Father in law medically is in fair shape for having COPD and congestive heart failure due to care and meds. However the NH wants to send him to Assisted living. The family would like to see him stay in the NH.
He also has moderate dementia diagnosis and fails testing for decisional capacity. He probably has narcissistic personality disorder and grandiose thoughts of himself. He thinks he can do anything and dosent care who gets hurt in the process.
We don't know what to do with him. He won't listen to us and says he fired his son as healthcare proxy. (Son is also POA) but I guess that's also in question. The father also makes false accusations about theft, and tells the NH that the only thing he will accept is to go home. We all know that's not the place for him.
I hope the Dr. is somehow able to help you convince the NH. I know what a hard time this is.
I cannot imagine a nursing home being unable to deal with dementia patients. I would bet the majority of nursing home patients have some type of dementia.
The nursing home would be able to pursue guardianship if he is a danger to himself.
If you cannot afford an elder care attorney, contact your local area office of the aging. They should be able to help guide you.
Usually with Assisted Living, the facilities are self-pay unless Dad's State has a waiver program which would pay some of the cost. With a nursing home, it is either self-pay or paid by Medicaid.
The family feels terrible about all of this, if he would only listen to reason he could have more freedom, but we all know he will stop his meds, make poor decisions, etc, and end up back in the hospital. We are thinking that we may need to pursue some court order to keep him in a NH and safe from himself and for the safety of others. We have a meeting next week with the neurologist that did the decisional capacity evaluation.
I think you nailed it with your comment, "I think they are tired of his antics." They basically don't want to deal with him. However, if he is already demonstrating suspicious behavior, and from other things you have mentioned, assisted living may not be the right environment. I would speak with his physician for assistance with the decision. It may be rough having him at home for your family. Perhaps an adult family home environment could be considered?
As for your father-in-law accusing someone of theft, don't take this lightly, It happens to the elderly more often than you may realize. In fact, there was a POA living with my dad who ended up stealing from him and I'm dealing with the aftermath of it now since he died. If an elder suspects theft, please, take it seriously because more times than not, the elder is usually right. I strongly encourage you to do your homework on this one because it's more common than you may realize. Go onto YouTube and type in elder financial abuse and educate yourself about what really goes on behind our backs, it will definitely shock you. Another thing to look at is about abusive guardianships. Abusive probate guardianships are also more common than you think because they're actually predatory. There's a video out there in three parts titled, "how your elderly parents will become wards of the state". I strongly encourage you to educate yourself about the very high risk of someone else having access to your money and assets, this will really open your eyes and your jaw will probably drop wide open. After starting to deal with the after affects of elder financial abuse against my bio dad with Alzheimer's, I started doing my homework and finding out things I didn't otherwise no and I never would've otherwise known had it not been for what was uncovered after dad's death. If your father-in-law yells theft, immediately investigate very thoroughly because more times than not the elder is usually right if something that really does go missing. The trick is to find out why that something is missing because more times than not it turns out to be theft and usually by someone closest to you but not always
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