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I ask her why and she can't say. My father years back too when we didn't know much about dementia did the same thing. Is there any reason for this? Not wanting to sleep in their own bed?
We are 66 and occasionally we too sleep sitting up in a reclining position. Hubby sometimes has an indigestion problem that is eased by staying sitting up, he puts his feet up though with a cushy pillow under the legs. At other times we have had congestion & sinus problems and have both used the recliners to stay more elevated. Sometimes the problems resolve themselves by about 4 a.m., then we feel like we can finally go lie down.
FF, I'm having a good chuckle visualizing you moving the car jack to the bedroom, getting into running position and sprinting like a pole vaulter to get in the bed, and creating a ladder or something for your cat to get on top of the bed with you.
Today's new mattresses are terrible for us older folks. The mattress it self is now so thick and heavy you need to use a car-jack to lift up the corners of the mattress to tuck in the sheets. Hate it with a passion, just bought it 6 months ago. And the bed now sits up higher so you need to get a running start to jump into bed. Even my elderly cat can no longer jump on top of the bed [he could with the old mattress].
This was part of my mother’s dementia ramp-up, too.
Mom’s living room looked like a hobo camp. The bedroom went untouched. Well, untouched except for Mom’s increasingly deranged relationship with “storage” and “organization.”
One day, Mom would say she sleeps in the living room because the bed aggravated her “bad back.” And woe to anyone who dare suggest she tap into her $500K worth of assets for a new mattress and box spring. Hello, dementia fury!
The next day, Mom would look you in the eye and insist that she sleeps in the bedroom.
Yet another battle that wasn’t worth fighting. Yet another conversation —for lack of a better word — that wasn’t worth having.
Did I mention undiagnosed dementia? Mom was too special (martyr) and too busy (blankly creating piles of mail and catalogs all day) to see a doctor about her steadily-increasing issues.
Nope, Mom didn’t have a problem. The problem was anyone who dared to care about Mom. Anyone who challenged her crazy-town status quo. Anyone who wanted her to be safe and have the full spectrum of care that she needed.
Anyone else here cringe at the word “competent?”
Well, I’m competent, too. Competent enough to insist on a autopsy. Which was my first and last chance to transform 50% of my parental health history from conjecture to facts.
HolidayEnd makes good points, especially about breathing issues.
It may also be that b/c the bed is flat, it's harder to move over, around, and get in and out of.
If she feels she wants to sleep in a recliner, I'd try to find ways to accommodate that desire.
GrammyTeacher and MyPetunia, the staff at my father's SNF put pillows under his ankles and eventually between his knees as his weight dropped and the risk of pressure ulcers increased as he declined in health.
My mom loved falling asleep on the sofa at our house but would be wide awake (and not wanting to sleep) when we took her to her room to go to bed.
She could sleep all night on the sofa but would be getting out of bed every hour in her bedroom. (One of us always slept on a twin bed in her room to keep an eye on her.)
She is again having trouble sleeping at the memory care. They are treating her for a UTI. My mom has Alzheimer's stage 6, so the anxiety for laying down is probably caused by the infection.
God knows "why" for anything when it comes to dementia.
We had an alternating pressure mattress on Mom's recliner. It really helps with prevention of pressure ulcers. Small shifts in their seating helps too. Try foam wedges to change position too. My mom spent all day in the recliner, nights in the hospital bed with the head at a 45 degree angle. Both had alternating pressure pads
My mother 94 with Dementia sleeps on a recliner, in fact, she sits on it all day long. She refuses to use her bed. Her feet are so swollen from not being elevated. She refuses to keep her legs up in the recliner. I put her up she puts it down. She also has two pressure sores on her butt. I took her to a wound specialist who said as long as she is sitting on them, they won't heal. We got her a hospital bed, so she wouldn't have to sleep flat, and a gel mattress to help with the sores. Will not use it. At a loss, too.
Freqflyer, yes, we couldn’t blame gran at all. And those were the days when cigarette smoke was more wide spread and tolerated. (Now I can smell the smoke on a piece of paper that a smoker has handled!) I’d be on the couch too.
Rocketcat, regarding your Grandmother sleeping on the couch because her hubby smelled of smoke.
Even if Grandpa took a shower, washed his hair, brushed his teeth, changed his garments, put on Old Spice, that tobacco smell is there all the time because it is embedded in his lungs. Every time he would exhale, Grandma would smell the cigarettes.... more so if they were together in bed :(
Willy, it could be the recliner is more like a "cocoon" for your Mom, she feels safer. I would just let her sleep there as long as the room temperature is normal.
Could also be a case where your Mom misses your Dad not being in the bed, if your Dad had passed not that long ago.
A 100 y/o lady in Moms NH sleeps in a recliner in the living room adjacent to the nursing station. She didn’t like sleeping in her room and would try to get up at night so her family purchased a recliner for her and that’s where she sleeps. Rarely goes to her room unless to use the bathroom or get dressed. Everyone just goes along with it for her safety and happiness. My gran slept on the couch for years because she didn’t like the smell of grandpas “smokiness” even tho he didn’t smoke in the house. No biggie.
My mother has been sleeping on the couch for decades. Perhaps it's easier to get up or stay alert for any noises through the night. It seems very uncomfortable to us but they must have a reason that makes sense to them. I learned along time ago to let her be or she gets very angry at me even though my intentions were only to help her. My best advice is always consult the physician. It seems most of the time let them do what they want. The best to you and your mom.
A reason? There really isn't a way to reason with dementia. It could be something as simple as she does not find her bed comfortable or as complicated as she thinks there are bedbugs or snakes under the bed or it is not her bed. Probably not even possible to ask her why and get an answer that would make sense to you. She may even be trying to devise a way to get out of there.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Mom’s living room looked like a hobo camp. The bedroom went untouched. Well, untouched except for Mom’s increasingly deranged relationship with “storage” and “organization.”
One day, Mom would say she sleeps in the living room because the bed aggravated her “bad back.” And woe to anyone who dare suggest she tap into her $500K worth of assets for a new mattress and box spring. Hello, dementia fury!
The next day, Mom would look you in the eye and insist that she sleeps in the bedroom.
Yet another battle that wasn’t worth fighting. Yet another conversation —for lack of a better word — that wasn’t worth having.
Did I mention undiagnosed dementia? Mom was too special (martyr) and too busy (blankly creating piles of mail and catalogs all day) to see a doctor about her steadily-increasing issues.
Nope, Mom didn’t have a problem. The problem was anyone who dared to care about Mom. Anyone who challenged her crazy-town status quo. Anyone who wanted her to be safe and have the full spectrum of care that she needed.
Anyone else here cringe at the word “competent?”
Well, I’m competent, too. Competent enough to insist on a autopsy. Which was my first and last chance to transform 50% of my parental health history from conjecture to facts.
It may also be that b/c the bed is flat, it's harder to move over, around, and get in and out of.
If she feels she wants to sleep in a recliner, I'd try to find ways to accommodate that desire.
GrammyTeacher and MyPetunia, the staff at my father's SNF put pillows under his ankles and eventually between his knees as his weight dropped and the risk of pressure ulcers increased as he declined in health.
She could sleep all night on the sofa but would be getting out of bed every hour in her bedroom. (One of us always slept on a twin bed in her room to keep an eye on her.)
She is again having trouble sleeping at the memory care. They are treating her for a UTI. My mom has Alzheimer's stage 6, so the anxiety for laying down is probably caused by the infection.
God knows "why" for anything when it comes to dementia.
My mom has dementia and has taken to her recliner and I, that do not have dementia, do have a broken back, unfixable.
Even if Grandpa took a shower, washed his hair, brushed his teeth, changed his garments, put on Old Spice, that tobacco smell is there all the time because it is embedded in his lungs. Every time he would exhale, Grandma would smell the cigarettes.... more so if they were together in bed :(
Could also be a case where your Mom misses your Dad not being in the bed, if your Dad had passed not that long ago.