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When declare that it is a scam, she replies, "but they need our help". We argue constantly about junk mail, as well as telemarketing calls. At the moment she is buying much merchandise from "Publishers Clearing House" for items that are cheap Chinese junk, and that are already in the house. Her false hope is that we are going to win a million dollars. I have insisted that we go to counseling, threatened divorce, become exceedingly angry; nothing works! How do I get through to this woman?

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There is a website you can sign up for that may help stop junk mail. I am finding companys are getting smart, but if they enclose a stamped self addressed envelope send the mail they sent back with your address circled and "take me off ur mailing list" written on it. I have also sent emails requesting they take me off their lists. It cut down on most of the junk mail. Calls are another thing. I finally got caller ID. If not a number I know, I let it go to voicemail. Most of the time they disconnect when the VM comes on. The PO Box is a good idea.
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Another fond memory ...my grandfather passed away in 1991 - he kept getting letters about his 2010 Corolla (..yea, the car I have - now how he got associated with it, no clue) - called the company... said that I’m acting as the representative for my grandfather. Said he’s moved...but I’m sure he’d love the chance to upgrade his 2010 Corolla. The representative seemed happy ~~ until I said...
“He’s a very dignified man for sure...and I’m sure he’d love to have the chance to test drive a new car. Hopefully y’all won’t mind the ashes/dirt that his body likely is...after all he’s been dead since 1991.”

Boy oh boy that representative sure shut his mouth. Attitude changed from pushy rep to totally speechless.

My current strategy for future mailings (if/when) if needed. Seems to work due to the shock value.
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Lol, midnight. My hubby did that with his mothers debt collectors.
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I had a few of those for my grandfather (telemarketer) ~ I would very sweetly tell them that he ‘moved’ and gave them the cemetery address along with the plot number. Stops them quick...
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Interesting to look back at my posts from two years ago. God, this was a frustrating issue!

The stamina of these charities is truly impressive. My mom passed away a little over a year ago and prior to that while she was living in the nursing home, I got all her mail forwarded to me - plus had all of her checks and banking info - so no charity donations for that year as well.

So, a little over two years since any of them have heard from my mom and received a penny from her. You’d think this problem would have passed by now as well, right?

Nope. Everyday there is at least half a dozen charity requests addressed to my mom. The other day I counted 15!

I’m thinking of doing another forwarding address for my mother. Do you think I’d get in trouble if I had moms mail forwarded to the most persistent and annoying charity? The one I’m thinking of has pictures of dead horses on the outside of their envelopes- so you pretty much can’t avoid the gruesome pic - unless you sort the mail with your eyes closed.
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Same with my grandmom ~ mostly religious stuff (from every part of the country) but some regular charities too. I went online for the charities that I could - requesting that the remove her name. Most of the time it worked. But for a few of the more stubborn ones ~ I would stuff the return envelope to the brink with assorted paper junk, etc and send it back. Usually after about 7 or 8 times they take the hint. I had one particularly obnoxious charity that had the nerve to send yet another request for money... with a hand written note, asking if I forgot to send money last time. UGH... got together 10 regular envelopes as well as their latest solicitation - filled to the brink, making it heavy as possible — included a hand written note that had some very unkind words on it. Never heard from them again... currently it’s very rare that we even get junk mail, usually just the normal household bills. Such a change of pace...not shredding every piece of junk mail that comes in the door. Now for unwanted telemarketers and other assorted vermin (scammers) ~ that’s another story. Still trying to figure that one out.
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Edna you've reminded me of the appalled expression on my mother's face when I held the Saturday newspaper over the bin and shook out all the leaflets and flyers and inserts straight into it. You'd have thought she was expecting there to be a winning lottery ticket in there somewhere.
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This is what works for us. I have discontinued the land line. I have programmed his cell phone to ring ONLY when people on his contact list call him. Thus, no telemarketers or scam callers. He does not use the computer at all. Has never had an interest in it.
As for the mail, after it comes, it has a habit of "disappearing". Out of sight, out of mind.
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My father blows much of his social security check on fake sweepstakes he gets in the mail. When I diverted the mail to my home, a right i has because I have POA, he and my mother reported me to the local post office and tried to get me convicted of a felony. I had to hire a criminal defense attorney to get out of it. Moral of the story: don’t help your aging parents unless you want to be a felon!!!!
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I thought my mother was the last person on earth to still be receiving PCH envelopes!! She enters every single time...along with ordering some piece of garbage that she does not need!!! I "cleaned" for her a couple of years ago, she had a stack of boxes stuffed with the PCH envelopes and ALL the inserts. Stated she had to hang on to them or when she won, she couldn't prove she was who she was. Big fight ensues. I ended up putting 5 huge boxes in storage, marked "Super Important papers" which meant "If mother ever dies, these can go right into the recycling box". And she still hoards...everyday she gets between 2-5 catalogs and she keeps them all. She waits for her mailman at the door, everyday, b/c if my SIL (with whom she lives) gets the mail first, mother thinks she'll take her catalogs. She wouldn't, but mother needs those.
I wonder if I could get her on the "no catalog list". She's wasting thousands of dollars and certainly doesn't need ANYTHING. If the catalogs stopped coming, maybe she'd forget about them and all the stuff she doesn't need, but can't live without. Hmmmm....(BTW, she has entered every PCH contest for over 65 years and has won..nothing. She states that this is our "inheritance". Well, yes it is. All those envelopes. All that garbage. Super!)
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I agree. I told PCH to take me off their mailing list. They sell ur name. Lots of junk mail stopped. I buy no magazine subscriptions. Don't join any contests. If a prepaid envelope is included, then I circle my name and address with "take my name off mailing list". And send back all the inserts. Stopped that mail. I also have gone on-line and requested no mail.
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I could write. a. book. A BOOK. Scammers, of them. Mom was getting a foot tall pile of mail a week. Save the donkeys, save the elephants, save the dolphins. Give give give. YOU maybe a WINNER. Sweepstakes by the dozens. She was writing $400 a month as 'entry fees'. It all began with Ed McMahon Publishers Clearinghouse, may he roast in h3ell. That puts you on a sucker list. It goes on and on and on and on, and it WILL NOT STOP. You have to have the mail re-directed to you, not them. They will spend their last penny on a chance of winning $48 million dollars, and they will bring a check when they go meet that nice man at the drugstore. To buy some gift cards off the rack up front - Visa, Discover, Amazon, whatever the nice man thinks is best.
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About 3 years ago I found out accidentally while my m\other was getting hip surgery that she was cashing checks that were being sent to her in addition to running up her credit card balance by withdrawing monies at the bank and sending it wherever to -- whomever. She was also using the Money Card you can get from Wal-Mart or Radio Shack, but you can't get a refund for the card, you have to contact Money Card directly. Nonetheless, I took action, I was able to retrieve $3,000 back from the Money Card, and refinance her credit card. She still gets bogus mail, but not at all like before because she is no longer cashing checks and her mail comes to my address directly so I an see what is coming in. The other day someone sent her a check for $6,000. She wants me to take it to the bank, cash it, and "all I need is $5.00" she wrote on a piece of paper. So to respond to your question: It never stops and they will keep believing so we have to be their protectors. I was thinking about letting her take it to the bank so the tellers there can tell her it's not real. May still do that just so they can see what I'm going through.
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It's called beat the spouse to the mailbox and pick up the mail before they do. Doing so gives you a good start on controlling the junk mail coming into the home because you can have a different trash band just for junk mail. Another idea is to get a PO Box and redirect your mail. You can collect mail at the post office, and dump the junk mail there because they have trash bins out for those with PO boxes
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I programmed my husband's cell phone so that the only time he hears it ring is when his children, my children or me call him. All other incoming calls are on silent ring tone. He keeps his phone in a holster on his belt. The only way he knows he has received a phone call from anyone else is that the phone lights up . Since it is in the holster, the call goes unnoticed. Only these family members have his number.
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Magazines sell your name thats why I no longer subscribe. Hardley get any catalogs and if I don't order eventually they stop. Cleaning out MILs house we found all those little gifts she got sent from places she ordered from. One thing about changing addresses is the Post Office doesn't send on 3rd class mail.
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If only I got as many gardening catalogues as I do the miscellaneous ones with all sorts of stuff I don't need....I'd be a happy recipient of catalogues if they were gardening ones.
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geewiz, thanks for the opt-out catalogs website. I made an account. Now I need to save the catalogs and donation envelopes as the website needs what address the company is using :)
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You send me a nickel or dollar and I should make a donation. Hey why don't you keep the nickel or dollar? They add up.
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Oh yes Oprah Magazine tells us we have $46.00 of credit since I cancelled my mother's subscription. I keep telling me them to send it to us as she nor I have time to sit and read a magazine. I love Oprah, but can we please have our money?
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You won't. I was able to recoop my mother's money. And I changed her address at the USPS to my address. I have seen a considerable decrease in junk mail to her. She's still convinced that when her winnings come through she is going to buy another car. No matter how many times I would explain no money and definitely no car, she still thinks and says it out loud. Give it to the Lord. P.S. She also has no license so she thinks her state issued ID is a driver's license. God bless her.
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My dad died 16 years ago and my mom 5 years ago. I wrote letters to all incoming correspondence stating they had passed away. It stopped it for awhile, but every now and then I'll still get something for one of them. A new application for a credit card or request to join some book club. So now I call and raise h3ll. That has worked too. There is also the Attorney General's no call list. My mom was near deaf and had a habit of just nodding, "yes, yes, yes." One time she ordered 40 magazines over the phone. Car and Driver, Golf Digest, Computer Times, Cat Fancy, Bird World, all kinds of stuff. omg....I can laugh now, but because I had put her phone number on the attorney general no-call list, they got that stopped right away.
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Here is an 'opt out ' for catalogs. Perhaps this will help

catalogchoicedotorg catalogs
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I loved the Business Reply Envelopes that came with some of the junk mail as well. The organization pays by the ounce to get these back, so I would stuff them with as much as they would hold, tape them closed and send them on their merry way. These organizations I never heard from again. All of the 3rd class mailers have to have an endorsement, which they pay to get back, for any undeliverable mail. That is one way they can get changed address's. Eventually they will stop. Foreign correspondence are another matter. No forwarding there. Most dementia patients think a lot of this is bills and pay them accordingly, like my mother did. She would get some every month from the same organization, political and charities. Careful, some of the charities are not sanctioned and are not, for that reason, deductible from taxes. There are a lot out there.
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This is how I cut down on junk mail. If a postage paid envelope is included in the junk mail I put all the paperwork in the envelope with my address circled asking to take my name off their mailing list. If an PP envelope is not included, I go on-line and contact the company asking to be taken off their mailing list. I list the address and any other addresses thast vary. Such as, one may say Jo Ann Miller, another J A Miller ect. Another way to curb junk mail is not to order magazines. Not to enter contests u see in the mail. I've done this for me and my Mom and I have cut down on our junk mail.
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Just finished talking to my Mom on the phone about all the charity gifts. She looks at each one, and is easily convinced that it's a great cause, and only $5/$10/$15/$25.00, and she can afford it. The political scam mail is the worst. She has come to believe that if she receives these requests, she should "help out".

I have online access to her checking account (as a co-signer), and put an alert for any check over a certain amount; so she can't add too many zeros... I can monitor the checks coming in, and so far there haven't been any huge donations, but the fact is, that she doesn't remember writing these checks after they've gone out the door.

I had plans to get her doctor to refer her to a neurologist, as she had a home health nurse coming by after surgery, and the nurse noticed her repetitions and trouble managing her meds, but someone dropped the ball, and Mom is so good at putting on her "company manners"... until she gets home. Then she can't remember what happened at the doctor's office.
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Yep, cwillie - exactly! The metal garbage cans was the only way to keep the critters away! And thank God! The only thing worse than dealing with all her Eddie Bauer treasures would have been if they were ruined by rodents.
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Ha ha ha about the metal garbage cans Rainmom, my uncle used the same strategy. His place was over run with mice/rats so he figured it kept his clothes and more valuable stuff safe from them. Most of what he considered "valuables" went straight to the dumpster!
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Midkid wrote; " Waiting for those to come is her main source of entertainment."

I think therein lies one of the factors contributing to the home shopping/home ordering/ home charitable donation phenomena/addiction. If they can no longer go out to go shopping at whim, they bring the shopping to them.

There's an economic theory addressing the emotional satisfaction gained from shopping. It was one of the first I learned in MacroEconomics, but now long forgotten except as to the observations.

People get some kind of self satisfaction from buying things. Perhaps it makes them feel better, feel richer, feel more alive.... I don't know. But I think it's one of the factors in older people buying stuff from catalogues.

FF succinctly described it sometime ago: "every day is like Christmas."
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I have had some success stopping junk mail by actually opening it and using the return envelope provided to request that they remove mom's name from their mailing list as she has died, or moved, or whatever. Sometimes you have to provide your own stamp but it is a small price to pay.
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