She will give up her job and take a degree. Our Mum has been diagnosed with mixed dementia mid stage. She manages on her own at the moment with us both visiting once a week. She wants to stay in her own home and the town she has lived in all her life. Our Dad is in a fully funded nursing home they don't have vast amounts of money but the house and a bit of savings. My sister wants 30.000 a year to cover her wages she will lose. She intends her husband who is a year younger than our Mum to care for her when she is not home. We have joint IPA on both finance and health, I don't think this is the right thing for Mum and worry about my sisters motives and her insecure life. She owns no property is married to a man 25 years older that is retired himself. However I would not object if it was right for Mum although I do feel the amount of money is unacceptable. Is there any guidelines in this or a legal process that can regulate this?
As for the salary of $30,000 that is dirt cheap because eventually your Mom will need 24 hour care, and let's say that would be $12/hour, that would be $105,000 per year, not counting expenses not covered by insurance that would be needed to make your Mom comfortable.
Your sister would need to write out contract with her Mom as to what she will do as a Caregiver, how many hours she will work, if she has any days off, who will take care of her Mom on those days off or when your sister should get sick, how the income taxes are paid, etc.
If things look good, then the money would be okay. But really... if I wanted to spend $30K I would just consider an assisted living community that comes without all the family worries. You may want to put this option on the table if you feel your sister will back out of her end of the deal.
Is this arrangement in Mom's best interest? You'll have to explore the alternatives, for now and into the future, to come to conclusions.
Does Mom have assets in addition to her house? Would she qualify for Medicaid? What kind of in-home services would she qualify for? Would that be enough for now, to keep her in her home? When she becomes more disabled presumably Medicaid would pay for a nursing home of some kind.
Or if she sold her home and used that money for assisted living or another kind of care center, how long would that money last? Presumably Medicaid would take over after the money runs out.
How open would your mother be to a care center? How open would she be to having paid caregivers come into her home?
Has sister ever cared for a person with dementia? She would quite her job and go for a degree. Pursuing a degree can certainly be a full-time job, but it could also be taken at a slower pace, and studying can be done at home. (Although caregiving will present lots of stress and disruptions.) Is her husband a pretty capable caregiver? Did they raise children?
I suggest that before anything permanent happens, Mother stays with Sis for a month or so, as a "visit." That may help everyone to understand what this will involve, and all of you can revisit the issue of selling the house, etc.
While Mom is visiting might be a good time to get the house prepared for sale. Even if you don't wind up selling the house will be clean and fresh for Mom.
All parties should realize the most persons with mixed dementia will eventually need nursing home care.
When you get closer to making a decision, be sure to have an attorney who specializes in Elder Law help you set things up. Unless Mom's savings are very substantial it is likely that she'll have to apply for Medicaid at some point. Getting the i's dotted and t's crossed now will save you more than the attorney fees down the road.
Your sister's proposal may be in Mom's best interests. Just don't sign off on it without being convinced of that.
And, so, is that £30K you're talking about?
I can tell you for certain, anyway, that if she is caring for someone with multiple dementia your sister will not be studying for a degree. She'll be lucky if she gets to read a newspaper. I agree with you, this is a half-baked idea that reflects your sister's touching innocence when it comes to what the carer's every day is like. Find better options.