We have been here 2-1/2 years, she has been on the block for about 6 weeks. We keep to ourselves and don't know any of our neighbors more than on a neighborly level. Since she has moved in, two neighbors in particular go over to her house constantly and offer to do chores, mow lawns, etc. They are both retired married men with their own homes to take care of. She lets them do some things, but has hired help for most of it, which she had long before she moved here. Yesterday one of the neighbors approached me and said he had been fixing her sprinkler for the second time. I just smiled and said don't get in over your head. He pointed his finger, shaking it at me and said I need to spend more time over there. I am so angry - he has no idea what we do! We had total peace and quiet and now we've got accusatory neighbors thinking we are neglecting the poor little old lady. I didn't even know what to say other than we both work full time jobs and are raising children still. We do go over there several times a week and do all sorts of things. Sometimes we are over there several times a day doing errands, watering plants, moving furniture, getting things off tall shelves and you name - and just yesterday when this went down, my husband was fixing her car in our garage. I am beside myself. I asked her what she had been telling the neighbors and she simply said to ignore them. My daughter says she was over there when this particular neighbor was at my MIL's house and he was going around pointing out things she needs done in her yard and saying your son should be doing this, why isn't your son over here, I never see your family over here. The nerve! Is he watching her house all hours? I don't know why this is bothering me so much except for the fact that when we do say no to her, she goes into a tantrum and says we never help her and will act like a victim, so I don't know what to believe. I knew her moving across the street would have it's issues, but I never imagined that the neighbors would be butting in like that. How do I handle them? I just want peace and not have anyone in my business.
It is possible that Mr. Busybody is not firing on all cylinders himself. Maybe his wife is wringing her hands trying to figure out how to reign him in. Maybe he has the beginnings of dementia. Who knows? You just want him out of your hair without starting WWIII in your neighborhood, right?
By the way, is MIL in the beginnings of dementia, or just a manipulative old biddy with her tantrums and lies?
Here's a thought. You and Hubby ave Mr. Busybody AND his wife over. Serve lemonade and pastires or whatever is appropriate in you neighborhood. Tell them that you are glad to have Mom living so close now, and that it gives you more opportunites to help her. She is still funtioning independently and you want to preserve that as long as possible. She decides what work to have hired, what she wants to ask you for, and what, if anything, she will accept from others. You are not her gaurdians nor her fulltime caregivers. How much help you provide and in what way is a family matter, not open to input from the neighborhood. Mom is sometimes confused about family matters and it would be good to not take everything she says as absolute truth. Of course they are free to relate to her in any way they see fit. You are glad to see her making friends in the neighborhood.
Do you think you and Hubby could pull that off? Would seeing how Mrs. Busybody fits in be useful?
And if all else fails ... "I can tell, Mr. Busybody, that you feel strongly about this. If you think that failure to divide and transplant Mother's peony bushes constitutes neglect, then perhaps you should contact Adult Protectives Services and see if they agree." Snicker snicker. "Would you care for another snickerdoodle?"
Sounds like MIL hiring non-family would result in less turmoil.