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I’m her caregiver and she is in dialysis. She is refusing treatment and she is over on her liquid intake. She has become agressive and very confrontational.
It's not a religious issue at all, many people give up their will to live. I'm just suggesting that they speak to her Dr, to help her to make informed decisions, before making that kind of decision. We don't live forever, and people do have the right to discontinue dialysis if they so choose.
Thank you GardenArtist, I had a very fond Auntie go through this exact scenario. It is a very difficult situation, and extremely hard for the family to accept. We never know exactly what the affected person is going through, therefore, getting the guidance from the Nephrology team is the best bet in understanding when and if it is the right time to live and let go, and to accept our loved ones decisions to make these very difficult choices about their own health care and treatment.
I've been through many difficult end of life discussions with all 4 of our parents, each unique and all were heartbreaking, as we are Never prepared to lose a parent, but we need to have their healthcare team behind us to make the best possible informed decisions, so I stand by my answer.
I am a religious person, having been raised in the Roman Catholic Church, but realize that we need to respect the patient and their right should they choose to stop treatment, and be allowed to die with dignity and respect, and I believe that my God, would also respects the patients decisions too, there is nothing Horrific about dying peacefully, after all we are all going to die one day, however Religion should not be part of this particular discussion.
Deciding to end dialysis is the patients right, and from all of my understanding it is not a uncomfortable way to go. Generally the patient becomes very tired, sleeps a lot, they can become confused and retain fluids, but have little pain, and there are treatments for those side effects through Hospice or hospitalization. I highly suggest that the OP do their research on this, but still, it is a very painful and emotionally charged conversation that needs to be thoroughly thought out and discussed. I am so sorry you are having to go through this very difficult time. Take Care.
Stacey, as always, I appreciate your compassionate insight and approach. You've summarized the situation succinctly, and with the perspective of someone who's cared for another person to and through end stage of life.
And you're right; it's NOT a religious issue. It's a decision for the individual, and family depending on those dynamics. If a person is religious he or she can factor that in, but it's NOT a religious issue per se.
SDO, you could learn a lot from Stacey; she's intelligent, compassionate, proactive, thoughtful, considerate, and much more.
Has she made any statements about being fed up with dialysis? That can happen; the person just gets tired of it all and decides to take matters into his/her own hands. That was how a friend of my father's decided he was going to end his life; he was fed up with 3x weekly dialysis sessions, getting old and just didn't want to go through that any more.
Have you had any heart to heart talks with your mother about this? How long has she been on dialysis?
It's not uncommon for people who have been on dialysis for years and who may be suffering from other medical issues as well, to wish to discontinue their treatment. They might feel like dialysis is no longer maintaining or prolonging their life to a satisfactory level, and they just want it all to stop, they are tired, they may feel like a burden to others, and have had enough and are ready to give up on living, and they do have that right to stop if that is truly what they want.
Talk with your Mom, make sure she understands that if dialysis is stopped, then she will die soon, probably within a few weeks, and if she truly means that, then she will need to speak with her Nephrologist, and probably a Psychologist, so that she clearly understands the ramifications of her decision, and that she (and you) will have their medical and emotional support through her end of days.
There is Very good information on the NATIONAL KIDNEY FOUNDATION website, about the best way to handle these sorts of discussions, and the guidelines to follow. If she decides to follow through with her decision to discontinue dialysis, there are ways to help her through this with Hospice care, comfortably in her own home, or inpatient, if she prefers.
It's a very tough situation to be in, but not uncommon for people who have been on dialysis for a long time, and very difficult for their family members to understand as well. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this right now, in what is already a very stressful situation in caring for her, but being well informed is your best choice about the matter. Take Care.
I know nothing about dialysis, but it sounds like this a 911 situation. Is this aggression new behavior? Bumping up this post for more visibility for people who may be familiar with ramifications of refusing treatment.
I myself would not even begin dialysis; I don't believe that's a form of suicide, but only not to be supported indefinately in a body that wants to shut down. For me, 3x a week in a hospital hooked up to machines is a nightmare scenario and I would not do it. All a matter of perspective, not faith. I also agree that hospice would be the next call if your mom is ready to be done with dialysis; may very well be a relief to her - and you.
Penny, hopefully you've already gotten some assistance with this but if not one thought I'm having is to call the dialysis center your mom attends and ask to speak to one of the nurses there about this situation. Or call your mom's doctor's office (ask to speak to the nurse if doctor isn't available). 911 might also be your next choice.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I've been through many difficult end of life discussions with all 4 of our parents, each unique and all were heartbreaking, as we are Never prepared to lose a parent, but we need to have their healthcare team behind us to make the best possible informed decisions, so I stand by my answer.
I am a religious person, having been raised in the Roman Catholic Church, but realize that we need to respect the patient and their right should they choose to stop treatment, and be allowed to die with dignity and respect, and I believe that my God, would also respects the patients decisions too, there is nothing Horrific about dying peacefully, after all we are all going to die one day, however Religion should not be part of this particular discussion.
Deciding to end dialysis is the patients right, and from all of my understanding it is not a uncomfortable way to go. Generally the patient becomes very tired, sleeps a lot, they can become confused and retain fluids, but have little pain, and there are treatments for those side effects through Hospice or hospitalization. I highly suggest that the OP do their research on this, but still, it is a very painful and emotionally charged conversation that needs to be thoroughly thought out and discussed. I am so sorry you are having to go through this very difficult time. Take Care.
And you're right; it's NOT a religious issue. It's a decision for the individual, and family depending on those dynamics. If a person is religious he or she can factor that in, but it's NOT a religious issue per se.
SDO, you could learn a lot from Stacey; she's intelligent, compassionate, proactive, thoughtful, considerate, and much more.
Have you had any heart to heart talks with your mother about this? How long has she been on dialysis?
Talk with your Mom, make sure she understands that if dialysis is stopped, then she will die soon, probably within a few weeks, and if she truly means that, then she will need to speak with her Nephrologist, and probably a Psychologist, so that she clearly understands the ramifications of her decision, and that she (and you) will have their medical and emotional support through her end of days.
There is Very good information on the NATIONAL KIDNEY FOUNDATION website, about the best way to handle these sorts of discussions, and the guidelines to follow. If she decides to follow through with her decision to discontinue dialysis, there are ways to help her through this with Hospice care, comfortably in her own home, or inpatient, if she prefers.
It's a very tough situation to be in, but not uncommon for people who have been on dialysis for a long time, and very difficult for their family members to understand as well. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this right now, in what is already a very stressful situation in caring for her, but being well informed is your best choice about the matter. Take Care.
So sorry you're both going through this.