My boyfriend takes care of his elderly grandparents. One has dementia and is hardly mobile. The other has dementia and it is starting to progress. When we first started dating, we were able to spend some days together and even go on trips. Now, we see each other once a week or sometimes once every two weeks. We have been adjusting our schedules but lately that isn’t enough. Almost every time we’re together he must abruptly leave and go take care of any issue they are having. His parents are in the picture but it feels like he does the most and is sacrificing the most. It pains him to give up time together but he feels like it’s his duty. I want to be as supportive as possible but I just don’t know what the right way is or if I have the strength to endure it. We’re in our mid 20s and it’s the time where we start thinking about our futures. What happens if in 20 years he has to take care of his parents? I’d appreciate any comments or advice.
Caring for his parents...this is a good question. You are seeing the future with the way he is with his grands. He may be like this with his parents. If u ended up getting married, this may not be a good thing. When u marry you should be his number one and any children u may have. He needs to understand this before u marry. What he may owe his parents is to make sure they are safe and cared for. It doesn't need to be him doing the physical caring.
I would not make any longterm plans. I personally would not marry someone who felt that they had to be at a parent or grandparents beck and call. Just take it easy now. Find other interests to keep you occupied. And never agree to move in with grandparents or parents to help with their care. There are horror stories on this forum where a poster did just that and now regrets it.
You should be a mans #1. He should be doing everything he can to be with you. His grands are going to get worse. His parents need to step up to the plate and place them in an Assisted Living on LTC.
Do they live with somone or are they on their own? Do these emergencies REALLY require immediate attendence (i.e., there's a fire, a flood, there is blood flowing) or is it something that can wait (the TV won't work, I can't turn on the computer, I'm scared).
Only you and he can determine if you want your future to be dictated by the needs of his elders. In some cultures, that's the norm and if you marry into it, you are making that choice. Just don't think that it's going to change.