Follow
Share

My husband & I are 80 & my 58 y/o Daughter is in final stages of liver & colon cancer. But she is still independent & does not want to go to a facility since she is so young...but is having problems getting approved for an apartment on her disability income, tho she would be able to afford the rent. They want a co-signer and we certainly cannot sign such, at our age! To add to the problem, our house is too small for her to live with us. Any suggestions would really be appreciated.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
(((Hugs)))) and my sympathies.

Is she on Hospice?

Who would provide care for her if she is in an apartment?

Is she being realistic about what her future holds?
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

If she's able to afford the rent, and you know that, why can't you co sign for your daughter?? That seems like the easiest answer in a difficult situation. Compromises have to be made somewhere, right?

My condolences on this diagnosis for your daughter. Best of luck
Helpful Answer (6)
Report
sp19690 Jun 2022
Because as her condition deteriorates she may not be able to afford the rent and then the parents will be on the hook for it. That is what cosigning is. You assume the debt if the person cant pay.
(3)
Report
See 1 more reply
A person on the final stages of colon and liver cancer is not a candidate for independent living. Your daughter could drop dead at anytime alone. She certainly is a candidate for hospice care. Perhaps, because of her terminal condition she could be accepted into a church sponsored facility where she can spend her last days.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
lealonnie1 Jun 2022
Your daughter could "drop dead" at any time? Who speaks that way to a bereft parent? And what about the daughters wishes????
(4)
Report
See 1 more reply
Don’t sign! Your daughter should be lovingly told that the reality is she needs to go where she will be taken care of whether she is old enough or not. She is certainly sick enough, and that’s what matters here.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
lealonnie1 Jun 2022
How about what matters is the daughters last wishes for how SHE wants to spend her last days on Earth? I'd clean out my bank acct for my DD if she was dying, which would NOT be the case here since the daughter can afford the rent. She only needs SUPPORT. The parents can go over daily to look in on her, too.
(3)
Report
See 3 more replies
If the parents cosign that means they will be on the hook for the rent payments should the daughter pass while still renting.

If the parents can afford to make the rent per the lease then cosign. If it would put you in a financial bind then do not cosign.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

While it isn't optimal the sad truth is that your daughter may only be able to afford a room at this point, or a roommate situation. You say she is in the final stages, and if not now, care in facility with hospice may be an option. I am so sorry for this dire situation.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Triciasb,

I am sure you're familiar with the saying, 'You can't take it with you'. It's true, you really can't.
You and your husband are 80 years old. What are you saving it for at your age?
Yes, you can co-sign for her. My father co-signed a lease for an apartment when he was 86 years old. He also co-signed a car loan for his girlfriend at the age of 89 because she had bad credit.
Lealonnie1 lower on the thread is right. What matters is your daughter's last wishes and how she wants to spend her last days on earth.
Co-sign for the rent.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
sp19690 Jun 2022
Ridiculous advice.
(2)
Report
See 1 more reply
Who is going to be her caregiver during her final months?
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

Your daughter will probably need nursing care towards the end. Round the clock nursing isn’t easy in a rental, and a NH of older people doesn’t make so much impact.

Try to get an idea of how long this current situation will last. If you can find a short-term lease for that period (6 months?), guaranteeing it may not be a big problem.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

A terminal patient's wishes aren't necessarily orders to be followed blindly If they are illogical and unrealistic. It seems that the daughter is in denial and probably thinks that if she rents her own apartment she can delay her death indefinitely. Most likely she will die before her lease expires and her parents will end up in financial troubles. She needs to be on hospice care right away. The problem about housing will have to resolved differently to her unrealistic plans.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Hi Op,
Where is your daughter living now?
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

If she has no place to live, there cannot be any home hospice. I will assume here shes not Medicare or Medicaid. A Hospice home or LTC have to be paid for unless she has a good Health insurance. Even Medicare only pays for the treatment, not the cost of the facility.

If she has Medicare and Medicaid under the circumstances she may qualify for Medicaid in a NH with Hospice. I agree, as she declines she is going to need help she may not be able to get in an apt. Hospice in the home someone needs to be there for her.

We say to Caregivers don't use your money to care for a parent, you may need it in the future when you are older. Now your saying to people who are 80 that they should co-sign for a child. This person is responsible for the daughter's rent if she can't make it. Where I live, a 1 bedroom could cost way over a $1000. If OP and husband live on their SS alone, this could be detrimental to them. Your assuming they have the ability to take on this debt.

I suggest your daughter go to Social Services and tell them her situation. I understand she does not want to go to a NH situation but seems like she has no one who can help. She needs to find out what her options are.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

I am shocked by the downright cold-hearted responses on this thread. Especially from you, sp19690 because you usually make sense and give pretty sound and realistic advice.
Please let me ease your mind though. No one is asking these two 80-year olds to empty out their bank accounts. Their cancer-stricken daughter can pay her own rent as the OP mentions, but needs a co-signer for her new housing.
I don't know if you have any kids, but I would move heaven and earth for my son now. If he was terminally ill and needed a place to live I'd fight down the Devil himself and so would his father.
Tchamp, I am so shocked by your response that I was near speechless. About the daughter likely dying before the apartment lease is up. OMG, dude you are truly shameless.
So what if her two 80-year old parents lose some money. God help us all with the responses on this thread. Absolutely disgusting.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report
sp19690 Jun 2022
i dont think the OP provided enough details and we are all advising based on our own financial situations and biases.
(2)
Report
See 1 more reply
Have you looked for apartments that are specifically for adults 55+ that offer limited short term leases (6 month renewal etc) that also work with adults that can still live independent? My mom refuses to go to assisted living (She's too young at 88) her apartment is for 55+ and the support agencies (Hospice, Transportation, etc) work with them on getting what they need in terms of care.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

The co-signing would mean these octogenarians are also legally responsible for the lease. If the standard is one year for the lease and daughter is hospice ready, that means that doctors believe she might only have six months.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
BurntCaregiver Jun 2022
Then they can ask for a six month lease. Or for God's sake, just pay the lease. Granted the daughter may only have six months and the two 80-year olds might not get value for their money.
Pay it anyway. I can't even believe this is even a question.
Also, if the two 80-year olds are so worried about the possibility of having to pay something, they should contact the American Cancer Society. They actually have programs to help pay rent and other expenses for people with cancer.
Myself personally, if I was 80 years old I'd be too ashamed to hit them up as a protection in case I have to shell out a dime for my dying child's housing. Who knows? Maybe the OP wouldn't have a problem doing that.
(2)
Report
I would co- sign with no hesitation. Quality of life especially facing something so horrendous and so young is the most important for your daughter right now.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
sp19690 Jun 2022
She is 58 that is not young
(0)
Report
See 2 more replies
None of us know the financial situation of the OP and her husband, none of us know if the disability pay is really enough to cover rent for the places the daughter is seeking, and none of us know what the relationship history is here (it could be not so good). She has said they cannot sign, and we need to respect that and stick to her actual question. I'm sure their situation is hard enough.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report
sp19690 Jun 2022
This is a great answer. There are too many unknowns.
(2)
Report
triciasb - Not sure where you and your daughter live. Perhaps, you can check to see if the places your daughter wants to move to will accept month to month tenancy, of course the rent will be a bit higher than signing a year lease. You can co-sign and not have a long term lease to worry about.

What about searching for more places that don't require so much income to qualify that a co-signer is needed? Or places with lower rents?

Where is/was your daughter living before this? If she still has a place, can she stay there? Does it cost more? How much more? If you add in the cost of moving (packing, cleaning, movers, security deposit for new place, etc.), perhaps it's better to stay put.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

If this was an adult child talking about their parents, we wouldn’t be telling them to spend their own money or even their own time.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

I'm surprised at the answers here. Her parents are 80 yrs old. Who is going to take care of them? How are they going to pay for assisted living when it becomes necessary for them? We've looked into assisted living for my parents. $5,000 a month for a small one bedroom. Daughter needs to be realistic and think of her parents as well. We can't always get what we want. Accept what we can get and be thankful. If Daughter can get medical assistance for living arrangements, she should do so.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter