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My mother is in a memory care nursing facility. They go into her room, even with the door closed, and they rummage through her drawers, and personal belongings. They steal her things everyday, right in front of her. She is immobile, and can do nothing to prevent it. It is costing me a lot of money having to constantly replace items, because the nursing home just okey dokey's me when I complain about her clothes or other things that have disappeared. They never turn back up. I have even started doing her laundry, hoping it would help. I don't know what to do about it. Any suggestions?

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This "not the way things have to be".

My mothers own laundry was always returned to her. Always dressed in her own clothes.

Anothing that disappeared (one item) she was reimbursed for.

Call the ombudsman.

Google "CMS Nursing Home Bill of Rights".
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kristakay Mar 2022
I'm in the US...we don't have them here. Everyone that I've talked to about it just shrugs, and has the attitude like "it happens". I can understand "it" happening occasionally, but she was literally down to one pair of pants. They never get found. They can't have left the building!. They won't allow me into the laundry room to look for some reason. It's very frustrating!
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terrible. poor you, and poor your mother.

(and she's immobile, can do nothing).
awful.

and some of the people stealing, might be doing it very consciously (whether it's staff...or people with dementia. there are many degrees of dementia: some people are totally aware of what they're doing, right and wrong, morals).

a dramatic solution, would be to move to another facility? (speaking to family of other people to see what they say about the new facility).

when patterns like this start (stealing, daily!) --- i think it's very unlikely it'll stop.

i think unfortunately, it might continue to cause stress for you, and your mother.

it could also be a warning sign of other not good things happening. hug!!
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kristakay Mar 2022
Yes, there are other issues. Unfortunately, we don't have any other options at the moment. She is both physically and memory impaired, and most places won't take her because of the level of care she needs....or the ones that will take her, don't take Medicaid, or they don't have any beds. I was relieved when this place had a bed and would take her, because she was at home with me. I'm an only child with health issues of my own, and she became way more than I could handle on my own. But there are so many issues at this place that I consider unacceptable, I just don't know what to do. One of the main problems, is that she does have Alzheimer's, but she isn't nearly at the level that most of the residents at this place are, so she really has no one to talk to, or make any kind of friendship with. And she is also physically impaired, and can't get around on her own, which most of the residents there are able to walk around. She's miserable, which makes me miserable. I spend most of my time there with her, because I can't bear to leave her there alone. This truly is the worst disease....so cruel.
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If you see your mother's outfit on another resident, photograph it. Take it to the exec director. Ask that the outfit be returned.

Yes, there is a NH bill of rights. Yes there is an ombudsman.

Start advocating for change.
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There is not much you can do except make sure she just has the basic, bare essentials there. Nothing valuable. Laundry inevitable gets mixed up in NH's. My father seemed to have a different shirt on everyday, some were his, others were not. One day he was wearing a nice button down that I know wasn't his, and I complimented "that's a nice shirt"! The aide giggled. You just have to accept it, make light of it, and don't have anything expensive in the room.
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kristakay Mar 2022
The problem is it's not just clothes. A lot of money is walking out the door. My mother has always been a very classy, proud woman. She wouldn't be comfortable wearing anyone else's clothes. I don't like it either. I surely don't like seeing brand new outfits that I just bought for her, on other residents! It seems like a pretty simple thing to keep in order. All of her clothes are labeled.
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There is no reason that items can't be sorted out in the laundry, is the clothing not labelled with name tags?

My mom was also in a wheelchair and I was nervous for her when people wandered into her room because she was unable to call for help or defend herself, her nursing home began using stop sign banners that adhered to the door frame and that seemed to work (when staff remembered to use them).
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kristakay Mar 2022
Everything is labeled, and I'm now doing all of her laundry because of it. It's still happening, because the wanderers take things, and I believe the aides that work there, take her clothes and put them others sometimes.
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