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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Late stage means different things to different people, is she still mobile and physically able to to change her own clothes? Some things to consider - perhaps she no longer recognizes you and is afraid to change in front of a strange man, allowing her privacy could help. She may be open to "trying on" a different outfit to "see if it still fits" (or whatever). Does she not want to change into night clothes to go to bed either - that's often a good opportunity to toss worn clothes directly into the washer. I'm guessing that bath/shower time is also a problem, sometimes having someone come in to help with that task works better then attempts by family members and it gets those clothes off once or twice a week. And something to consider when absolutely desperate, if you "accidentally" spill a large glass of water all down her front she will need to get into something dry.
FIRST OFF- ANYBODY who is doing the kind of “caring” you are CAN NOT be “HomelyandBald”. I bet you have a smile that goes for miles and miles and miles, so THERE’S THAT.
But that said, should we assume that you take excellent care of her, while ALSO taking excellent care of yourself, or does caregiving consume most or all of your present life?
You know of course, that your wife is most likely well past the point where any kind of reasoning or coaxing is pretty meaningless.
So, some thoughts- is her clothing quick and easy to get in or out of? Does she already have, or an you get for her, garments that are basically the same style so that she can go from soiled to clean garments without having to replan how to do it? Does she have garments that come off and go on without fasteners (elastic, Velcro, large soft tie straps....)? Does she appear to demonstrate any preferences for any particular garment items?
Can you incentivize her dressing and undressing, using any favored activities? Soft music, small food treats, costume jewelry, scarves, any small pleasant reinforcer for desired action?
Do you have help in your home? Is it possible to distract her while someone else “helps” her dress?
How “combative” does she get? Could she harm you or herself? Have you considered an assessment by a physician who can offer a small dose of mood stabilizer?
Have you considered how long you can continue before you’ll need more help, and where and how you’ll acquire the help you need?
Hoping these comments may be food for thought for you.
Thank you for your encouraging words, My philosophy has become "Laugh when you can, cry if you must." I have some CNAs come and help with showers and she has shoved them a couple of times. This is totally foreign to her personality. My daughter and I have an appoinment next week to discuss moving her into a health care facility with a good program for Alzheimer's patients. Again, I appreciate your encouragement.
It is surprising what someone else can do. If you can get a caregiver from an agency to come in to help with mornings getting dressed and if needed a shower. The caregiver can also do light housework so change the bed sheets or doing a load of your wife's clothes would fall into that task. Even if she puts up a fight about it this is what they get paid to do and makes them the "bad guy" not you. And I am sure you could use a bit of help anyway if you are caring for her on your own.
Does your wife change into PJ's for bed? If so take the clothes she took off and put them in the wash and put clean clothes in the place she left the soiled ones. My Husband would take off his clothes and put his PJ's on and then fold up the soiled ones and put them by his recliner. I would take the soiled ones and fold up clean ones and put them by his recliner. (when he was showering I would sneak into the bathroom and grab his underwear and PJ's to wash) At least he was showering!!
It may be coming to a time when she requires long term care in a nursing home. It is often difficult for family members to get cooperations with activities of daily living, whereas when in care this just gets done, period. Only you can judge when this 24/7 care is too much for you.
Afternoon much prayer and discussion, we moved my wife into an assisted living facility. It was emotionally painful at first but it was the best thing for all of us. I can't believe how well the family has adjusted and how rested and stress free I feel.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
But that said, should we assume that you take excellent care of her, while ALSO taking excellent care of yourself, or does caregiving consume most or all of your present life?
You know of course, that your wife is most likely well past the point where any kind of reasoning or coaxing is pretty meaningless.
So, some thoughts- is her clothing quick and easy to get in or out of?
Does she already have, or an you get for her, garments that are basically the same style so that she can go from soiled to clean garments without having to replan how to do it?
Does she have garments that come off and go on without fasteners (elastic, Velcro, large soft tie straps....)?
Does she appear to demonstrate any preferences for any particular garment items?
Can you incentivize her dressing and undressing, using any favored activities? Soft music, small food treats, costume jewelry, scarves, any small pleasant reinforcer for desired action?
Do you have help in your home? Is it possible to distract her while someone else “helps” her dress?
How “combative” does she get? Could she harm you or herself? Have you considered an assessment by a physician who can offer a small dose of mood stabilizer?
Have you considered how long you can continue before you’ll need more help, and where and how you’ll acquire the help you need?
Hoping these comments may be food for thought for you.
Does your wife change into PJ's for bed? If so take the clothes she took off and put them in the wash and put clean clothes in the place she left the soiled ones. My Husband would take off his clothes and put his PJ's on and then fold up the soiled ones and put them by his recliner. I would take the soiled ones and fold up clean ones and put them by his recliner. (when he was showering I would sneak into the bathroom and grab his underwear and PJ's to wash) At least he was showering!!
I bet you love being able to just be her husband and do enrichment activities with her and not have to battle her.
God bless you and your family. Well done sir!