Son lives in Spain and daughter travels extensively. Neither have been present when emergencies have occurred. Not deliberately. Therefore I have added someone additional as an emergency contact that my daughter does not agree with. Now she has refused to also be an emergency contact. I dont know what to do because this is ruining our relationship. Yet I must do what is in my best interest. My recent emergency resulted in a shameful hospital discharge. Sent home in a taxi, though my chart stated I needed an assistive device they gave me no walker, I was cognitively impaired, in the rain wearing the nightgown I was admitted and with only hospital socks. Had someone been present that would never have happened. It was horrible.
I am terribly sorry that you experienced a hospital discharge that was horrible.
I commend you for taking charge of your situation. You have to do whatever you need to do.
I don’t know why your daughter disapproves of the people that you appointed as emergency contacts.
I can understand your daughter’s concerns if she has valid reasons for her disapproval. Has she shared her reasons with you?
I am sorry that there is friction between you and your daughter right now. That’s hard.
Wishing you all the best and hoping that you can mend things quickly with your daughter.
I will also say I've never heard of a hospital discharging a cognitively impaired person in a taxi wearing nightclothes in the rain before. File a complaint with the patient advocate in the hospital.
Most people use their family who may or may not be MPOA or POA, but certainly if they're not around, you should have a list of people to call. In fact, it's probably a good idea.
Your daughter has told you that she cannot continue to be emergency contact.
You need to arrange a safe living situation for yourself, and will need to know that, as so many people without any children at all, you have to get placed in a situation in which you are safe.
Ask the daughter upon whom you are currently so dependent if she will help you explore Board and Care living, ALF or Nursing, and help you in assessing the assets you have available to help you in your are.
So sorry. You must be feeling very alone. Many hospital admissions come about simply because of feeling helpless and abandoned. My heart goes out to you. Talk calmly and honestly with your daughter.
It is kind of hard to believeca Hospital released you in this condition. I can see calling a taxi for you but they should have wheelchaired you out to the taxi. Not too sure about sending u home in a nightgown and footsies but you never know.
You have every right to list who u want as an emergency contact. If this is the daughter who is the traveler, then she is being unrealistic.
The hospital wheeled me to the front door but did not give me an assistive device (walker) even though hospital notes specifically state I cannot navigate on my own. Notes state I told them I had a walker in storage however nobody recognized I was not making sounds decisions because of hitting my head, memory impairment, cognitive decline and inability to stay engaged/drifting in and out of consciousness. Hospital notes state all of the above. Yet they did not connect all of these issues with the fact that even though I had a walker in storage & living along - how did the expect I would be able walk to my storage unit without an assistive device.
1. Ironically my daughter owns 3 group homes for people who have Alzheimer’s and dementia but also people have lived alone and are fall risks. She doesn’t feel I’m a ‘real candidate’
2. My daughter’s refusal to continue as my emergency contact is juvenile at best. She was previously partner with the person I have added to my emergency contacts. They had a very serious break and are no longer business partners. I have maintained a close relationship with her former partner. While she says she doesn’t expect everyone to turn their backs on her former partner, her actions speak otherwise. For example, when she found out I had been invited to have dinner with this person (even though my plan had been to come to her house afterwards) she uninvited me to her dinner and told me I wasn’t welcome. She apologized but only after her husband told her she was being an ass.
side note: she and this person (her name is Ayana) had been friends/family for almost 30 years. They lived together for a while. They are both from Trinidad. Share cultural values. (I am American. This is my adopted daughter). Their lives mirrors each other’s. Had their children together. Studied the same business separate, home health/care of the elderly, then partnered. We always had holiday dinners together. Thanksgiving. Christmas. Secret Santa’s. Easter. Etc
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It may be best for all of you that you're daughter isn't there. What you have to do is take care of you and doing what is best for you. If this other person is better for you, so be it.
My daughter is a nurse and is most qualified to support me. But I need to respect her decision. I am angry hurt disappointed and shocked. Never thought we would be in this space. I have weekly therapy sessions to help me work through this in addition to, what my psychiatrist has deemed, abuse from my Son. Family dynamics can be hard and heartbreaking.
I am so sorry that your children are treating you this way. You have every right to get help where you can. Your daughter is being immature. You do what you need to do to get the help u need.
someone questioned the authenticity of my post. It is unfortunate and thoughtless to hear people post false statements. This is a caring group and it is insentive and given the delicacy of everyone’s plight it is cruel to get people involved and ‘riled up’ over untrue stories.
Having said this I assure you I am not ‘faking’ my story. As appalling as my discharge conditions were, they are real. In fact, when I got to my neighbors apartment to pick up my dog they were stunned to see my condition. They said I couldn’t walk without them helping me get to my apartment. I have no recollection of getting out of the taxi, who called and who paid for the taxi. A couple of days after I got home I realized I had an email receipt showing I had paid for the taxi using a charge card.
I don’t know if I mentioned this before, and if I did, forgive me for repeating myself, but I am in the process of writing a letter to Hospital administration, the president sending copies to their lawyer, also sending copies to the civil rights commission here in the county, because I was discriminated against because of my age I feel as though they just threw me out on the street, since I did not have an advocate. and one of my doctors also suggested that I write to Medicare since they are the ones that are ultimately with the bill.
I live in a gated neighborhood and a secure building. Apparently either I showed the guard at the gate my ID and was able to use the key fob to enter my building, knew my neighbors were caring for my dog and take the elevator to the 4th floor to retrieve her.
I am embarrassed to think any of my neighbor saw me in this condition. No one will say so because they know how humiliating it would be if I knew.
This was a living nightmare. This happened on December 1st. I am still coming to grips with it. My memory and cognition is in and out. There is a part of me that thinks perhaps all of the doctors sincerely believed I was ‘all there mentally’. My daughter said she called and spoke with me when I was sitting in the wheelchair in the lobby waiting for the taxi. She said she offered to have my granddaughter pick me up and I insisted not to bother her. She thought I was mentally intact. Even given this thought, the hospital was still negligent discharging me as I was still in and out of consciousness and without an assistive device. Also, no one knew I was being discharged. They could have called one of my kids to get the name of a friend to contact.
I totally agree that you needed to figure out another emergency contact so that that what happened to you never ever happens again. Your decision on who you picked as another contact is your business, not your daughter's.
Sorry your daughter is behaving stupidly. I would consider it a warning not to expect much help from her as you grow older. Think about your future plans now.
Take care.
I would not want to be your contact either, you say it was a bad break and I think your daughter sees you siding with her enemy, anyways that is how I would feel if my loving mom didn't support me in what she herself knew was a terrible situation for me. Not that I would care if she had contact, just don't include me in any way shape or form.
I can't tell what exactly is wrong with you at 64 but, you are very young to be needing a care home and too articulate for me to think you are far enough gone in dementia to need your daughter to care for you in one of her facilities.
Do you make sure your daughter remembers she is your adopted daughter too? I get sick to my stomach when adoptive parents make it a point that people know this information, as though she's not really your daughter.
Sounds like it's time for both of you to grow up.
Medicare? You said your age is 64, your not able to receive Medicare at 64 so are you collecting SS disability? I so hope your able to get this hospital penalized big time. If you have a trusted neighbor, I may ask if they could be put down as a contact. Not so much to pick u up, that makes the responsible for you, but so they can make sure when u get home, your looked in on. This was handled so badly and someone's head is going to roll.