Panic attacks; what do you do to alleviate it?

I've suffered from panic attacks since my DH had a liver transplant. He had primary liver cancer and we had to wait almost a year to get a transplant. Still had 2 kids at home, trying to care for my newly widowed mom and a new grandbaby whose mama had to work. 4 months of non stop CG for this sick, sick man. The anxiety was unbelievable.

The transplant was a success, although not w/o a ton of drama, near death and a re-admit due to sepsis. My Dh changed personalities 180--going from a kind and loving man to a grouchy, old angry person I don't even know.

He refused post op therapy and needed it, badly. It's been 15 years and he didn't ever really get better. After he was back to work, I had a total (hospitalized) breakdown. I've had to deal with living with a man I barely like, much less love. He's not mean, or bad, just has no energy and no desire to do anything with me. Our marriage essentially ended on 9/11/06 and since then I have been a FT caregiver and nurse.

I had to go on antidepressants and anti anxiety drugs. Therapy on how to live with a person I didn't like much. He looks on me for EVERYTHING and it's exhausting. I'm still working on NOT letting his anger/depression be MY problem.

Weirdly, he can work FT when needed, the rest of the time he is in bed, asleep. It's been a real joy.

I've created a life of my own. I don't apologize if I don't feel like making dinner. I had cancer in 2019 and he did not one thing to help me. That was the frosting on the cake.

We live like brother and sister. It is what it is.

I don't think my way to alleviate the stress/anxiety I feel has been particularly healthy. I'm actually quite lonely, and I wish all my friends weren't married or would go out w/o their DH's--I love to go out and such, DH has zero energy. He mowed the lawn (for me, he said) today and then was so exhausted he had to go to bed.

Looking back---I probably should have divorced him after he healed from the transplant, but I really wanted to prove to the world how tough I was. All it did was make me depressed beyond words.

You are probably being very hard on yourself. Trust me, you're very likely doing the absolute best you can and simply not getting much 'thank you' for it. We all need to feel gratitude for what we've done!

Take care of YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I did not and suffered profoundly for it.

I often felt tons of anxiety when I was a caregiver to my mom. She recently died with end stage Parkinson’s disease.

It is a huge responsibility to care for someone and it truly becomes a burden. I went to a therapist. I reached out to this forum for comfort. I also went to an in person caregiver group that I really liked.

You can also speak to a social worker to help guide you. If you truly feel overwhelmed, it may be time to allow others to do the caregiving. There are nice assisted living facilities and skilled nursing homes that will care for your loved one 24/7 and you can regain your life back.

You will be able to be an advocate and visit as often as you like.

Wishing you all the best.

Yes I know what you are talking about. I decided to see a therapist and I think that was a good choice.
I also started yoga and trying to go back to my routine. What is happening with mum + the pandemic certainly took a toll on me. I try to go to the office as often as I can and I avoid working for home. Staying at home the whole day working and taking care of my mum who has been completely bedridden for 6 weeks made me feel I was trapped and that I never would have my life... And the death of 2 friends last year made me think I risk to pass before my mum...
Try to breath deeply and slowly.
I have also read some psychology books on assertiveness.

You will do the best you know how to do while you are care taking and afterwards you will still look back and see things you wish you had done differently. You will recognize things you missed completely at the time they were happening. It happens to all of us.

Just make the best decisions you can at the time they need to be made..

You are probably experiencing burnout.

My mother is bedridden in a hospital bed. I live on a farm with vegetable & flower gardens & over 50 animals. Nobody else is here, it’s all my responsibility. I never look at the overall picture. People wonder how I do it. They want other people to help. Nobody helps. My brother lives across the country & visits briefly once a year. Here’s my advice: think in categories & let yourself rest a lot. Get a wireless camera in your mom’s room so you can use your phone to check on her from your room at night or if you’re outside. After a rain, like today, I weed the gardens. When I’m taking care of the animals I have created an efficient system to meet all their needs within 20 min, twice a day. Some days, I organize, dust & clean…other days I do nothing. My mother’s needs always come first. I buy ensure powder canisters & make big pitchers of it for easy refills. She has favorite foods that I keep on hand. She has dementia & can’t express needs. By breaking things down into compartments, and what I “feel like doing”, any daily accomplishment adds up & you can complete quite a bit overall this way. But never look at it as a whole or it seems insurmountable. Small things add up!

Yes. Horrible anxiety and panic attacks. I opted for therapy and after a few months with other stressors that started to pile on, I was feeling almost frozen, and my therapist recommended medication. It really helped. I used the medication until I got back to my baseline. Also, consulting with an elder care attorney that reviewed all paperwork and gave some good advice and reassurance. But I will admit, I still question my decisions and have some worry. I just have some skills and knowledge now to try and manage those reactions. I still can go from 0-60 but then I calm down knowing that I am doing the best I can. I’m sorry that you are dealing with this.

My husband suffered panic attacks that would force him into the emergency room. Doctors were no help. We finally noticed that when he had a buildup of MSG (monosodium agglutinate -- a food additive, common in many packaged foods and Chinese dishes), the attacks would occur. When we monitored his diet and he avoided packaged foods, the panic attacks went away..

It depends. I check my bp and blood pressure once, I have checked repeatedly and do not recommend it, it makes it worse. My bp runs low so if my top numer is 85 or above and my pulse is under 110, I try to walk it off. If it is really bad, my doctor had me get a quality weighted blanket and listen to rain sounds on a phone app. The bad ones make you feel awful for days.

You can work to recondition yourself to relax that "fight or flight" feeling, but it takes time and commitment. Focus on slow, deep breaths. Focus on 5-10 things around you that are OK, true, peace-giving, loving kind... (I like Philippians 4:8 as a guide). Create a confidence list of how you are competently managing your loved one's care. Read through it slowly and deliberately when those panicky feelings and thoughts emerge. If these do not help, please commit to meeting with a counsellor weekly to work through this issue. Consider consulting a psychiatrist to get a prescription for an anti-anxiety medication while you are meeting with a counsellor. Medications help deal with the symptoms while you make life changes.

Just a thought: is your loved one anxious. controlling, or having a lot of negative behavior? If so, you might be picking up on their anxiety which makes you anxious. They may need their anxiety treated by their doctor with anti-anxiety medication.

You are probably experiencing panic attacks as a result of ptsd from having so many traumatic experiences with your LO. I had the same. The brain learns the response and continues to react even when there is no danger present.

I continue to do the meditations on calm.com, there are “emergency calm” meditations for 3, 5 and 10 minutes. You can get a free 7 day trial. I also now see a therapist. It’s taken about a year but I can sleep better and don’t have the scary panic I used to.

Hi ExhaustedOne,

I suffered from panic attacks since I was a little girl so I basically lived with them all my life. When I was in my 20's I went to a group therapy class designed for phobias and panic attacks which met once a week for 3 months. I did all the homework they assigned and when the class ended I was no better. Long story short the doctor that ran the group put me on medication which helped me.

Some people are just born with low serotonin which runs in all the females in my family. My Mom suffered from anxiety and panic attacks as well as my older sister.

On the other side of the coin panic attacks can be caused from stress and certain triggers such as caregiving.

Besides medication if I'm stressed I write down all my feelings on paper and that helps me. It's like purging all my anxiety and transferring it to paper.

I have also done yoga which really helps. If it's difficult to get out to take a yoga class you can do it at home in front of your TV. You can first try it out by watching youtube video's and if it helps you can buy a cd.

Exercise also helps gets rid of anxiety and raises one's serotonin levels. I love Leslie Sansone's Walk Away The Pounds cd's. I feel so relaxed after doing 1 or 2 miles of aerobic walking in front of my TV.

I hope you feel better,
Jenna

You have plenty of experience.
Beleve in yourself and Do the Best you can, as that's all anyone can do.

I also do a lot of reading to keep up on new thoughts,, ideas with whatever the loved ones dealing with.

Also, make sure you don't get burn out by remembering to take care of yourself because if you don't, no one else will then you will be absolutely useless to be help for the loved ones.

Prayers

Prayers

Medkid I'm so sorry you are going through all of this. If I lived near you and Beatty, I'd join you both too. There's a site called "Meetup"... they have all sorts of groups and activities with all age groups and it's free. You seem like a really good person and you shouldn't be lonely. I hope you get out and start meeting people, Maybe eventually ditch the husband too since he seems to be sucking your joy out. I wish you well, sending good vibes your way.

I have had panic attacks. One just recently. I have, after many many years, have been able to recognize one coming on and how to handle it. The main thing is to take note at the time, why you think it is starting to happen. Are you in any pain? Are you over loaded? Etc. Many times I want to run out of the room. But what I have found is once I have admitted to myself in the moment what it is, then I calm down and can handle it rather then have it become a full blown uncontrollable panic attack. Most of the time it is caused by too many things coming at me at once. Being on overload. Not knowing how to handle everything at once the best way. That is my body’s way of saying, “ whoa slow down“. You need to take time out for yourself. Not run out of the room. But let your body slow down, now. But you need to take time for yourself. Time to do relaxing things you enjoy. A walk on the beach, tour an art gallery, visit the zoo, etc. Sit in a comfy chair and listen to your favorite relaxing music. Getting counseling can be of help. Big hugs.

Added thought to my prior message. If you have any questions about the care needed, ask the doctor how to handle it. Prior to having children, I had the same fear, that I might do something wrong in the care of my new baby or as they were growing up. I found that just knowing I was doing the best that I could with the information I had gained from the doctor and others that raised children. But did the children get boo boos that couldn’t be helped? Yes, because nothing is perfect and I did the very best I could in care for love, health and safety.

I am having panic attacks and/or constant anxiety because I am having some medical testing done on Monday. Probably not serious, but a small chance it's cancer. If you are a praying person, please pray for me. I'm driving myself crazy, because I can't stop worrying.

My mother (just recently passed) and I were at Cracker Barrel for lunch one afternoon when I started to have a panic attack and it was because I realized with her dementia and failing health, I probably would not have her for very much longer. A lot of days she did not know me and the stress of this terrible disease was getting the best of me. I started taking Saffron capsules everyday, in fact, 4 per day, to stop the panic and anxiety and it worked. I could get through the day and my nerves were not shot. Try it, it saved me. Sadly she passed 2 months ago from a terrible fall and now I'm taking 2 per day and that's probably where I will stay since I am now dealing with my dad's sadness and trying to keep him busy. Good luck to you.

I’ve been on meds for anxiety for years. They also helped when I was caring for my mother during Covid. Also trying not to look past the window of the day I was in helped. Talking to a friend on the phone occasionally helped. Having my big fluffy collie close by also helped. I was in another state at my mom’s house for almost three months caring for her. I was so isolated. She’s now in memory care. I can’t imagine going through what so many in this forum are dealing with. My issues seem small compared to so many. Sending lots of love and prayers to all.

ExhaustedOne: I did not suffer from any kind of distress while in active caregving. However, after my active caregiving, which was out of state, I sought out help via a psychiatrist due to my late mother's sad passing.

At one time I was so overburdened that when I would wake during the night, I would be compelled to get up and walk. I would go all over my house. Sit in one room a few minutes then go to another room and do the same. It was exhausting.
One night before bed, I was taking a deep soak and happened to pick up an old Oprah magazine that had an article by Martha Beck. She said that when these feelings came, to ride them out, knowing they would pass. Just sit through it. Don’t run. Something about the way she described just how I felt and just what to do resonated. So I tried it and it worked. I knew if I just waited a bit, it would pass and I could go back to sleep. That was many years ago. Now when I wake In the night I notice I have a nauseated and breathless feeling. Very yuck. I remind myself of anxiety and know that this will leave if I release it. So that’s part of it, to recognize that uh oh, Here it comes. I don’t have to be afraid. I just wait for it to pass. To dissipate. To not go chasing after it.
Google Martha Beck on panic attacks or caregiving or anxiety and there were many links. If you aren’t familiar with Martha, check her out.

Look, the wiser among us may have anticipated we could wind up being caregivers for family or others.....but regardless, none of us got any training and slipped in or were thrown into it. IT is without a doubt a huge responsibility and the supports for doing so are basically non existent. And sadly the people we might have expected to be there to help or support us don't come forward or make themselves available. Heck, some of them can't even stand to listen to us! In my case I know too many who have lost their parents and who would give anything to have my issues of caregiving to have their loved ones back. Few of us are qualified, though I know there are some nurses among this group here.
It sounds like your stress and panic are stemming from the insecurity of not knowing what to do or how to handle it. Not sure of the specifics of what you are up against, but if it involves an illness, like dementia or alzheimer's, check and see if there is a local organization branch or support group. I think if you share your concerns with another or others plural, you will feel better, know you're not alone, and may be pointed in the direction of some actual support or classes. Your loved one's MD or office may be able to guide you. You can always come here! Heck, none of us have all the answers and some of us take it a day at a time and deal with a problem at a time, creating our own solutions...some work, some don't. But know you tried and take comfort in knowing you are doing the best you can in a tough situation. I reached out for help from Hospice for my mother with dementia. There are some good people and good efforts, but truth be told, it has been an eye opener and the expectations of me have only increased. Is that helpful? I'm not sure. I found a solution to one tiny problem...night gowns needed to be laundered more frequently... and found these great washable hospital like gowns that have more coverage and cute prints...called Gownies....but dear god did I feel inept the other night when I couldn't seem to figure out how the hell to snap them back together! I know, it sounds insane...but it threw me! And I've said many times here, you be sure to take care of YOU. In my case I thought I had a handle on it all, part time social work job, dog mom, caregiver, chef, laundress, bookkeeper, advocate, manager...and then one day it all caught up with me no doubt blood pressure a factor, and I wound up going for a helicopter ride to emergency surgery, nearly dying of an aorta dissection. PLEASE do not risk that happening. Take good care, and remember we are here for you....also might want to touch base with a mental health pro or your MD for some meds that might help at especially rough times. Make sure you get some potassium and magnesium in. and remember, YOU'RE NOT ALONE. None of this specifically answered your question...and this from someone with a history of having had panic and anxiety attacks in my 20's. Now approaching 60+. I had a therapist at the time who was of limited help. He was arrogant and took that stance sort of, of what doesn't kill you makes you stronger...and no one ever died he claimed of a panic attack. SOB. I rode them out without meds for better or worse. At one point realized that I might be hyperventilating, so kept a paper bag handy to breath into. You say you've been caregiving for 10 years...that makes you a pro! Clearly you're doing something right. And lastly, maybe give your local area agency on aging or 211 if it works in your area a call...they can connect you to local resources. You might be able to get some additional help and learn from them to show you that you're not doing a bad job at all. IF the medical types have pushed some medical tasks/care on you, raise some hell. Tell them you are not trained and not capable and WILL NOT continue.

You are not alone. Many of us are dealing with, or have had to deal with, LO's health issues. We are (or were) never prepared and never felt really "qualified". I had years of professional experience in health care, but did not do everything "right". I did the best I was able at the time, but later spent time thinking "I probably should have...or shouldn't have...or should have thought of...maybe it would have been better if I had...." I often felt panicky. But my agonizing self-doubts were a waste of time and energy.

My advice is to find one or two knowledgeable people you trust, ask their advice and do what seems right at the time. When it comes to caring for others, there is almost never just ONE right solution to anything. You just do the best you can. Angels can do no more.

Hopefully, your LO will realize that you care about them. But if they complain or argue, realize that they are stressed and/or frightened, too. In a situation like what you are facing, perfection does not exist. You are to be commended for undertaking the tasks you face. Give yourself a break!

Panic attacks are often brought on by a feeling of being helpless. There are many decisions to make when caring for someone else. If you dislike making decisions, defer to the opinions of the experts. Ask, "what would you do if it was your loved one?" Research online and discuss with professionals.