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I have no kids, and no family or friends nearby and husband is overwhelmed at work and needs to focus there. Mom died May last year and it has been very tough, lonely, and scarey ever since. I am in my sixties. I feel I have been under spiritual attack at times.

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I would hire someone to do stuff for you. An attorney. If there is a home here to sell, then there is money in the estate to handle that. You are making yourself ill trying to do everything. Turn it over the the attorney to do the sale and distribution of the state and pay for it as executor/administrator of the estate.
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Riverdale Apr 2023
Good suggestions. I would add that the listing agent should oversee some of the issues. We sold a house in 2019 and the listing agent was at every appointment,waiting outside. If a contract is ending soon maybe it's time to look for a different agent. We sold in a bad market for sellers yet I had many agents wanting the listing.
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Why are you anxious about selling the house?

Do you have a Realtor? It's their job to sell this house, not yours. It's what you pay them for.

I sold my parents' house last year, and it was probably the easiest part of dealing with their estate. Get a really good Realtor and make them earn their money. It's all the better if they specialize in estates, because they'll have contacts for companies to come in and do the estate sale, clean out what doesn't sell, and they'll also have contractors who can spruce it up for you. Many real estate companies now have programs where they'll loan you the money to do the fix-ups, then you pay them back out of the proceeds.

Just save all the receipts and copies of checks if you pay for anything to fix it up to sell, because it can all come off your taxes. I just came from my tax appointment to do the FINAL tax return for my parents' trust, and I was very pleased to learn that little tidbit.
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Maybe selling Mom’s house made you grieve again to the extend you cannot cope.
Maybe therapy will help, as you stated husband is busy and you have no friends.
Any chances of going places to make new friends or get involve in something, job, volunteering?
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Pjdela Apr 2023
I have mixed feelings about the volunteering because I managed so much for my Mom and am a "fixer". After having handled everything since, I am tired emotionally, physically and spiritually. I want to be useful going forward but feel like I'm the one in need of volunteers at this point. I feel the need for restoration and replenishment. The anxiety makes functioning normally hard. Yes, volunteerism would be a good way to connect with others. Having to step up and handle everything has interfered with fully being able to grieve for my Mom. I just wish my cognitive behavoral therapy visits could be more frequent than every 2 weeks.
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I am a bit perplexed by your post. Your heading states that you have anxiety over selling your mom’s house.

You go onto say, “I have no kids, no family or friends nearby, husband is overwhelmed at work. Mom died in May of last year. You are lonely and scared and feel like you are under spiritual attack.”

Tell us what are you most concerned about, the sale of the house or the other things that you have mentioned. You seem to be stuck and not sure where to go from here.

An agent can sell the home. How long has the home been on the market?

Maybe you should make an appointment with a licensed therapist to discuss the other issues that you are struggling with. Nothing will improve by itself.

I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. You are grieving and I bet this has magnified all of your other issues.

Sometimes, husbands don’t know how to handle or help their wives. He isn’t a therapist and according to you he has a lot of responsibilities at his job. All the more reason to speak with a therapist who will help you find the tools to heal.

Wishing you peace as you move forward in your life.
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Pjdela Apr 2023
I have been so burdened by the house that I can't get rid of it fast enough. I have a realtor but am afraid a deal may fall through due to physical circumstances I can't control. I can't go into everything but I do not want to be stuck with it. It passed to me and I am paying vacant home insurance and property taxes which are very expensive. Also, my husband would like to retire sooner rather than later and if we have double expenses that will not happen. We wish to relocate but aren't sure where and that means having to do this again with our own home which looks like an episode of hoarders since it is small and we brought some things we wanted to keep from Mom's home. I am overwhelmed by all I have had to tackle with hospice, death, interment, arranging long distance graveside service, estate probate, taxes, cleaning out house and estate sale with little support and am very lonely as well. I visited a cbt some but services are in short supply and I need to be able to meet with them more often. I really fear meds side affects and addictiveness and need to function. We are also nearing hurricane season which gives me anxiety as well. I have encountered many road blocksand it seems as if something can get mixed up it does. I can't tell you how many mixups there have been in dealing with all this. Most of them were not caused by me but by financial institutions making mistakes which I had to keep repeatedly contacting to get straightened out, insurance agents who never call back, incorrect 1099s for taxes--the list goes on and on.
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Why is the thought of selling your moms house causing you such anxiety? Are you not wanting to? Or are you afraid that when you do it will be like losing a part of her all over again?
You probably should seek out a good therapist so you can work through the issues causing you this anxiety as no this isn't normal, and then find a good realtor that will take the ball and run with it, and sell her house, so you can get on with living and enjoying your life.
You know that your mom wouldn't want you all stressed out over her house and stuff, nor does God, so turn it over to Him and start enjoying your life again.
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Pjdela Apr 2023
I am more than ready for the burden of the house to be gone. It was her wish to leave it to me, as a house for her was very important and was a form of security. I am only able to carry vacant home insurance which does not cover as much and no liability insurance as it is a vacant house. Buyers agents who show the home have left doors unlocked, knocked down curtains, let someone drip something on the carpet, left a.c. turned down too low etc... I feel like I have to check on it after every showing to make sure it is secure or is clean and in good shape for the next showing.
You are right.. I know that Mom would not want to see me like this. I know God tells us not to worry but I don't seem to be able to stop. I try to turn it over to Him but can't seem to as I want this situation to be over. I realize that may not be His will and it scares me. I am worn down. I thank everyone here for their care and concern. It is good to have people to talk to about all this.
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Thank you Riverdale, that sounds like a good suggestion. We have this agent for a while so I may request him to attend to showings. It would take some weight off.
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pamzimmrrt Apr 2023
Most agents will attend all the showings, and they do not want/expect you be there. My DD is an agent , and even when she was looking to buy we never had family there while we were looking at the home, or even during the home inspection. They are there to insure nothing gets stolen and the buyer gets to look around without lots on unsolisted advice/stories
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I'm borrowing from Bundle of Joy's comment on another thread - basically to reduce what stresses you.

Offload, hire out, delegate.

Other strategies I use are to do half as much, or allow myself twice as long.

Your can't sell half a house.. and you don't want to extend things any longer so I would suggest hiring out (as Alva suggested). Everything you can.

Ask your agent. What service can pack up the house? Sort it, donate etc & clean? Provide staff to be present for viewings? How would viewings & a sale be conducted for an out of state or overseas client? Do like that.

Take the personal items you want. Take photos if you wish. Walk through the rooms. Say goodbye & thankyou to the house if you wish too.

Then release this house to agent, to sell to the next family.

The thought of doing this with my folks' place one day is a crushing nightmare to be very honest. I have siblings but they will be unable to help. I will hire it all out to make the task as streamlined & quick as possible. If it comes down to my life vs sucumbing to house stress - I choose my life.

Wishing you the contacts & help you need.

Then renewed energy for the task to find a new place, to fit in & attach to.
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I feel the same way. I just have to get up the courage to definitively call a realtor in the neighborhood that I know, and see if he will assist me selling this house.

He has been over several times, but I haven't made anything definitive yet

Now that it is Spring, I think that it would be a good time to list the house, once and for all.

I see a house in the neighborhood that seemed to be sold within weeks, but I don't know what kind of prep work they did.

My mother died in March 2020, and I've been looking at places to relocate.

There's a lot of new construction being done where I live, as these homes were built in the 1950s. Some have been renovated, and some totally torn down and large new houses built

I understand your anxiety, as I share it however I would very much like to downsize to an area more conducive to senior people. I am currently 68 years old, and things are always breaking in the house. Last year I had new sidewalks and a new driveway installed

Also had a leaky kitchen faucet and two new toilets installed

Last year part of the underground sprinkler broke, and I just had a section replaced, as tree roots were overgrowing the lines and damaging them.

I was told that the whole system is getting old, and they weren't sure how long the repairs would last.

Moving is such an enormous thing to tackle, but I do not want to put any more money into this house, and just need to make that call to list it with a realtor

Ive had vague cash offers ...with no definite price set, and I didn't pursue it.

I really think that it would be worth the realtors commission, to just have them in my court, a d take some of the emotion out of this thing

My very best to you.....I feel the same way that the house is a burden, and I just wish that I could get up the courage to list it for sale, once a d for all!
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Let a realtor handle it ALL for you. They will get comps, discuss things you must disclose that you know are wrong, will help you with fixing, staging if you wish to. Will take 5% to 6% commission, guide you through all the paperwork making certain it is safe for you.
Make it fun for yourselves. Look at homes that are comps (comparable) to yours, see what they are going for, and etc. Talk with folks about what realtor they used and liked. They will help you figure out value of home and guide you every step of the way.
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Pam’s posting in response to your response to funkygrandma is excellent.

Hire a new realtor. Your current realtor isn’t up to par. Selling a home wouldn’t be this stressful if you had a realtor who handled things properly.
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Talk to your Realtor's broker and tell them you either want their best listing agent on this house, or you'll be taking your business elsewhere.

This guy working for you is incompetent. Someone from his office needs to be at every showing, because it is HIS responsibility that the house is locked, the A/C off, etc.
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When doing a contract with a realtor you usually sign on for either 3 months or 6 months for them to sell the home, but it is crucial that this contract enumerates what the dealer will DO. Will he or she PERSONALLY show the home? Will they hold open houses? How often. Because they can just enter a home in multiple listings and let others show it or not. They need to be held accountable to a contract. Some will pay for cleanup and cleanout and staging. Many will give you the costs of that.
Speak with someone you know who has EVER sold a home. There must be many, whether at your faith based community, a senior community or even in your grocers. Time to get out and get talking with folks. The internet will be full of what information you need as well, on what to expect of a realtor.

Again, sure do wish you lots of luck.
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Hi PJDela, I am praying for you. There’s a support network called Griefshare. It’s not about home sales but it might help you. See if they are in your area. These support groups are often held in churches for weekly meetings of people who have lost a loved one to death. It is open to all, but many of those who meet in churches are believers too. If you can find one to join it might help you especially during those times when you don’t have cbt. I find it comforting to meet with others who have similar anxieties coming from grief, loneliness, difficult tasks that must be handled after such a loss, etc etc.

Here’s a big hug! I also agree with others posting here who recommend you get another realtor that you can trust. It will lift the burden from your shoulders and you’ll get a MUCH needed mental break because you’ll feel that a “professional” is in charge.
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My problem was Moms house needed a lot of work. The Realtor was a friend and because of its condition I don't think she really pushed it. Contracts are usually 6 months. When that time is over, get another realtor. You have valid complaints. Put down plastic stripping in the rooms that have carpet. It comes on rolls in places like Home Depot its about a yard wide. Tell the Realtor that no one is to step off tge plastic. Leave closets open so the inside can be seen. I didn't get much for my Moms but I got rid of it. My second Realtor was very good.
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