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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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1) Maybe tell the sister in law that due to future care costs , everyone needs to pay their own way and ask her to pay you back via Venmo so your husband doesn’t get upset . Let him think he’s treating.
2) If you think idea # 1) would not go over well , then find reasons to not go out with her as often. Have pot luck at the house so she ( and everyone ) contributes to the meal while you all visit .
I see the OP's side and I see Alva's too. My husband always picks up the tab where his brother is concerned. Early in our relationship that rubbed me the wrong way. He insisted his brother did so much for him when they were young. Ok. Now 25 years later and his brother has not once picked up the tab. It no longer fazes me as we keep our money separate and he can do what he likes with his money.
As far as the OP, if you are having financial issues you need to talk with the sister.
My husband is not demented, but he is a good guy and I'm a good person, so people often expect to much out of us, but we make a great team , I'm his bad guy , he is mine.
You may have to step in and deal with things like this, now
I wouldn't take this from her husband. I would bet he ALWAYS treated his sister. I hope OP will let us know if this is now a cash flow problem or a new dementia problem.
It is his SISTER, for goodness sake. Yes, you are the wife. But for me, my brother was the most important and steadfast and loving man in my life. The other men came and went. The latest has lasted 37 years, so that's not bad. Still, my brother was the man who told me "If I have a penny to my name then YOU have a penny to yours. I am ALWAYS HERE FOR YOU." And he always was. When he descended into Lewy's Dementia I returned the favor the best I could given my human limitations. Brothers and sisters, imho, at best, have a beautiful, joyous and unbreakable bond in which each wants NOTHING BUT THE BEST for the other. (There. You know my prejudices going in).
Honestly, this doesn't rise to the level of a problem of any kind in my own humble opinion. If you and husband can afford to treat his sister when you go out then allow him to be the "big guy" he likely ALWAYS was. Allow him to treat. Let it be.
If however you and your hubby CANNOT afford to do this, then there are two SIMPLE CHOICES: Either: "Oh, Margaret, I would love for us to take you to lunch again, but money is so tight for us, and you know George; he just has to treat. I am so sorry we can't do it. How about we come to your for lunch or you come here. We'll have sandwiches and play dominos" OR "Margaret, George isn't comfortable with anyone else picking up the tab and it isn't something we can discuss now with his dementia. I am so sorry, but we just can't afford to go out picking up the tab all the time. We will have to cut the number of times we go to lunch in half and it sure isn't for any love of you. Please drop by whenever you can."
You know. The simple truth. And as dear Dr Laura always says "Just be polite". May your problems ALWAYS be this small! That would be blessing enough for anyone.
If you don't have lots of money then have a talk with her privately. Tell her his Denentia is making him delusional and you really don't have it to treatvevery time you go out. Maybe stop going out?
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
1) Maybe tell the sister in law that due to future care costs , everyone needs to pay their own way and ask her to pay you back via Venmo so your husband doesn’t get upset . Let him think he’s treating.
2) If you think idea # 1) would not go over well , then find reasons to not go out with her as often. Have pot luck at the house so she ( and everyone ) contributes to the meal while you all visit .
As far as the OP, if you are having financial issues you need to talk with the sister.
You may have to step in and deal with things like this, now
Honestly, this doesn't rise to the level of a problem of any kind in my own humble opinion.
If you and husband can afford to treat his sister when you go out then allow him to be the "big guy" he likely ALWAYS was. Allow him to treat. Let it be.
If however you and your hubby CANNOT afford to do this, then there are two SIMPLE CHOICES:
Either:
"Oh, Margaret, I would love for us to take you to lunch again, but money is so tight for us, and you know George; he just has to treat. I am so sorry we can't do it. How about we come to your for lunch or you come here. We'll have sandwiches and play dominos"
OR
"Margaret, George isn't comfortable with anyone else picking up the tab and it isn't something we can discuss now with his dementia. I am so sorry, but we just can't afford to go out picking up the tab all the time. We will have to cut the number of times we go to lunch in half and it sure isn't for any love of you. Please drop by whenever you can."
You know. The simple truth. And as dear Dr Laura always says "Just be polite".
May your problems ALWAYS be this small! That would be blessing enough for anyone.