My mother, 82 year old and some dementia is leaving the burden on us to decide where she should be buried. She has a good mind...she is on Namenda and the medication is working very well. My brother would like to have her funeral at the church in her hometown where she attended for many many years. All of us was baptized at this church. However, my sister and I do not want to have her funeral at this church because our mother has been going to this church since she moved to another town. My sister and I do not want to deal with the attitudes of the people that belong to that church. My sister and I have notice how they treat others when they return to be buried or have other functions at that church. We have argue over this and I feel that my mother should let us know where she wants to be buried. My mother likes for us to have conversations about her...she lives for attention. She just called me this morning at 8 a.m. and stated that my oldest brother wants to know what is her wishes. She asked me what I want and I told her I do not care, where ever anyone else wants to do I am for it. I told her she should be the one to tell us so we can avoid conflict between us if something should happen to her. Am I wrong by telling her while she is living, she needs to write down her wishes so we can follow it whenever she passes? I feel like if she care about her children getting along, as a mother, she will make the decision herself, on where she would like her funeral. Why should we make that decision, when she knows her children are not on the same page as far as where her funeral should be. My siblings and I have had the worst arguments about this and I do not want to go through this again when she can take the pressure off of all of us.
I feel that you are in the right to feel that your mother ought to make this decision. But if she won't, then fine: leave it to her executor and just go along with whatever arrangements that person wants to make.
OR, did she have something else in mind?
My friend's dad says to just take him out and put him on the manure pile.... :-0
Or depending on how she feels about cremation, her ashes can be scattered over one of her favorite places.
Have Mom write out what she wants. What church she wants even if it is a church the children don't like, good heavens it is just a hour or so. What type of service, short service, long service. What she would like to wear. jewelry if any. What type of casket. What type of headstone, if any. If cremation, where to place her ashes, even if it is in an urn to be placed on a bookcase. Go with her wishes.
See All Answers