I am really surprised that the hospital didn't insist on Rehab, or was this Dad's decision to go back home?
It is great that you and your brother are working as a team. Eventually you would need to get back to your family, the same with your brother. Would your Dad be able to afford 3 shifts of caregivers? Mine you, this will be expensive. Much more expensive then living in assistant living or a nursing home.
Back when my Dad had a heart attack, my Mom refused to let the hospital transfer Dad to a Rehab center, she said she could do all the care and rehab he needed. Mom learned after two days she just couldn't do what was needed. Good heavens, both she and Dad were in their 90's. Mom finally allowed physical therapy to come to house. But it really took Dad a very long time to recover. If he was in Rehab, he would have been much healthier and stronger, and recovered sooo much quicker.
Just food for thought.
You haven't talked to him about this?
Do! There are practical realities which still apply, even when the person in need is one's beloved father. You should certainly discuss payment for any costs you've incurred through staying with your father such as travel, loss of earnings, additional support for your child while you're away. You can none of you afford to be squeamish about this - I know it's awkward, but care and time and services and living in general cost money. It's just the facts of life. Start the conversation so that everyone knows where everyone stands, it doesn't have to be an argument.
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