My sister had my mother move in with her and sold her house for $500k. She used this money to purchase a condo that is used by her son. In addition my mother used her IRA monies to pay off the debt of her grandson.
My mother fell and now needs to be in an assisted living home. My sister says she can no longer care for my mother at her home. She is now pressuring my mother to ask me to pay for 1/2 of her care.
When anyone confronts my sister, she becomes argumentative and combative.
I have supported my mother for the past 20 years, providing all financial needs without any help from my sister. The assets my mother had and gave my sister were to provide monies needed for my mother's care in later life.
Does your sister have power of attorney? There may be an issue if eventually the money is used up and you have to file for Medicaid. It would be wise to consult an elder law attorney to determine what would be in your Mother’s best interest.
Your profile states that your mother is already in AL. If your mother needs money to pay for AL, then your sister will have to sell the condo. I assume it is in her name?
Stand firm, say NO, and don't let any cajoling on the part of "Dear Mama" sway you. Remember, your mother allowed YOU to pay for her financial needs while she was giving away so much money to your sister and your nephew.
In addition, I might call APS to report sis's financial abuse of your mother
If there isn't money to pay for Care, then sis gets to keep providing the care.
Call APS to report financial exploitation.
At least you are in California, are mom and sis as well? Medicaid look back in CA is 2.5 years elsewhere 5 years.
And I echo the question as to why you have been paying for ANY of your mother's expenses when such blatant financial abuse was taking place.
Just curious and you don't have to answer...why did u need to support your Mom when she had an IRA and a 500k home. She could have sold the home and used the proceeds to help pay for an apartment.
What I see here is sis seems to be able to get everything she wants from Mom. She took Mom in just so she could get the house and now realizes that Mom takes more care then she wants to give. Oh well, Sis has made her bed. Whether the condo is in Moms name or Sisters, she is going to have to sell it and poor little grandson will need to live somewhere else. She has made her bed. You are not responsible to get her out of a mess she has gotten herself into. And at this point, thats what I would tell her and Mom. You cared for Mom for 20 years, you got nothing for it. Sister got the IRA and the house. Its up to her to figure out how to pay for Moms care.
I have a feeling you are the easy going daughter. Would not think about doing what your sister has. You need to now stand up for yourself even if it means being estranged. I feel you have probably allowed yourself to be taken advantage of because it was easier than fighting or it really wasn't that important at the time. Your sister has the means of fixing her problem. Sell the Condo. Good Luck.
Get her and her son prosecuted for the financial exploitation of a vulnerable senior and theft that they have committed.
Sorry but your sister is not a nice person to do this to her mom.
Suppose mother moved in with sister two, ten, fifteen, even twenty years ago. OP states s/he has provided all financial needs, but we don't know what that covers. Let alone why the mother has no pension, no income of her own.
The son could pay rent for the condo, no?
We don't know when the grandson's debt was paid off, or whether we're talking about bail bonds or previously promised college tuition fees.
And if sister is asking OP for half the new care fees, who's paying the other half?
The point is not that the OP is wrong to refuse, the OP may be absolutely right; but that we don't *know* what the history is.
Firstly: When did Mom do this action? Was it years ago, with Sister providing care for Mom for years now, something she can no longer do? Or was this recent? If Sister did this years ago, and provided years of care, this was at least financially probably a free trade.
However..............
I am assuming you understand about Medicaid lookback? It is 5 years in most states and gifting to your sister of this amount of assets would preclude your Mom receiving care aid from the State for many years. So again, timing is crucial here. When did this gifting occur. If you are so lucky as to be in California (I don't know about others) the lookback is two years only.
You say you supported your mother for 20 years without help from your sister. And that the money your mother gifted your sister was to provide for her old age. This was very unwise. No one knows the future, and the sister now has no money.
Sadly, because of what your mother DID with her assets she now has none for her old age. THAT is not the fault of anyone but her own awful decision, whether well meant or not. She now has nothing. I don't know how much money you have, but your own assets are now in the state where you are about to make your OWN decisions about what YOU will have for YOUR OWN old age? I hope you won't now make the mistakes your mother made, by giving your assets to your mother. I cannot know if you are a multimillionaire or not. If you are not you don't have the money to give.
This leave the question right back where it was. It is not that you would not WANT to pay for your mother. It is more that you cannot. It is not that your sister doesn't want to CARE for your mom. It is more that she cannot. So here the three of you are.
I am hoping the assets gifting happened more than 5 years ago, so that Mom will be able to get funds for the state to live, but it will not be in some Assisted Living but more a nursing home that accepts State funds in payment. They are few and far between these days.
I am so sorry for where this has landed the three of you. I think all of you must be very unhappy. But the decisions made for the last 20 years have put all three of you in a really bad place. I hope others may have some answer I do not. I wish you much luck.
Short of that one obsticle, the money your mother gave to your sister should be used for her care. When the money is gone, then the problem for how to care for your mother can be discussed.
Based on what you have said, your sister will likely become combative so be prepared. Simply tell her you want an accounting of the money. If she is the Trustee, then it is part of the role. Tell her you are not willing to put up any amount without full disclosure. You can always pitch in but I would not agree to anything until you have more information.
You may also want to assess the situation at your sisters home and your mothers condition. Is it possible your sister just does not want to take care of your mother any longer? Do you have input into where your mother will go?
If you are being asked to pony up 1/2 the cost, then you need to be more involved, if you want to be.
Who has POA? In any case it is worth consulting with an elder attorney.
Money should be paid back to your mom's accounts for any money that was used that was not directly for her. (condo and anyone else's debts) And the condo and paying off another's debt will greatly impact application for Medicaid.
I would consult an Elder Care Attorney, you should follow up with possible Elder Financial Abuse or Exploitation.
However, they HAVE saved money for their care (and/or to leave for their children/grandchildren.). They don’t want to spend it!! I had arranged for them to have help come in 3x/week. As soon as I left, my father changed it to once every 2 weeks!! They have also turned down the opportunities to move to assisted living because of the cost.
I foolishly made decisions to return back to the states and live with them... based on guilt and emotions and lots of misinformation and opinions of others.
At the advice of others on this site, I have contacted a lawyer specializing in elder issues.
After coming back and realizing that 24/7 care is NOT needed...I have spent a year of part time employment and now facing the next year of no employment, I need to take the steps I should have done long ago!!
Hope you are able to get the legal help you need.