They live with me & my family of 5. I has become very stressful & I truly need some suggestions about the best home-care options for them. My mother refuses to place dad into a care facility but they constantly argue & bicker at each other & it is taking a toll on my well-being, my marriage & my teenage sons. Looks like I will now have to give up my part-time job ( which gave me my sanity) & remain at home to care for them both....Help!!?? My boys are very sporty & play a lot of representative sport but now I am finding that difficult to manage. My life has been turned upside down but I love my parents & want what’s best for them in a caring home environment. What should I do, who should I talk to......Any suggestions??
Is your Mom your Dad's main caregiver? Or do you find yourself doing all of the work? Learn to say "sorry, I can't possibly do that" over and over in front of the mirror until you feel comfortable saying that.
Sadly, so many elder parents don't see what is happening to their grown children by having them be their caregivers. I know my parents had no clue how exhausting it was for me as neither of them had to care for their own elderly parents. They lived under their own roof being in their 90's, and I was living under my own roof. I was on pins and needles waiting for the telephone to ring, hardly got any sleep for a number of years, which took a toll on my health :(
As many of us here had to do, we needed to wait until there was a medical emergency where the parent needed to be in ER, then into Rehab, and then into a continuing care facility.
My Mom's nurse was fantastic - she also knew how to deal with dementia , loss of a loved one and depression - we were so grateful - it was worth every penny - I hope you can find someone who can be that for you if you choose that option
What are your parents'needs and what are their resources? Call up your local Area Agency on Aging and ask for a " needs assessment". Then you'l have a better idea of the Ad Ls they need assistance with. The AAA should also be able to point you to resources Medicaid, etc., ) that your parents may qualify for.
If your parents have income, this should be used to hire help! You can't do this alone.
This is just crazy, Lynn. No matter how much love you have for all the people involved, your energy level is finite. You don't have more than the 24 hours each day that we all get.
FF points out that many elder parents don't see what is happening to their grown children by having them be their caregivers. True. And in this scenario your parents have a perfectly valid reason for not seeing this. They both have dementia. Their brains are broken. You can't expect them to be the household members that make the well-reasoned, logical decisions. That is the role that you and your husband must take on. It may feel odd and even disloyal to make decisions for your parents. But that is the reality of this situation.
What is your parents' financial situation? That always impacts the options available. Are they paying room and board? Are they paying for caregiving? Would they qualify for Medicaid? Can they afford to pay for care in a facility?
However, on one hand you've got two boys you brought into the world. They came in as blank slates and it's up to you to prepare them for life in this crazy world. A big part of that is spending physical time with them, being their cheerleader at games, involved in their school careers and so much more. They are embarking on many, many years of life ahead. And what you do now will make all the difference in who and what they become.
On the other hand you have 2 people who have had a long life. They've done things, raised kids, had careers, ran homes, took vacations.... their experiences seem endless. But now they're petering out, winding down, coming to the end. (Don't mean to be morbid)
Where should you invest your energy?
Believe me, you will never get these years back with your boys. And you'll never forgive yourself if you drop the ball.
Best wishes.