I am a 77 yr. old woman. I like the line from the song that says "I get by with a little help from my friends." Only it's more often Scarlet O'Hara's line that is appropriate i.e. "I have always depended on the kindness of strangers." Anyone out there that can relate?? We are mid way between Christmas and New Years. I have a sign on my apartment door that says "I'll be home for Christmas and I'll be in therapy by New Years." This is senior housing. The beach a lot of us have washed up on by circumstances rather than choice. I am trying to adjust. I watch to see how the other residents here have adjusted. I know the aging process involves losses of many kinds and am remembering to make a gratitude list whenever necessary! I used to be a professional care giver. I was a registered nurse and I worked until I was past 70. I think I know a thing or two about care giving. Just hoping I can apply all that to my own self for as long as possible. Hope some one who is a member of this organization is a self-care-giver also so we can swap coping ideas. So far it feels like I am an under cover care giver and maybe not even supposed to be allowed to be a member. I never let a little detail like that slow me down before said she furtively glancing about. Ha! Watching for responses....mac
I often wonder if so many older folks had realized they would be living longer if they would have had the opportunity to think so far ahead and make more contingent plans. I doubt many really expected to be living as long as they have.
What I'm trying to do is identify the changes I see in both myself as well as my father and deceased mother, as well as what plans and contingencies I can make so the changes don't come as a surprise and hit me like a tornado.
I'm kind of "fresh" out of thoughts right now, but I'm anxious to learn about plans made by others, especially transportation. I'm not really able to get comfortable with the alternatives.
I have decided, though, that I will never live in any kind of facility; that's where I draw the line. It doesn't make any difference how much activity exists, how many bingo games there are... I have to be able to go out and putter in a garden.
I think I speak for most of us when I say we are or have been caregivers in one form or another and we can only benefit from your input, the humour that you will bring and I think we all need coping ideas from time to time.
Let me set the action up to high and as I am feeling frivolously naughty let me tip in some bubble bath - it ruins the hot tub but hey the bubbles are fun!
The role you aptly describe as the "undercover caregiver" is a chapter many of us must face for our loved ones and for ourselves at some time in our lives. Coping is hard and having a structure or setting the structure by which to cope, I feel is the key. If I might offer a couple of thoughts both from my professional experience and personal experience to keep this important dialogue going...
On a personal level, as a former certified personal trainer, I would offer this simple strategy - stay active - both physically and mentally and socially. This triad, I feel, takes into account your whole being.
On a professional level, if I might suggest making plans with a local personal care agency to offer a leg up on outsourcing some of your care as your needs change. Along this line, I would suggest making a list of the characteristics you would want for your personal in-home health aid. Additionally, I like to ask potential clients/members to make a list of favorite subjects/interests. I am a planner at heart and like to look for and prepare for the next chapter as soon as possible, to this end, if I might also suggest making a priority list of potential concerns that may prevent you from staying in your home. For many the number one goal is simple - to take at home as long as possible. For example for me, my number concern would be driving and errands/supplies from the store. For many others, it is meals and light housekeeping. In closing, if I might suggest thinking about and exploring friends or a family members who are living close to your home who might make an ideal home health aid. Choosing your own home health aid and having a licensed agency train them for you offers the support of a full-service agency but allows you to remain in control and in your home for as long as possible.