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Regarding get an elder into either a skilled nursing facility or nursing home and there has been no change with the elder only more declining which we can see weekly. She sometimes soils her clothing and she will only bathe once a week and that is when I force the issue and she says she changes her clothing every other day but will not physically let me see her do it. She takes several meds which are placed in pill holders but at this point I am not sure she even takes them as the other day I looked where the meds are kept and they were scattered all over the drawer. I am an only since it is only me to determine this and in addition since this COVID I have to put in so many work hours from home. Her Dr's office is still not seeing patients in the office and telemedicine is not an option, she would prob fall asleep during the appt and the sleeping issue is a whole other issue since she would sleep 18 hours a day of you left her. I am hoping to try and call the Nurse Practitioner tomorrow and speak to her but am wondering if there any other agencies I should be in touch with. It's putting a strain on the whole family as we also have younger kids that I need to tend to also. I am sure any place is not ideal right now with COVID still prevelant but I am about at my wits end and tired of screaming at everyone I know I shouldn't be. TIA

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You need to take over her pills. Not taking them correctly could be causing some of the decline. She maybe overdosing. My friend did and landed in the hospital.

So sorry you r going thru this now. Hope the offices open soon.
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Believe me I try but most times it just ends in an argument and she ends up going to her room for the rest of the day/night. I hate to say it but I am honestly sick of arguing and everyone being miserable all the time. We would like to have some sort of normalcy but at the present that doesn't even seem possible. I can do one good deed but then anything else I try ends in an argument :(
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What is the most worrisome issue for you ? If she is comfortably sleeping most of the time, that is a blessing. What is your ideal set-up that you want for her ? Do you need to work on a Medicaid application to place her? Focus your energies to work on that goal.
Does she have funds that you can access to pay for her care in her home in the meantime? If not, can you pay for her care or a helper in her home until she is placed? Streamline your efforts in order to achieve your goals. I know this is a challenging time with the pandemic, but I think you can achieve your goals with focused energy.
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Maine127 May 2020
I really am not sure what the ideal set-up would be but this just doesn't seem to be working for any of us. And I really feel like the sleeping all the time isn't helping just making her withdraw even more if that's possible. She does not have the funds to pay nor will she allow a helper to come to the house so that is not an option even though she knows the alternative. I am working 40+ hrs a week remote from home, taking care of kids and hubby and also trying to keep things going for her which is proving to be a challenge. I assume a Medicaid application is coming but at this point I don't know when I would even have the time or energy to complete all that is needed.
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Have you considered, or would you consider a camera to keep an eye on her from afar? You can get a motion-detected camera for not much cost. Please thumbs up responses so we know that you are reading our suggestions, and for courtesy. Thank You.
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Things are at a standstill b/o Covid 19 thus I would re-think gemswinner’s suggestions.

If she doesn’t have Medicaid, how will she pay for a SNF? You’ll have to tackle this before placing her. Medicare does not pay for long term care.

I’m not familiar with your prior posts thus don’t have a history of mom’s illness. But she sounds like she doesn’t require a lot of care and sounds content where she is.

Other than paying out of pocket for an aide to get you through this unprecedented time you may just need to soldier through this. I know it isn’t easy.
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Someone I met with last week is currently visiting their relative 2x daily to administer pills. Well trying.. lot of arguments & often the pills were in the sink before she got there.

We discused it & decided it may be time for her relative to have a good chat to her Doctor (& to word the Doctor up first). Discuss her wishes including advance care wishes. It was her right to refuse her meds & live the way she wanted but would she understand the consequences? And was she competent to decide? (Had the beginnings of dementia).

If not, we only came up with the solution of a paid Aide being employed to visit to administer the pills from a locked cupboard (as she lived alone). The choice would be to accept the Aide to her home or nursing home would be required. (She could still refuse the meds wherever she lives, but would have more supervision for meals/falls in the NH).

I'm not sure what the answer is - sorry! But you are not alone!

If you think your Mother needs more care than you give, it's OK to start that discussion with her Doctor. I would try the tele-appointment to start somewhere. There may be heart or any other reason for the sleepiness. It may open the way for more support for you too. It's too much for one person to do - find some helpers 🙏.
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Maine, when you say “everyone”, who are you talking about besides yourself? Who is upset besides you? It sounds like Mom is content, but from what you alone have seen, you would like better care for her; is that correct?
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