It's apparently just a last minute one-time thing, but it makes me feel vulnerable. I really don't like when people don't take care of their own business, and it falls on my shoulders. I don't want to say no, because it seems wrong. At the same time, I worry about the ability of the CG to adequately care for two individuals OR supervise their kid the entire time to make sure they don't put anything in their pocket. They're also getting paid to do a job, and I volunteer (would never accept money from GM) to do the same thing so it frustrates me that I can't have peace of mind the few days a week I'm not there. One of her rings has been missing for a few weeks, and my radar is up. I don't like that I think that way, but I can't help it.
If the individual receiving care is delighted by the young child, and made to feel even happier, is there a problem?
I wouldnt be too mad at the caregiver for making the suggestion. After all she didn’t refuse to come.
If you are flexible with her, she will be flexible with you.
Set the expectations though. If this situation simply is not acceptable to you, either flat out say, “no” or tell her that your expectation is that it won’t happen again
Just my 2 cents but figured worth a mention. A similar conversation happened at my house .. my daughter and her grandma’s caregiver were just comparing daycare situations. My daughter being concerned told her “ while in between why don’t you bring her here with you” ( they both have 3 yo girls) The caregiver quickly stated “ So thoughtful but against the rules as well as unprofessional” ... she would never bring a child to a clients house for the sake of everyone involved as well as she would be at risk of losing her job with the agency. They ended up planning a play date at the park and the caregiver hired a sitter at her own house.
Caregivers are there to care for the patient. They are getting paid to do a job. Parenting is a job. How can a person do two jobs at once effectively? Why should a patient get shortchanged if the caregiver is paying attention to her child? The patient shouldn’t have to complete with a child. It would be an awkward situation.
I love children but it just isn’t professional. When I worked and it would have never crossed my mind to bring my kid.
About the missing ring. I did hair when I was younger and became great friends with an older woman who use to go to the beauty salon. I used her as my model when I took my state board test and she followed me from the school to the salon I started at. I went to dinner several times with her and her son. We use to make tequilas on Monday nights and watch Survivor. About ten years after I had first met her i got a call from her son saying Mom was very upset and had been looking everywhere for her wedding ring. She had told him I was the last one at her appartment but she didn't want to confront me. I was hurt that she would even think I would do that. Two days later son called again mom found her ring. I was still young and naive about mental issues regarding the elderly back then and just chalked it up to a one time thing. A month later I got another call this time it was from the police. They said someone had filled s complaint involving me and I had to go down town and be questioned. Someone has stolen my older friends jewelry box and I was the prime suspect. I was floored! She insisted that I was the only one who knew where it was and that I had asked her to show me her jewelry. None of this was true. I was scared and pissed. She told me if I returned it she wouldn't press charges. I tried to tell her I had no idea what she was talking about but she was convinced. Long story short her once a week house keeper who she never mentioned to anyone was arrested for pawning some of her jewelry. Thank God the pawn dealer was on top of things and checked the stolen property reports the police hand out.
Turns out the house keeper was a cousin and had been helping her for 20 years. She only came once a month for a couple of hours and went under the radar.
That pretty much ended our friendship and she became increasingly paranoid before she passed.
Locking up her valuables wouldn't have stopped her dementia but, IMHO, it would have curbed some of her earlier distrusts and maybe even helped her quality of life in the end.
What an awkward, awful ordeal to go through. I agree, the end of a friendship for sure. How could you ever trust her after that?
Something i've noticed that's odd is a few times i've been by randomly to check in, caregivers will just randomly get calls and put it on speakerphone. My GM has hearing aids and dementia and any "noise" just adds to the confusion. I don't understand why it's not common sense that these are not appropriate work things. It bothers me a lot, I'm starting to feel like the bar is pretty low and that maybe taking advantage is common in these situations(especially with multiple CG who constantly change).
Ask yourself why it seems 'wrong' to you to express yourself/your feelings and needs, and set boundaries in this situation (and/or others)? When you realize you need to change your behavior and feelings, take control and responsibility for what you need to do, you will be able to do it. Yes, asserting yourself and your needs will initially feel uncomfortable because you are not used to doing it and any change in behavior is 'uncomfortable.' Nothing is falling on your shoulders - in this regard - unless you allow it.
I agree with many others. All valuables need to be locked up and/or at least 'out of easy visual sight.
Do you 'like' these children?
I am a strong believer in inter-generational support and socialization. Perhaps on occasion, the 'kids' can accompany the caregiver(s), if you feel it is appropriate. However, you need to make the rules that fit your comfort zone. This is your home and the responsibility for care - and the considerations - is up to you.
If your parent is impaired physically and/or cognitively, it is not appropriate to put that on you to accept their child's presence. They may very well be the most well behaved child and even helpful, but they could just a well be a little rascal who gets dangerously underfoot or causes other distractions.
Your worries seem right on point. Good luck sorting it out.
I had a woman with dementia take off her wedding ring and throw it across the room 3x. I tried to get her to put it back on. I took it to a nurse that had mult people around her. She logged it in, and called her family. They were greatful. I tried to get her to put it back on to no avail. So it is possible she took it off and its on the floor or in a drain trap. I hope you find it.
I was a caregiver in a memory support home and before that cared for a family member with dementia, for whom I employed home aides. I believe that theft is the exception to the rule, but it can happen and when it does, it's an ugly thing to deal with. And let's be honest, some items that are described as "stolen" by the person who needs the caregiver, has been misplaced by that person and will eventually turn up. We need to reduce as much as we can the possibility that one bad apple might commit theft or fraud.
It would have been inappropriate not to ask.
Yoh said it am was just a one time thing.
Thst's Life and things come up.
You can always say No.
The child - depends on how well behaved the child is. If not "perfect angel" so as not to distract from her duties too much, then ok. Otherwise, no.
The ring - are you sure it's "gone" and not misplaced? Is this the only caregiver you have? If yes to both, fire her. And then remove from the house, or keep behind a locked door all valuables. This includes all true valuables and those that might sell well or be considered 'cool to have/give'. No exceptions. Ever. Sorry, that's the truth. And get nanny cams and use them. It's a worthwhile investment. Watch them daily for a while then spot check. Because they are memory hogs, they over write themselves in a matter of days or a week (or so) depending on the settings. Do you have a log that the caregiver has to write down what they do during the day? You should. And read it. You have to do these things. So sorry. God bless.
I am of the frame of mind that there are lots of factors to consider.
1. How does GM feel about children?
2. Is caregiver offering a discount to you, since they can not provide the same care?
3. How does the child behave?
4. Assuming GM loves kids, can she participate in activities with the youngster?
I would think it could be a blessing for all of them. Our senior citizens have so much to offer young people and I think a one time deal could be used to break the monotony of life. If all the above is affirmative.
I owned a business and some took advantage of my easy going view point on kids in the office and others were more professional and wanted a separation of work and home. However, they would bring the youngsters in so they didn't have to call in sick and everyone was appreciative of the option to bring the kids to work. I did dock their pay based on time spent with the kidlets. Stopped abuse of the situation.
Use your best judgment, people will show their true colors. But I would demand a discount.
If you starting to have a not so "peace of mind" feeling and some jewelry is missing, I would report this person to the agency. You are paying them to provide and give 100% of their care, time and attention. If this person is unable to do that then she needs to find another occupation. In an afterthought, maybe you should remove all valuables from the house. You hear a lot about care givers robbing the people they are taking care of. There is no need to entice someone who might be legit, but could be swayed to be bad especially if themselves are hurting financially.
They always say listen to your gut. Your "gut" is right the majority of the time.