For years my mom lived alone in her home, in a different state than me. We had the help of a home care agency on a very part time basis. I flew there several times a year, called her everyday and was in touch with her caregivers and doctors on a regular basis. My sister and her adult son lived about 15 minutes away and never once set foot on her doorstep. Not for birthdays, no holidays, not to take her for a short walk on a sunny day, nothing. There was never a card in the mail or sticky note on the door. Now that my mother's health is deteriorating and my husband and I sacrificed a lot of our own time and finances to work tirelessly to move her to our state, get her stabilized, get her home cleaned and sold, now I'm getting phone calls and texts requesting information about my mom from the estranged family members. She moved her 5 months ago and the only reason they even noticed is because now there is a "sold" sign in front of her home. I do not feel like I should have to update them on her condition and how everything has progressed in the last few years. I'm her POA as well as her trustee and I am doing everything by the letter of the law where her finances are concerned. My family and I, husband, children and in-laws are the people in my mom's life and always have been there for her since my father passed away. She has dementia and Parkinson's and needs a lot of love and care and attention and after everything I've been through I do not have the time nor the desire to have to explain anything to anyone who chose to abandone their loved one for years but now "want answers". Am I wrong? I just don't know how to respond because I'm certain they don't want to know how I really feel about them.
Thank you Christine73, to you and all the people that give such great supportive answers! It's strange but it has helped me to just read the answers on this site/forum and the only people who truly know how hard it is to watch your loved one deteriorate like this are the one's who've experienced it first hand. My mom isn't "perfect" but was always there for me when I needed her and I just want to make sure she's safe and happy. I am definitely trying to keep good records and I'm thankful to have the resources that it takes to make sure she has the best care possible.
You don't owe her anything. Use your discretion. If she's poison, protect your mother from her. If she's just harmless and selfish, you can give her your mom's contact info, but you might want to first ask mom if she wants to hear from your sister. I did, and I was surprised when my mother said no. Either way, you are NOT wrong. Thank God your mother has someone like you in her life.
Denverfan, do you think maybe that is what was going on with the *estranged* family members? Now that Mom is safely placed in a retirement home, everyone can now breath a sigh of relief.
Then inform AL that your sister can not visit without notifying you first...
I know sister lives in other state, but you never know what she's capable of when $ is involved...
You tell them how busy you are, you can mention that the sale of the house is going towards mom's care, and you say any help they could provide would be appreciated(that's usually enough with these types to get them to back off).
And I am serious about recording phone calls if that is legal in your state, but that I mean recording without them knowing they're being recorded.
I know of case that went to court over a will dispute and the caregiver recorded her brother(unknown to him) saying he didn't care if the sister took mom out in the backyard and shot her(lovely isn't it), but it was proof and horrified the judge.
When you're dealing with scum, you have to be on the ball.
On a personal level give up the hate. Try to keep love in your heart, concentrate on love of Mom, and forget the siblings. I struggle every day with the hate, as they come back from their week vacations, and think 2 hours a week when convenient is a help. It just sucks the joy out of living. Good luck I think you are a wonderful loving person. I hope life rewards you with much happiness.
The energy of contemplating this question just gives you more negative energy. Make it brief and quick and move on with mom's care.
No, you're not wrong. You know why they're concerned? The house was sold. It's about the $$$$$$. I would get copies of those texts and let your mother's lawyer know what is going on. I also would record(yes that's right record) any phone conversations. Find out if that is legal in CO first, or whatever state you're in.
They're horrible people, as soon as you said "sold the house"...that's there concern. Of course they don't want to know how you or your mom are, they're concern is where is that money from the sale.
Best of luck.