Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
A bit more info is needed... Where does she live? If she lives with you is she ever left alone? Does she need a key? How bad is the memory problem? If she does not need a key give her any key you want to give her if it will make her feel better. If she is never left alone then she really does not need a key so giving her a "fake" key might be a solution. I suppose another "solution" is to replace your regular lock with a digital one. This way you can tell her that the lock does not have a key. If the concern is she will lose the key there are security systems that will alert you if anyone comes to the door, key or not so you would know if anyone was using a key to get in.
She has lived with us for 4 weeks now and this morning she wanted to know when she was getting a key.Very insistant about it.saying she never has lived in a place where she didnt have a key.Says she wants the key so she can come and go when she needs to.She thinks she is going to get out more and more though she has congestive heart failure and is suppose to be on oxygen during the day not just at night.I really dont know the total diagnosis but 3 years ago she was on hospice and improved so she had to get.With her memory issues I do not want her to have a key.she said I was his wife and I told her he makes all the decisions.I left it at that.He made the decision to move her in the house without me in the discussion.Maybe she believed she would get a yes from me even though she has asked him before.
NO! My mother had memory issues and I stupidly let her have a key and garage door opener... after she left the house open several times, I made different arrangements. You must protect yourself!
The OP's mother in law lives with the OP and her husband in the OP's house. She has been there for ?three months or so?
The OP's husband agreed to move his mother in after her previous situation - she had been living with the OP's SIL for three years - broke down. Unfortunately the OP was not present when this move was agreed by other family members. Since then, the OP's husband has made significant adaptations to the home; and unfortunately, again, discussion and communication seem to be difficult. There is support from outside caregivers but nonetheless the OP feels "swamped."
The MIL has congestive heart failure, and her memory problems may be a result of that.
Somewhere... the keys, while an important practical matter, seem a comparatively small item on your plate right now.
Have you thought about where you *would* like things to go from here?
Somewhere, if your MIL is actually not able to leave the house unaccompanied in any case, what's the harm in her having a key? And if you are SURE she will never need it or try to use it, you could give her a blank key with the right address tied to it on a label, just to reassure her.
But I do fully agree with you that this is for your husband to deal with, not you.
It is beginning to sound as though in trying to do the right, loving thing he is actually making a terrible mess of at least three people's lives. Is he listening to advice from anyone?
CountryMouse is correct, the keys are the least of your problems. You should be your husband's first priority. If I were in your shoes I would make a time to talk to your husband (not at your home with your MIL in earshot) to discuss the situation and that the trajectory is your MIL will require more and more care, more and more of your time, and more and more $$ for her care, etc. She would be better off in a nice care community where she can have a social life and all the medical attention she needs and you 2 will get your lives back and can visit her, take her for outings, etc. If you go to such a meeting prepared with info (costs, facts, etc) and approach it in a non-emotional way, he will be better able to "hear" you. He is doing what he thinks is loving but this is not necessarily in your MILs best interest. If it is a financial issue for her, he can help her apply for Medicaid and she can still be in a nice facility getting the same care as everyone else who private pay. It is totally unreasonable for parents to expect their adult children to give up a large portion of their lives and finances to care for them in a way they have romanticized and not asked for their permission to participate beforehand! Please don't let this situation drag on...it won't improve with time. Good luck!
I agree with you, its ur husbands decision. He is the one who brought her into ur home without consulting you. He now is responsible for every decision. If she has a melt down, walk away and let him handle it.
I say No to the keys. Didn't like my MIL having ours and she had no health problems.
He decided to make her a set of keys the same day she confronted me about when she was going to get them.I don't know if she hadn't had her medicines for the day which caused her to be like she was in the morning but she was calm by afternoon when my husband gave her the keys and nothing waa mentioned about how she was talking to me in the morning.Yesterday she couldn't remember that she had stew for lunch.She denied she did when asked if she wanted some for supper.
Your MIL should not be in your HOUSE with memory problems, fuggedabout a key! DH needs to sit down at the drawing board to figure out Plan B C D E and F for when his mother starts wandering around at night and leaves the house; For when she starts cooking on the stove and forgets to turn the gas or electric off, or burns the food to a crisp; for when she leaves the faucet in the sink on for hours and floods the bathroom.......and on and on. Unless he has tons of experience with Alzheimer's and dementia behaviors, he's in for a very rude awakening as she progressively declines. He may want to read up on the diseases and what to expect moving forward.
If I were you, I'd be touring the local Memory Care communities so you'll have Plan G in YOUR back pocket.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Where does she live?
If she lives with you is she ever left alone?
Does she need a key?
How bad is the memory problem?
If she does not need a key give her any key you want to give her if it will make her feel better.
If she is never left alone then she really does not need a key so giving her a "fake" key might be a solution.
I suppose another "solution" is to replace your regular lock with a digital one. This way you can tell her that the lock does not have a key.
If the concern is she will lose the key there are security systems that will alert you if anyone comes to the door, key or not so you would know if anyone was using a key to get in.
The OP's husband agreed to move his mother in after her previous situation - she had been living with the OP's SIL for three years - broke down. Unfortunately the OP was not present when this move was agreed by other family members. Since then, the OP's husband has made significant adaptations to the home; and unfortunately, again, discussion and communication seem to be difficult. There is support from outside caregivers but nonetheless the OP feels "swamped."
The MIL has congestive heart failure, and her memory problems may be a result of that.
Somewhere... the keys, while an important practical matter, seem a comparatively small item on your plate right now.
Have you thought about where you *would* like things to go from here?
PS - One month, sorry; not three months.
But I do fully agree with you that this is for your husband to deal with, not you.
It is beginning to sound as though in trying to do the right, loving thing he is actually making a terrible mess of at least three people's lives. Is he listening to advice from anyone?
I say No to the keys. Didn't like my MIL having ours and she had no health problems.
If I were you, I'd be touring the local Memory Care communities so you'll have Plan G in YOUR back pocket.
Good luck!