Can a Power of Attorney refuse to allow family members to visit their mother who is competent and requesting visits?

Hi - I don't think she legally has the power to do that unless it is written in the POA. She sounds very controlling. Who told you you did not have to go through her to take fil out on day trips? It would be a shame to deprive him of outings that he enjoys. On the other hand I am sure, in the interests of smooth family dynamics, that you don't want to get into a battle with her. Can her son, your husband, have a chat with her to try to sort it out? Can you ask the person who told you you did not have to go through her for day trips to be a go between? Do you have any idea why she is being so restrictive? Sounds like you and your hub have a great relationship with fil and she may be jealous.

My mother in law is POA over my father-in-law whom she placed in a memory care section of a local home Aug.30,2016. We were told we didn't need to go thru her to take him out for day trips. We took him out for the day to our house for Thanksgiving & returned him by 830pm. We were given his meds for the day & times. We did as told. Couple of days later received a letter from mother in law stating we can only take him out with her permission & only 9am-5pm. This was not a letter drafted by a lawyer. Does she have the right to restrict our time with him & ask her for permission? We do try to visit every day as he's less than 8miles away. Since he was admitted we've only missed seeing him 16days due to wedding out of state for my brother. My husband did call & talk with his father every other day. I had left cards and notes for him that the staff gave to him on the days they didn't talk. The other 2 children dont visit other than the family friends picnic the home had back in Sept. My mother in law doesn't visit often. Sounds like every 10days or so. My father in law doesn't remember my name but he knows he likes me & knows I'm his sons wife so we are aware that he's slipping away. He seems to have enjoyed his car rides & when we bring him to our house.

continue ... If the facility hold the power of attorney, not the son ?

I have a assistant living facility and the son want the mother to stay at the facility, and feeling the brother will try to remove the mother. can a power of attorney prevent this from happen on the brother in.

Can power of attorny be in place to stop family members from removing individual out of living facility

continue refuels of a son to visit his mother is this unlawful

I know this discussion thread in from 2011, and I logged on to read the stories long after my own debacle with a controlling brother with POA for our mother. Sadly, the only answer on how to avoid this mess is to be hyper vigilant on who takes care of an elderly parent, health wise and financially. Sometimes, a parent can be transfixed by a bullying member of the family who can upset the entire twilight years for mom or dad and rest of family. Undue influence, imprisoning, drugging them and putting them in terrible states of being are so common, my own story, that govt and state agencies usually will not get involved. Lawyers are so expensive, and never guarantee relief, mostly it gets worse after this due to legal wrangling, hearsay, lies by the controlling sibling, all because he has POA authority. All of the burden of proof is on the innocent family member(s) and if mom is frightened to speak up, there is no way to change the matters to simply protect a loved one. Mom has to be adamant that she wants change; if she can't do that as she has to be honest that her child has betrayed her, which is a difficult thing for any mother, she will and her loved ones will have to accept the situation. I know very well the sadness and powerlessness of trying to fight for my mom when she couldn't admit what her son was doing, it nearly destroyed me. I had to let it go. Thankfully I can still see her but not bring her to my home for dinner anymore or take her off of her nursing home grounds, or go to her Drs, or speak about her care with her care team. Live each day, love yourself and have your own life, believe you are a blessed child of a higher power that is with you thruout these trying times. Sometimes others journeys are just that, and we have to step back finally.

I had a similar problem although my sister blocked ALL contact with my mother. Consulted CT APS who told me CT law favors your brother. Not so in other states however. Hired CT attorney who was going to take it before a judge and pursue a state conservatorship and out of the POA's care. Would have cost $30k for my sister to fight it in CT - which we figured she wouldn't because of cost. We managed to get my mother to FL where laws are stronger for the elderly and revoked my sister's POA, very reluctantly by my mother. We are going through a state guardianship in FL now as my mother has never been able to handle her own financial affairs and has short term memory loss (but not long term). The FL attorneys advise me the process is about $10-15k but reimbursable from her estate (living, not after her death). Consult a CT elder law attorney. Probably your only option with a crazy brother.

OMG... We are living this same circumstance right know. Was there any resolution to yours.

Sorry. I realized I repeated everything. Really just need to know how good / reliable CT is with resolving APS issues. Especially in favor of victim of POA abuser. I've read on line they don't have a lot of financial support for APS.

My mother is under my sister's undue influence, by legal definition. She totally trusts my sister. Doesn't realize she isn't being allowed to return. Keeps believing the new scheduled medical appointments are necessary. Some, in fact, did turn out to be, but after Monday she should be able to return. However my sister has been screaming at my mother's companion that, Yes, she's telling my mother she can return to him, but he'll never see her again. She's putting my mother in assisted living. My mother just doesn't know it yet. My mother also doesn't know that they are selling her Boston summer home out from under her. Her companion and I have both told her, but she doesn't believe my sister would ever do such a thing. Even though my sister has already had all of his things removed. My mother is totally dependent on my sister to do everything for her. Has never made plane reservations, etc. is in early stages of dementia, but not enough so her friends or attorney notice. Still drives, plays bridge, goes to lectures, classes, plays gols, out to lunches/dinners with friends, doesn't get list driving, etc. but always takes my sister's side in everything. Even against her companion. Has ALWAYS against me, so I've long given up trying to say anything bad against her. She would never revoke against my sister. Would never occur to her.

f Mom is competent and doesn't like the way she is being treated by the POA, why doesn't she simply revoke that designation and assign that to someone else?

I am having a similar issue with my sister. She is has POA for my mother who is currently at her home in CT, recovering from some minor outpatient surgery that was discovered while she was there. A follow up appointment next week. Then she hopes to return to her longtime companion in Florida where she lives - and from whom my sister drugged and kidnapped her from after an incident caused by my mother's onset of dementia which my sister has refused to deal with (she also holds her healthy proxy) even though we have all been asking my sister to get her treated for months as we recognized it was starting but my sister has been in denial. She had a fight with her companion and his children, took my mother back to her state, telling him - You'll never see her again. She's MINE! Now, after this medical appointment on Monday, she should be well enough to fly home. My sister tells her she will be able to return, but is telling her companion she won't be letting her. Meanwhile, she is telling me nothing. I live on the other coast. I do speak to my mother every day - except for the few days my sister turned off my mother's cell and I had to call Florida Social Services on my sister. They called the police in my sister's state and the phone was eventually turned back on. It's a terrible mess and my sister is insane and a control freak. Lying to my mother and not telling her that she is selling the home my mother and her companion live in during the summer and that she won't allow her to return to his home in FL. Her attorney - in yet another nearby state - tells me my sister doesn't have the right to prevent my mother from returning, but we were waiting until after the surgery and her recovery to see what happens, which should now be Monday. Her companion, himself recovering from heart surgery and a stroke, is extremely distressed at the idea of my mother not returning to him. His children are furious at my sister, especially at her locking him out of their long time home up north. It's a huge mess. I'm trying to help long distance but it's difficult. If my sister doesn't allow my mother to return, I want to call APS, but I've read online that CT, my sister's state, has a low budget for it and doesn't resolve much in this area. Does anyone out there know anything about how Connecticut handles APS situations? Would they help my mother return to her companion in FL?

Can my sister who is durable medical POA for my 81 year old mother in the stages of demntia refuse my visitation of her with her being in anursing home in Michigan?

How does the rest of the family get to see a copy of a DPOa

Report suspected Elderly Abuse, it will be investigated.

Is their a restraining order? If not just go see the person.

planeman...thank you for your comments.... it does appear she is being held against her will....perhaps the district attorney is the way to go. Thank you.

She would like to but hard to do when she cannot leave the home, isn't allowed to use the phone, has no veh and even if she did she can no longer drive. The brothers were there to visit and upon seeing what they did to remove her if that is what she wanted.

If Mom is competent and doesn't like the way she is being treated by the POA, why doesn't she simply revoke that designation and assign that to someone else?

We all know that having POA does not confer the powers that the current holder thinks it does, but if that is what he is using as justification, then remove it. I don't understand why this hasn't been done.

What the brothers need to do at this point, I think, is get an attorney.

In my personal opinion, since the POA has no right to keep mom isolated but does so over her objections it has been established that one of two crimes has been committed 1) false imprisonment or 2) kidnapping. If it were my mom, I would go to the district attorney and let it be known that non-attorney deputies are simply out of their realm in interpreting sophisticated criminal laws. Good luck and best wishes.

Follow up and advise sought. Adult Services have been contacted. Nothing "appears" to of resulted. Unsure if AS worker even talked with mother. Have heard Sheriff talked with wife of the POA. Appears no "real" investigation may of occured.
POA continues to refuse family phone conversations with mother, or visits. He advised that the mothers condition has taken a massive downward turn since the 2day visit with her sons.
Both brothers went to visit their mom unannounced. The mother was sharp, able to walk throughout the home without physical assistance. In short was appeared in as good functioning shape as the weeked before when she visited her extended family weeks ago.
She asked to go home or to their home. She accepted offer from them to come with them to their home and stay for an extended time. POA refused and stated she could not leave.
Deep dark bruises were noticed and viewed by sons that went from mothers shoulder to wrist on both arms. POA offered no explanation. POA commented that the doctor had been called but she had not seen the doctor.
Police were called by the brothers. Police reviewed all documents shown by POA and advised him documents were over finances and did not give him power of her as a person. Other documents were not legal documents. Asked if POA had mother declaired incomipent. POA stated no and at no time did he assert that she was incompitent.
Police viewed bruses but asked no questions of mother or POA. He did ask brothrs if they were making allegations. They apparently advised they wanted the officer to see the bruising and do what was appropriate.
The officer asked the mother if she wanted to go home and she said yes, gave the address of her home and advised him that the home she was currently in was also property owned by her.
The POA's daughter stated that she wanted the brother out of her home and off the property. Mom advised the girl that mom owned the property not her. The girl stated that she lived there to, as a renter (no rent is paid) and she had her rights to order the brothers out.
POA threated the police by stating that if he allowed the mother to leave that he would be responsible if anything went wrong.
In the end the police stepped away and talked with her superior. He returned and stated that they did not want to be involved and suggested civil action. The brother asked what civil action. The mother is compitent and she should be the one seeking legal action and can't because she can't leave. officer mentioned going for custody. Brother asked why would they and how could they get custody of someone of age who is compitent? Officer stated he was just doing what his superviser told him to do. He suggested the brothers leave since they had been asked too. When the brothers stated that their mother owned the property and had already told the officer she didn't want them to leave ... the officer said that complicated things but he suggested they leave and he could do nothing.
The officer commented that he tried to reach another officer about the bruising but that he was involved in another arrest so he could discuss it with him. He would discuss the matter with him when he was available.
The brothers left without their mom.
Ok..... so now what??? Any solid suggestions?

I could be wrong but I think the brothers are concerned their mother will not be forthcoming negatively impacting the efforts APS puts forth, about APS not doing a complete investigation, how the POA and his family will handle the mother during any investigation, and an outcome representive of a less than through investigation by APS. However nothing positive is going to happen as things stand so contacting APS is reasonable.
I may be wrong but I doubt the brothers are overly concerned with stepping on the POA's toes. :)
Thanks again! I beileve the brothers have or are proceeding.

I'm sorry if I sound so insistent, but I've seen what can and does happen when everyone is afraid of stepping on a POA's toes. It's not pretty.

Mayasbop Thank you.... will relay to brothers...believe they are on board.

Having a durable POA doesn't make you warden of the person who is the grantor. That is ridiculous. There may be a provision in the POA, but if the mother is competent and wants to see her sons and their families, she can revoke it. Why in the world would she need someone who has taken the role of guardian if she is legally competent? Did she mean to give POA that kind of power or was it a provision that she wasn't truly aware of?

Calling APS is the first step. Her bits and pieces of information and the fact that she was scared to return should have warranted a call to APS before she returned to her own home, because practically speaking, he's living in the house that SHE owns.

Today is Tuesday. Call APS now. She's living in fear of what can happen unless she does exactly what POA wants and no one should have to live in fear of another person, especially when that person is their own son. She needs YOUR help, so get on the telephone with APS and get the ball rolling today. Let APS call the sheriff. As a matter of fact, if POA resists APS, THEY'LL call the police. They can do what needs to be done to protect her, but they can't do it without a complaint from YOU.

Allysia, Thank you for your post.
I think the brothers hate the idea of bringing conflict to a head by showing up with the police...it is just sort of in your face. Yet besides calling APS it may be the only option that will allow them to visit her, providing the Sheriff asks the mother and the mother is willing to stand up for herself and say "yes I want to see them".
During her short 2 day visit she expressed strong emotions about her concerns of how she would be treated upon her return to the POA. Enough of a display off and on throughout her visit that one had to wonder if the concerns she shared were the complete story.
Balancing seeing her and not wanting to do something to make her treatment even worse is an obvious concern.
The motive behind the POA's refusal to allow the brothers to communicate with the mother is distrubing. The POA and his family's controlling role when the mother is reportably competent is alarming to me.
The idea of perhaps calling the Sheriff and giving him a heads up before going to the home to attempt a visit is well worth consideration,..as is calling APS....or perhaps doing both. Something needs to be done since conversations with the POA have proven fruitless.

My hubby and I have POA, well hubby does and I support him of his grandfather. his grandfather does NOT want to see his brother, if he did we would welcome him in our home. but one day he showed up, the brother, and wanted to come him, grandpa said no, so hubby said no. The brother started pounding on windows and the brother finally called police. Grandpa is not completly with he mentally, but he was able to tell the police his name and stated he did NOT want to see his brother and they made the brother leave. So if these 2 brothers call the law and the law asked the mom if she wants to see the brothers and she says yes i believe they would escort the brothers in. But the problem I see with this is first the pice would be there and visit would be short and then what the poa might do to mother after they leave. But if they ever have doubt about he well being they could for sure call the law, although none of us like the law in our business, some times it is necessary. Hope you guys get to see your mom. To the person who said they ahve poa to take care of mother in laws billed, they are different types poa's. If he has a durable power oit covers everything, including deciding who can visit sadly.

Good luck and hope it works out.

can a P.O.A force one into a nursing home for a short time when the said person has the failure to thrive to gain weight to have surgery

The person to whom the POA was granted (technically referred to as an "attorney in fact") is legally bound to have a fiduciary relationship with the grantor of the power. That means, among other things, that the grantee of the power is obligated to act in the best interests of the grantor. The grantee has no right to withhold any information from the grantor nor can that person make any secret profit from the use of the POA. For example the grantee is not allowed to sign a rental agreement obligating the Grantor to pay more than a reasonable rent considering the circumstances. The grantee has no right to hold the grantor prisoner or to limit visitation. The first thing to do is to revoke the existing power. The next thing is to talk to a local lawyer about this. The matter is not complex but you need a lawyer to guide you through a technical matter.