I am the youngest of four children. We're all middle-aged. For the past eight years, I've been caring for my elderly parents. Unfortunately, I went into this situation without a clear outline of my duties and financial responsibilities. My parents wished to stay in their home and asked me and my family (husband and 2 kids) to move in with them. My parents had been unable to keep up the maintenance on their house, and though I came over to help out each weekend, the house needed major renovations. So when I moved in, we all decided together to put my name on the deed so I could take out a loan to repair the house.
My father died of cancer a few years ago. I, my mother and my husband cared for him at home. My siblings did not visit or help. They did come for a memorial service, whereupon one sister threw a major tantrum about her "inheritance." She seemed to think that the house would go to her and not my mom. Ever since then, she has been obsessed with the house, alternately begging to move in with us and badmouthing me on Facebook. She portrays me as a freeloader, even though she's the one always borrowing money from our mother. She even has friends drive by the house to report back to her. I know she's going through a hard time, but she's managed to alienate all her siblings, and my mother doesn't want her here. This sister even received a $7K life insurance policy from my father that the rest of us didn't get, but she's already blown through the money.
What I worry about most is that after my mother dies, my mother's part of the house will be split among my other siblings, and I am sure this sister will drag me into court arguing about what she proclaims is an "unfair" split. She has already been involved in many lawsuits with other people. I would like to remove my name from the deed, so that it's not an issue, but I have over $100K invested in the house. I don't see any way out of this tangle other than to sell the house, which would mean moving my mother out of her own home.
After talking with my mother's pastor, I realized that this sister feels that I am the "favorite" child, and that she's been shortchanged (despite doing nothing for our parents). The pastor thinks that removing my name from the deed won't actually solve the problem. Even so, I want the strife over my mother's future estate to end. I don't even care about getting any money - I would be happy with nothing if that would stop my sister from causing me stress. I have repeatedly told her that my mother may need to sell the house anyway if she needs to go into care, but my sister doesn't listen to facts or reason. She's very difficult to communicate with, because she only talks about herself.
They lawyer looked at me, and said "they aren't going to be friends with you after this, you understand that, right?" You bet! they're not friends with me now anyhoo, so who cares! LOL At any rate, I think you should follow suit. I found once this was in place, I did not get upset at their shenanigans, because I had ironclad protection. I sleep well now!
@kazzaa, if I understand your arrangement, your sister only gets a share of the proceeds from the house when your mum dies. So if you have to sell it beforehand for your mum's care, your sister won't get anything (it's the same with my mom's house). I know just how difficult it is to talk with your mum about her estate and her wishes for her end of life care, but I would advise having a family meeting with the lawyer, so it's clear to everyone involved what the arrangements are. I wish I had done that before we moved in to my mother's house.
My mum has five kids 4 who give a crap none of us 4 own a house my elder sister had 2 houses paid in full has never helped my mum out when things were quite tough here im going way back. Now my mum has left the house to us 4 BUT has put in her will that my sis gets X amount when house is sold? So if we have to use mums house for her care in a NH there may be little left for us BUT my sis may get her share coming out better than us?? Its so hard to discuss this with my mum as she just says i dont really want to leave her anything But im afraid shed commit suicide if I left her nothing? Family coming next week to discuss mums care and if we are to give up our inheritence for mums sake then why should she get anything? I myslelf will have to talk to a lawyer but if mum dosnt change her will now then i dont think we stand a chance. Its not the money its her getting a share when shes done nothing for mum her whole entire life. So hard for parents to see thier kids turn out so selfish and still feel they have to leave them something?
Be prepared to piss off all of your siblings. Sorry but this is why it is best not to put your kids on your property/accounts before you die. Just leave it all in your estate and let them divide it up when the dust settles.
One reason most lawyers advise not leaving out children from a will or showing favorites is because of the legacy it creates. You leave discord behind and anger. You have to ask yourself is that what you really want to do. It carries on to the next generation and never ends.
There is nothing you will be able to do to get her to stop. If she's that jealous and greedy (or thinks she's entitled) you will not change her behavior. By trying to appease her your enabling her. All of this is from my experience with my sister. My therapist recommend I stop engaging her. We will talk but as soon as she starts with the crap I literally get up and walk away.
Does your mom have dementia? Is she of "sound mind" if so, I would gather all supporting documentation of what you have done with the home and go to a lawyer. If possible get your other siblings support. Explain you would get like your invest back as a "thank you" for taking care of your parents so they didn't. Ask if it can be separate from the "inheritance". Did the100K investment increase the property value? Point that out - you made all of them a little extra.