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3 days a week! the question is when i leave for the caretaker, she goes thru a crying, yelling, angry, etc state and bangs the doors. She does not get aggressive with the caretaker but it is difficult. I know I am with her many hours but is there any suggestions on how to make this easier? we say it is only for 5 minutes when i leave but…

Ask her doctor for calming meds.
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Billspirit Aug 20, 2024
understand response. but i am really careful and concerned about loading her up with medicine. each time she goes to a new or modified dose, i stay with her solely to judge the impact.
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See if you can have the caregiver create a new routine with your wife as soon as she arrives. Perhaps go out into the yard for some fresh air and to smell the flowers..in other words, take her away from the scene of you leaving the house. Since its such a short lived 5 minute event, it'd be better than giving her a sedative that lasts for hours, imo.
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Billspirit Aug 20, 2024
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I agree with the distraction strategy 100%. She is "shadowing" which is a common dementia behavior.

Dementia robs people of reason and logic and therefore they can no longer bring their own selves to a place of acceptance, understanding, contentment or peace. Meds are merciful solution for our LOs with anxiety and agitation.
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MiaMoor Aug 24, 2024
Billspirit,

I would 100% follow Geaton's advice.

In your position (and I have recently been in a similar one) I would weigh up my LO's agitation against the side effects of meds.
If the side effect you are most afraid of is your wife no longer being herself because of sedation (that had been my fear), then consider if she is herself when she is agitated and crying.

It's difficult, I know. I hope that things become easier for both of you.
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