I am 63yrs old. I have a 93 yr old mother. She lives alone in a 3 story house, basement main floor, and upstairs. She uses a cane to help with her balance, she needs a walker, but reuses to have one.
A week ago she was found by a neighbor wandering around outside at night in house shoes, a t-shirt, a scarf, a coat, and nothing else. The temperature was in the 20's. The neighbor contacted me and said she was showing signs of dementia and that they would keep her at their place overnight. I live 2hr away. The neighbor later contacted me to inform me they called an ambulance to take her to the hospital as she became combative wanting to go back to her home.
When I got to the hospital my mom want constantly trying to get out of the bed to put her coat on to leave. I sat with her for two hours waiting for the doctor to release her. For those entire two hours, she kept complaining about all the bugs on the floor and walls, and all the people in her room and in the hallway, which there were none. I realized she was wandering around outside because she was seeing people and wanted to know what they wanted or why they were in her yard. The doctor told me she had a urinary tract infection and prescribed medication for it. That doctor wanted to keep her overnight, but my mother wanted to leave, and I thought she would calm down and go to sleep once she got home. She did not for at least another 5 hours she was constantly trying to go outside to see why the people were out there, and yelling at me for not doing anything about the people inside.
I was able to get in touch with her regular doctor who informed me once she is done with the urinary tract medication, the hallucinations would end. He has also referred her to a Homemaker group, saying this will take time to set up, but someone would contact me in 4 to 6 weeks. This group will provide someone to get her meds to ensure she is taking them and taking them correctly, and to clean, cook, take her to or run errands for her. This would be after they assess what is needed, they may determine she needs to be in assisted living, which is something my mom says she absolutely will not do.
Currently:
She is still seeing people outside.
She says she doesn't need help
She does not want me with her
When my PTO runs out I will not be able to pay my rent, as I have no savings. I may have another week left.
My mom has difficulty hearing, most times you have to repeat yourself several times.
From what I have seen and her telling me, she falls almost once a week, maybe twice every three weeks. She really needs assisted living.
I could go on and on. I am in desperate need of what to do.
Right she complains all day about why am I still here, when I am going to work, etc.
I have considered getting Power of Attorney and/or Guardianship, but NO WAY is she going to sign off on any of those.
My mom has Life Alert for if she falls and can't get up. There are a couple of neighbors who check in on her. There are no other family members around who can assist.
Can someone help me or point me to where I can get help/advise?
Thank you.
Most GP's I have run into have no clue about dementia. She is 93, falling, wandering, time to place her in MC for her own safety.
If she doesn't improve significantly after the UTI clears up and still acts stubborn about getting help, you can call APS and report a demented elder living alone. If they determine she needs placement, they'll get her placed. Guardianship costs quite a lot of money and w/o cooperation on moms part, you're fighting an uphill battle.
Best of luck with a difficult situation.
If you're in charge of her affairs it's time to place her in a care facility that can meet her needs and keep her safe.
I don’t think this doctor was very thorough in his assessment of your mom. He should have recommended follow up care for her.
My mom went through a stage where she was trying to escape. Her doctor placed her on Ativan and Seroquel and she stopped trying to walk out of the front door.
It’s sad that you live so far away. It’s time to plan for placement so your mother will be in a safe environment.
She isn’t safe living alone and she may continue to wander around.
Wishing you and your mom all the best.
Now it MAY just be a UTI... may clear by about day 7 or so. If not, it MAY be a nasty UTI of a different bacteria requiring a different antibiotic (This happened to me once.. A week later still suffering. Once the speciman results were back the Doc said Ah, no wonder the 1st anti didn't work - you'll need THIS one. That fixed it).
Now it could be UTI + ANOTHER reason for the delerium. A chest infection, Covid, dehydration, mix up of medications, or some other reason.
She won't be fit to sign any kind of legal document in a delerius/confused state.
Decide how long you can stay.
This is really the only thing in your power.
Then speak to the discharge planner or ward manager. Ensure they know you live out of state.
Mother may need some sort of emergency respite care until she can be safely able to be discharged home alone.
It may just be one UTI & Mother returns pretty much to normal. Then you can start the conversations (by phone) of her getting some home help eg cleaning, grocery help.
Warning: It can take more than SIX times for an elder to even accept discussing. If strongly independant' (aka stubborn) it will take MANY more.
I've had years now of LO's frequent falls but not bad enough falls for the whole loop: fall-hospital-rehab-home-fall again etc. The risk is still within reason (just).
A risk assessment here shows:
93 yo, wandered half dressed at night in the cold...
While the risk of this happening again is unknown, once UTIs creep in, it could be LIKELY. Regardless of occurance, the result could be catastrophic. That makes it HIGH risk.
Hopefully the UTI clears & you can have a honest chat to Mother aboit her future options. She gets some home help a few times a week or moves may be realistic.