My mother has dementia and my father has many health issues. There are two of us siblings who live locally, and are the first responders to the daily "crisis" calls. A third sibling lives 3 hours away and claims it is "a hardship" to travel to help her parents, when we call her to give a break for a few days.
The two of us who live locally work full time, while our sister who lives in a neighboring state does not work and has no young children at home.
What can we do or say to her to help her understand that just because she is not local, there are many ways she can still help us out?
There is at least one of them in every family, and on the flip side, at least one like the giving people here on Aging Care. That is the way it goes. Save yourself time and frustration by ignoring it. People don't change. YOU are awesome! xo
You do not fit those shoes, so don't take it personally, sweetheart. We love you:)
xoxo
It would be easier if there were three to share the load. In fact, it would be better if there were five. But you don't happen to have 2 siblings who will share, any more than you have four. It is what it is.
If you and Local Sis are willing to each do one-third of the care, why not hire the remaining 1/3 done? This should be paid for out of your parents assets or income. They are very lucky to have the two of you local daughters!
i doubt my mother will have anything left as she is a spendaholic, but i would want my sister to have all of it. my brother doesn't deserve it, and i had to cut all ties to the witch to preserve my physical/emotional/psychological health. my sister is the only one of us who deserves anything.
What most caregivers really want from distant family is interest and support. We want relatives to talk to Dad, to talk to us, to ask how we are doing, to thank us and admire us for the difficult things we do. Suggestions, yes -- criticism, no. I don't know how you'd put this in a "to-do" list, but perhaps you could at least talk about what kind of emotional support would be meaningful to you.