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My dad is 84 and frail. He struggles with cognitive issues and Parkinson's. My mom is 81 and her primary health issue that is a daily problem for my dad is her incontinence. Every night she wets the bed and my dad has to change her soiled sheets. Every day she wears an adult diaper and makes no effort to go to use the bathroom. Her response when asked about this is "I'm lazy". For their level of care, the assisted living facility isn't responsible for clean sheets so the facility isn't at fault. They need help with organization and cleaning as well as the soiled sheets. My dad is exhausted and just can't take care of my mom like he has been. They have been married for 62 years and don't want to live separately. What kind of additional care could be hired to help them on a daily basis? They have long-term health care insurance that I hope will help pay for this. Any ideas, help, experiences about this issue would be greatly appreciated! Thank you!

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I did Moms laundry. But, if she soiled the bed it was up to the aide to strip it and put on clean sheets, that Mom needed to provide. Even though I did her laundry, she was level 4 and soiled sheets were to be laundered at the time they are soiled by the staff. I would say you need to talk to the director about what level you parents are on. Maybe Dad is one level and Mom another. Be ready for a big increase for her care.
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“Our” MemoryCare facility was able to provide for couples who wished to live together, and the care there was appropriate for the needs you describe.
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Assisted Living facilities should all provide levels of care, 1 thru 4. Your parents are probably at a level 1 where no services are provided, and need to bump up a level or 2 to where housekeeping, laundry and incontinence services are provided at an additional cost. If such care services are NOT provided, this is not "Assisted Living" they're in at all and they need to move. I will say I've never heard of an AL that did not include laundry and weekly housekeeping in the monthly rent! Sounds ludicrous to me, frankly.

Before you move them or hire additional help, ASK their AL administration what care levels THEY offer and the pricing, which should be less expensive than hiring out.

Good luck.
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Discuss this with your facility. They will have suggestions for you about hiring one-one help, or in this case 1-2 help to prevent that time when the move to memory care is needed. It will, sadly, be costly. Discuss best options with the facility and make clear the importance of making their money last so long as you are able if that is the case.
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