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Im pissed off and just really feel like running away from this family and never coming back?

No matter what happens to me or how bad mum is getting I am drained from family ignoring the HUGE smoke signals? I love my mum but cant do this anymore as I have such anger for my family "how dare they leave this sick old woman with me to look after alone with no help OR solutions".

I dream of just waking up and packing and divorcing the whole lot of them.

Has anyone just ever got up and left? a selfish family and an ungrateful woman full of bitterness and anger and takes her unhappy life out on me yeh shes ill am sick hearing it. She dosnt know what shes doing OH REALLY DOES SHE NOT? she seems to be just fine when sis is here then a down and out when she leaves? I ask myself whats the point here I get no appreciation from anyone except one brother who although supportive has no idea what its like.

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Slip out the back Jack, Make a new plan Stan, Hop on the bus Gus, You don't need to discuss much, There must be 50 ways to leave your mother.
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[Cat thinks: "Huh! They think THEY'RE stressed! What about me..? Spend my whole life looking after their house - vermin anywhere? - no didn't think so, don't thank me or anything - warming their beds, bringing them gifts, putting up with their racket at all hours, hardly a wink of sleep, never allowed to bring the girlfriend round… don't know why I bother…"]
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Very good pstegman! Steely Dan I think! Its more my family I want to leave behind as long as mums alive that aint going to happen I actually think I could do this better with no siblings to interfere.
My sister AGAIN asked ME to come to paris WITH MUM??? as she has to work I said you have ten wks holiday a year take a week and spend it with your mum instead of pissing off somewhere nice for your hols and spending a lousy 3 days here when it suits you? its just not going in shes so selfish she wants me to come to paris so I can look after her mum while she works? what a bitch!
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Actually, it's Simon & Garfunkel from about 40 years ago. Nonetheless, you deserve to get on with YOUR life. Send mum to Paris with sis and you should head for the Canaries. Permanently.
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Kazzaa you think it's funny? My mother has been the mother from hell my whole life yet I gave up everything to care for her for 4 years out of duty. Yes, she's in a NH and driving me mad by phone to the point I may well have a stroke - had a small one last week, just a warning. Think that's funny?

Well on the way down looney tune road my mother drives me crackers by phone to the point tonight I changed my phone number and made it unlisted. The NH has it but she never will. I've been sobbing ever since. Why? I hope because I'm, a decent human and it wasn't something I'd want to do but I really had no choice.

My mother is not a sweet little old lady, she's a narcissistic, mean, evil, manipulative sob and has been all her life. She gives not a damn about me or my well being and,as she's never asked about my stroke or wellness, I have no hesitation in kicking her to the curb.
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Thanks guys for all your support i will be fine as a kid from "a very dysfunctional family!!" you learn to be tough from an early age my parents caused so much crap in our lives that I still cant believe im not on crack cocaine or an out and out "drunk" lucky I am very strong emotionally or was? i know when enough is enough and this is it! No more MR nice im going to be a "me" person me me me me me me and then me myself and I.
I think to anyone here SA is a prime example of a "survivor" no matter how much crap shes had thrown at her shes still here like alot of us im telling you it comes from having to deal with "crap" from an early age! I dont remember a "childhood?" i remember being worried all the time anxiety at 4yrs old? watching my dad beat the crap out of my mum didnt help then hed hit us as he was in an unhappy marraige and wanted out? yep you toughen up pretty damn quick! At my dads "wake" my brother said something that meant something and its true "dad you made me who I am today and for that im grateful". We are all fairly tough in our family but alot of kids are that have come from dysfunctional backgrounds we had no choice but its made us what we are today which is a fairly decent human being maybe a bit too caring and sensitive but thats not such a bad thing. theres 3 types of people in this world: Winners,losers and survivors thankgod im a survivor!! I have to have hope and even though ive had a stroke ill be damned afterall the crap ive been through that something is going to kill me now! im no where near ready to die ive got a wonderful life to live gosh my life hasnt even started yet so im not worried i deserve to be happy and so do we all on here if i thought for one minute that i would be here looking after mum for the next twenty years in this "one horse town!" with no money,job,friends,MAN well id just eat a million doughnuts and smoke myself to a quick death! No as ive said before im going to die in my late 90s laughing my head off and yes "break dancing in some fancy NH!". LOL
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Oh nikki i really feel for you thankgod i dont have kids to worry about I really dont know how anyone can cope with a parent and kids thats a very heavy load my cat is my comfort here and id be lost without him and i do worry about him alone with her but she would never harm him im just afraid shed lock him in or out?
I have to say though although my mum has dementia she would never keep her money like that and does help me out the odd time sometimes she goes from hoarding her money to being too generous ive felt guilty in the past when she spent money on me BUT not now i damn well deserve it and she knows i do or why would she do it.
Your mother is right we shouldnt have to get paid to look after mum BUT if youve given up your job and life to care for them they should be grateful and help you out when you need it. Gosh mum would never see me short but thats so she can throw it in my face when she wants me to feel guilty but I dont anymore.
So sad you sold your house I hope you come up with a solution and soon we will have peace one day but unfortunelty thats too far away from me and as you say my mum is only 76 i could be here for another 20yrs oh god help me id sleep on the streets if I had to!
Hugs!!!!!!!!
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Kazzaa what stands out to me is that you have had a stroke due to stress and if it's allowed to continue you may have another. I feel I'm on the edge of that myself. Even though she's in a NH my mother's tantrums send my stress level and blood pressure through the roof. There are 60 residents in the NH and I'd always wondered why there were only ever one or two cars in the visitors parking ... now I know! After another raging tantrum on the phone a couple of days ago I decided no more. I will visit, ensure she has all she needs and attend to finances but one more peep out of her and I change my phone number.

If I were you I'd run away like a bat out of hell and leave them all to get on with it. Make your plans secretly (so they can't do a guilt trip on you), where you're going, what will you do, then first thing in the morning tell your brother, take off and don't tell them where you're going or how they can reach you. You have to get out of there for your own health and sanity. Good luck!
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Kazzaa, I didn't sell my house though... I live across the street. No equity in it, of course lol but I live here and mom's is paid for in full.
I know things are going to get worse.
I talk to God, I keep my sense of humor (which is quite witty if I do say so myself) and I try to keep it all in perspective.
Basically I'm painting a better picture for my own mind than what really exists much of the time.
My 17 year old son is so disrespectful to me... does nothing to help Grandma with exception of carrying her "bags" from shopping home to her... he will hug her for 3 min and leave to come back. He won't work, he's slacking at school, he doesn't even want to drive. What 17 year old boy doesn't want a license for God's sake... he's happy in his room, truly happy online with his friends... and while my gut says KICK HIM OUT at 18 and let him see how it is out there, my mind says, "he'll never make it"... and he wouldn't have a clue how to. I have seen psychologists with him since he was 7. He's been on ADD meds, and behavior practices that all fell through the floor..... he has a good heart, loves animals, but is impulsive as hell. I thank GOD he doesn't drink or do drugs. That alone is my saving grace with him. His father is no help and blames me for getting pregnant 17 years ago. Nice huh... His step-father helps me with his behavior, but without being here in the house he can't really do anything. we are friends but aren't together..... I know something has to give with my son, and I'm scared.
Then, of course, there's mom.
Mom has a good estate with her 3/2/2 pool home. She has money in the bank. She has stocks.
Sometimes, not often, when I fill up the gas tank to the tune of $60, she will give me $20 and I thank her.
Once in awhile, I can't pay my cable bill or something and ask for a loan. She will give me the loan and I will always pay her back, but in the interim between getting the money from her and a week or two to pay it back, she will tell the grocery cashier or anyone who will listen in conversation that she loaned me this money, bought my car for me, etc.... yes she bought the car but 80% of the driving is to entertain her, and I pay for the insurance and the maintenance as well as gas.... and for what. To put most of the miles on it to drive her to the clothing stores and thrift shops...
I'm frustrated, I'm down, and I know it will get way worse before it's over.
But still, I bend over and I take it, because she's my mom and I love her.
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Ashlynne i was in no way making light of your situation and feel for you it must be harder when your mum wasnt a good mum all your life like SA i think that takes alot of strenght to look after someone who wasnt a good mother my mum was left to bring up 5 kids alone with no money and did her best and I am grateful to her for that but shes been a very unhappy woman all her life and the dementia just makes her worse you cannot make her happy she is going to hate me when i leave but im past caring its taken a stroke to make me wake up to this! I can just imagine when the time comes and she does need a NH ill be the one who gets the phone calls and all the s*** even though im the one who cares??
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