I have a situation with mom regarding her care. I have health care power of attorney for mom as specified in her living trust as well as financial Durable Power of Attorney. My sister has placed mom in an Independent Living facility far away from me without my consent or approval and has coerced mom to remove me from the primary designated agent on mom's Advance Health Care directive in her Living Trust. I believe my sister has also removed me as Mom's financial decision maker and has taken over her bank account and is spending money without consideration for mom's best interest. Mom has dementia and I know that she needs at the very least, trained Assisted Living not independent living with a service coming in to help out. I have attempted to settle differences with my sister by both meeting and resolving our differences face-to-face or by mediation, however she refuses to talk directly to me. My sister is planning on returning to her home in Northern California soon, and I am concerned about mom after my sister leaves. I feel that she needs to be closer to me since I live in Irvine (Orange County, CA) and I need to be in charge of her health care and financial decisions since this was mom's original intent prior to being diagnosed with dementia.
I will proceed forward with seeking the assistance of an attorney, and since this is a special circumstance, does anyone have any recommendations for the type of attorney that I will need? Elder Law, Family attorney or something else? Any suggestions would greatly be appreciated.
Or maybe I am very naive?
Going no contact, is sort of an excuse. I don't mean to be mean and hurtful. But there are plenty of ways to stay involved, dysfunction makes it an easy way out of fulfilling responsibility.
Even if parents made bad choices, unlese they're in prison for murder, you should sill be involved. Well maybe if they had committed a crime against you or your kids, that might be cause to justify going no contact. But maybe in my faith tradition I have been taught very strongly to honor one's parents, and also we will meet our parents in the hereafter. So I feel a strong duty to stay connected.
No detail as to why your sister was able or would want to swoop in 'out of nowhere' and rehome your mum?
Where was mum before?
Was she unhappy?
How closely were your watching her? (not closely enough if your sister had time to do all this?)
What evidence do you have of her mis-spending mum's money? Or is it an unsubstantiated suspicion? (Need to be very careful there... most of us have experienced jealous or absent siblings making those kind of accusations.... not always based on any fact, usually just paranoia about losing rheir inheritance!!)
Maybe just let your sister bear the responsibility for a while? You now get to just visit your mum without the stress, that's a good thing isn't it?
(You don't mention your relationship with your mum? Had you fallen out? Had she complained about you to your sister? It does happen!)
More to this than meets the eye, and we can't help if we don't know the facts.
I wonder if your brother felt a need to have the POA since he may be much more involved with your mom, or lives close by. In any event, if your mom is able to make her own decisions, there is nothing wrong with her updating her POA, will, etc.