What do you say to your parent when you want to install Nest cameras?

I am concerned that her privacy will be threatened. It would be better to call her every day or have family and friends take turns calling to check on her. You will have better luck with the cameras if they are installed only in common areas: kitchen, living room, dining room... and none in bathrooms or bedrooms. She might agree if you are installing them to keep an eye on her place for safety from intruders, but do you wand to worry her with that?

Well I read several of the comments. And I just went to give my mom a big hug and talk with her a few minutes. Remembering that you care is so important. And I have considered cameras, not necessarily Nest cameras but just regular home protection cameras in case of suspicious activity around the neighborhood. I never really thought about using a camera to "spy" on my loved one, though I can also see the point of worrying about safety. The problem I can see from all this is not only the loved one feels violated if they know and understand what the cameras are for, but that Will You Really spend your time looking in on that camera or those cameras constantly? Would it not be better if a person is there than all that? I mean a camera is just one point, one angle (unless you can kind of move it around, I don't know how complex they are) and it did cross my mind that those systems can get hacked, usually by nuisance kids with nothing better to do...so I said my piece. Now you can all cyber argue all you want over it. (Mic drop)

rodadelima: I honestly wish this technology was readily available when my mother was alive. Imho, you should inform your mother of the planned installation.

Tell her its a security system to protect her from intruders.
It's her choice technically, if she refuses, then legally you need to honor her preferences.
Are you trying to covertly install cameras?
It's best to talk to your mother about the idea of installing motion detectors or cameras in open areas. If she is willing to have cameras in her residence then ask where she would prefer to have them installed. BUT if she doesn't want cameras in her residence, please respect her boundaries.
If it's all about your anxiety, then start looking into caregiver options for her.

I installed one in my mom's apartment last year (when she still lived alone). It was the only way that I could make sure that she was taking her medicine.

I think she felt better, because she would wave to it, thinking that I was always watching her.

It was how I discovered that she was sundowning, and couldn't be by herself anymore.

You have to do whatever you can to ensure your loved one's safety.

You don't tell them. You do it. They may not be able to understand the significance of this measure to alert you to emergency needs. Caring for a loved one often means doing what is in their best interest even though they either do not know it or 'fight' due to a fear of losing independence.

My mother put them in herself, she wanted to make sure the caregivers were not stealing.

You could say it’s for something like that, even set it up so she can monitor too

Use the same Psychology they used on us as kids :)

I would tell your Mom that the camera's would make YOU feel better and see how she reacts to that. My Mom lives with me and wears a Philip's Lifeline pendant which has fall detection (and it works).

I recently installed a Nooie 360 cam which works on my smartphone as well as Alexa and I love it! I can see my Mom when I go out and even talk to through the intercom.

I didn't tell my Mom because she has dementia and she wouldn't understand. I installed it in her bedroom right in front of her and she didn't ask me anything.

Why did I get a camera? To make me feel better and give me peace of mind when I have to go out to buy groceries or pick up her meds.

Good luck!
Jenna

It’s not time. If she’s still with it & mobile then she’s just elderly. Have her move in with you instead or put security cameras outside. Give her a cell phone or notification necklace if there’s any problems. It’s important to be treated with dignity. Call frequently to check in on her.

I don’t really have a suggestion here, but after reading some of the replies I wanted to give you my reason for saying having cameras is a good idea.

My mother stayed with me for several weeks after heart surgery, she was 92. She had a cell phone she kept in her pocket all the time. One day when I was at work I called to check on her, no reply, I called several more times with no reply.

I have a Canary camera located in the living room so I checked it's live feed. Mom was sitting in her favorite chair watching TV and petting the cat. I called her again while watching her and she didn’t even blink!

When I got home I checked her phone and found that she had her phone in her pocket and had turned off the ringer when she put it in her pocket.

So having a camera saved me a panicked run home and an hour of anxiety.

Installing cameras can be explained away as a safety feature (you're living alone mom, we just want to be sure no one tries to get in, however that could trigger some paranoia.) It should NOT contribute to any "decline." Would it be possible to install them while she's out with one of you? It's always nice to get buy in, however based on your description in the profile, it does sound like your mother is in the early stages of dementia:

"She sleeps a lot, often doesn’t bathe or change her clothes, forgets if she’s eaten, has trouble using the stairs."

NOTE: If you do install them and notice decline, understand that is the nature of dementia (and being that old too!) Decline will happen, cameras or not, but the advantage of cameras is you can monitor her and notice declines sooner than you might if you don't have them.

Other excuses could be used - be creative! Mouse or insect monitor/control, air freshener, whatever you can make it out to be, so it isn't "threatening" in any way.
YB installed the cameras before we hired aides in attempt to keep her in her own place, but that didn't pan out (she thwarted it.) I don't know what discussion he might have had with her, but if they are placed more or less out of sight, they generally don't notice them. Focus on the areas she might be more often, such as the kitchen,

If she takes medication, I highly recommend a time/locked dispenser if you don't already use one. If the camera can monitor the area that is in, all the better. One of the reason the aides were hired was to check to see she took them. They can't give them to her, but they can point out she missed them.

If she's forgetting to eat (sister who delivers groceries might be able to tell, if items are being eaten), it might be wise to monitor her weight, maybe sis can check once/week - check her own and ask mom to confirm it's working by getting on the scale.

Being 95 doesn't mean she's not capable, but again, your description sounds very much like my mother was like. The resistance to help or moving was VERY pronounced. Sure, many elders might be like that, but in her case she had PLANS to move to AL when she felt it was needed. Once dementia took over, forget that! Mom also took to wearing the same old tired outfits multiple times, up to SIX days in a row, sometimes with food stains on them. She had enough clothing to open her own store!!! An outfit for every day of the week and then some, yet she wore these old things. I'm not concerned about re-wearing clothing, but she always was, so to see her in the same things over and over, with stains, clearly there was an issue! It wasn't until we took the car and I had to facilitate groceries and supplies that I discovered she was no longer cooking anything. Stairs are a recipe for disaster. Sleeping mid-day was denied, but was observed while the aides were still active!

NOTE: POAs don't give us the "power" to "force" someone to move. That was what the EC atty told me when mom refused to consider moving and he suggested guardianship. I don't think she was far enough into dementia to qualify for that, BUT the facility chosen would not take a committal, so we had to come up with a "plan" ourselves. It involved a fib (fake letter YB drafted) and was used in conjunction with the cellulitis she developed after a shin injury, which she never mentioned to us or sought treatment for. THAT delayed the move a few days. She was VERY angry about the letter telling her she has to move to a place we choose or they will choose one (there was no real threat!) But, she went with the bros. The staff merely said "get her here, we'll take it from there." They did order anti-anxiety meds. No clue if they ever used it or how much/long. I stayed out of the actual move and stayed away about 2 weeks, to allow some "settling in."

We installed a camera in my dad's living room only when he lived in IL. We of course explained it to him about why. Monitor for falls (he would not wear a fall alert) and to see him up in the morning. He was fine with it. I would not ever install in a bedroom for privacy.

Why on earth would anyone tell someone who is being watched you are putting in cameras? That is the worst and most stupid thing you could do. She'll rip them out or destroy them. Have them put in the home secretly where they are NOT visible. Find a way to get her out of the house while this is being done. I'd never stand for it and neither will she so nothing will get accomplished.

Please read this article:
https://www.ccn.com/how-stupid-does-google-think-we-are-nest-privacy-fiasco-is-flat-out-insulting/
I would not do this to my mother and I certainly would not want my sons to install cameras in my home. There are telephones. If a party can no longer use a phone then in-person care should be considered.

Talk to your mother. If she is willing to be monitored by tv cameras, find out where she would be willing to have them. If she does not want them, respect her wishes.

Frankly, I find it a little disturbing that you are planning to do something in your mother's home without consulting with her first. Please consider your motivations. Are you looking for something to soothe your anxieties? All of us have heightened anxieties these days. You seem to believe that you are acting against what she would want. Is the risk so great that it is worth trying to deceive her? We all live with the risk of accidents: a slip in the shower, mishaps in the kitchen, etc. That doesn't mean we would want cameras on our shower or in our kitchens so that another person could monitor our actions to see if an accident has occurred.

If your mother is strong-willed, you will get the most cooperation from her if you are honest and straightforward in your wishes to act in her behalf. It is very important that she feels that SHE is in control and that you are simply trying to help her. I know that with my own 96 year old mother the worst possible approach is to walk in with something that I or my sisters think she needs. That is an absolute guarantee that she will not even consider what she might have agreed to if we had merely suggested the idea first and got her input.

I told my mom that there had been some problems in the area and that I wanted to see what the caregivers were doing. At the time I put them up she said that's a good idea. I don't think she really knew what was going on, she had Alzheimer's. After I put them up she never said one word about them. I liked that I could turn off the light on the camera so that looking at it you couldn't tell if it was on or not. Also I think that light drew your attention to the camera, so that was another reason to turn the light off.

We explained to my parents that in preparation for them needing hired help in the the future, which will most likely happen due to an emergency, we wanted to buy cameras now so they are in place when we need to hire caregivers to protect against possible theft. We put cameras inside their family room, living room, hallway and basement, all seemingly pointing to all the entrances to the house. We used Foscam cameras which plug into an outlet and are simply set on top of shelves or tables, although they could be mounted which I think would be more uncomfortable for my parents. I can access the cameras through my smart phone remotely and while my parents think they are all pointing to the doors, from my phone I can change the angle of the lens of the cameras and see them in most rooms of the downstairs and the basement. We can add cameras upstairs in the bedroom and bathroom areas as they progress if needed. Managing my parent's care from long distance, the cameras enable me to see them walk so I can understand how their Parkinson's symptoms are progressing, if they are shaking more when they eat, and I can keep an eye on my mom (whose dementia is more advanced) when my Dad goes to PT. I never let them know that I check in on them on occasion with the cameras, as I don't want them to feel uncomfortable or to bring on paranoia. My daughter (who lost her job due to Covid) has been staying with them for several months now and says they don't bring up the cameras and seem to think the cameras are merely for intruders.

I have installed cameras at my mom's apt. Mom has Alzheimer's . I asked if it would be ok and she sais she trusted me. Her sister had a camera in her apt for years , just because she was liing alone and her son, a computer expert was able to set something up with a web cam way before nest and such things. So mom was not new to the idea.
As for privacy, as I told a nurse who came in to see her and was worried about the cameras, I am the only person that has access to the cameras, if it was not for COVID, I would have been there personally while she was there and by my mom's side, and , final argument, I won't see anything that I would not see if she was living with me.
I believe that the "why" they are there, and the "how" you use them is a big part of the right or wrong . It is a cost/benefit decision :privacy vs safety and ,quality of life I will add. I sometimes use them to help her find things ( not too small things), or when I notice a lamp is not working or that she has messed up the tv settings and it is not working anymore, I can call the residence and have someone go in and fix it. I also check before calling if she is not in the bathroom ( where I can only see her feet...), so she doesn't come running to the phone with her pants down her ankles or don't wake her up if she is napping. Just like I would peek in her room to see if she was asleep if she was at home with me.
I hesitated for a long time to put them in, and now I would not imagine not having them. With all the thing that I was able to do for her because of what I saw, it is worth the downsides...You will have to learn how to operate the cameras, but you will have to learn how you operate yourself to deal with being able to "keep an eye" all the time, and also deal with "seeing" your parent alone. "Knowing" that they are all alone is one thing, "seeing" them all alone is another. Images are powerful. But I also get to see happy moments that I would not otherwise. You take the good with the bad. As with everything, I believe that there is no universal right or wrong, you have to do what works for you and your loved one, plus it is something that is not all or nothing. You can ajust the equipment and the use your your specifics needs and situation and change them as the situations changes.
These are my virtual guardian angel two cents.

ps, tech advice, if you install something, get something that doesn't require you to be on site to fix any little glitches... some systems are better than other I believe regarding that aspect

With my mom we started with a camera over her medicine table which is next to her bed/couch/main table, the area she spends most of her time. The camera can’t see her but can see the tops of her tables and part of the floor, we can usually tell when she is sitting up and can look back to see if she lay down or got up. We started with that so we could track her medications when she went on heart meds that have to be taken at certain times, that way we could check in and if she hadn’t taken them call her. As she made more mistakes on “her own” with the timing and talking them we added the Echo so we could drop in and talk face to face and a dispenser so she couldn’t make a mistake and take morning pills at night or night in the morning. She’s also diabetic so making sure she takes her BS and shot... Our oversight has increased as needed but we eased into it and she has welcomed it for the most part. But the privacy thing was a source of concern for all of us, we didn’t want to invade or see anything we didn’t need to and she of course likes her independent privacy so we showed her exactly what we could see with the camera mounted over the top of the medicine table and tried to teach her that all we could see on the Echo Show was the little picture in the corner of her that she could see too. The Show also has a fuzzy screen for several seconds before it comes into focus and gives the person receiving the drop in the time to reject the visit or blank out the screen which of course defeats the purpose for us but is useful for others. Mom really likes the Echo and has mostly forgotten about the over head camera which she never retained understanding of anyway, though early on she would cover it every now and then when she was getting dressed or pissed at us for getting on her to eat and drink water or whatever. Mostly we have involved her in setting up routines, etc that allow us to check in without bothering her and she knows these devices and our oversight is what’s keeping her in her home so she doesn’t complain and she’s gotten used to them. She often thinks I am in the room when we talk on the Echo which we think is a really positive thing especially now with COVID. We have a dot, voice no visual in the room as well as back up and in the bathroom in case of fall or something and another Show in the kitchen, a camera that watches over the garage/parking area as well as a ring doorbell so we are able to see what’s going on and she likes that because she doesn’t have to deal with it. I think we did the parking area and med table camera at the same time and then moved into the others one or two at a time as we felt the need and that likely helped too, didn’t seem like everything was watching her all at once.

The big thing here though is they are necessary if she is going to stay independent at all and she understands that. It’s a fine and important balance between what is necessary to keep her safe and healthy and maintaining her privacy and independence, in order to accomplish that balance we need to keep her as involved as we can while making sure we have what we need to cover what we need to. So far it’s working but the time is bound to come...

Good luck, it can be done with their cooperation.

When my step- dad passed in June, my mom was left by herself. I explained that I thought it would be a good idea to install security cameras to catch any intruders or to make sure I could look in should she fall or have an emergency. I also remarked that this was the most economical solution and would keep her from needing to go into assisted living.

I chose an all Google nest approach. In addition to the cameras, she has 2 google max hubs where I've programmed a slide show of family photos. She's even learned how to trigger a video call with me.

Before considering any of this, you'll need to confirm that they have an internet provider that offers an unlimited data plan. Many providers begin charging extra once your internet traffic reaches a certain level.

My mom has a great provider. We've set-up her service with 300mb wifi speed. I also swapped out her internet modem and router. The one the service provided was adequate but moving to a 3 unit google wifi router allowed us to maintain a strong signal in all parts of her home.

So..
1. Before you consider this type of solution contact their internet provider, explain what you're thinking of doing and ask for their recommendation of level of service.

2. Have a conversation with your loved one. First, listen to their concerns about the setup. Assure them this is a security and safety measure. Walk them through what your thinking of doing. Get their feedback and work together on placement, options, etc.

3. The bottom line is this needs to be a group effort. If they strongly object, don't force it. Now they are informed about options that exist and could easily request this down the road.

I hope this help!!!! ❤️

Best thing I ever did! We explained to mom it was for 'our' peace of mind. We muted sound - both ways - and had it set to see her living area - a portion of her bedroom and a bathroom - she was in independent living facility apartment. It was mounted high and I think at times she forgot it was even there - which was apparent by her lack of clothing at times.

Thank God we had this. She had a terrible fall out of bed with a severe head injury. Crawled her way to the phone to call me. Used her call button to alert on-site staff who called 911. She ended up in her local trauma center with over 120 stitches and three plastic surgeons to close her up. I had an expensive $40 camera I got on Amazon. Since the video was saved to the cloud I was able to go back and see the entire event where she was apparently asleep and just rolled right off the bed. It was quite disturbing but glad I had the footage. Her head took the entire brunt of her 100 lb body. Besides the healing of her head which you can't even detect now, she was treated for whiplash which was the worst of the pain.

Since then, after subsequent questionable situations, we moved to her residential assisted living, again telling her it was for her safety. She's doing great and we feel so much better. Good luck!!!

Her privacy will be threatened.

Is it really necessary and does your mom really need a camera on her at all times?

You might just have her start off by wearing a 1st Alert necklace or watch in case she falls or some other emergency.

Then when the time comes when she is more helpless, just tell her for her safety you would like to install a Nest Camera in part of the home like the Den and Kitchen area. Let her know there won't be one in her bathroom or bedroom where she would still have her privacy changing clothes, going to the bathroom and showering.

I've heard of Nest cameras, but I'm not familiar with their capabilities. Do they have a 2-way camera where mom could also see you and talk with you? Maybe mom would be more accepting of a camera if it provided her some contact with you/family.

I was going to get an Amazon Echo Show for my parents' house because it allows you to "drop in" on people, and you can both see and hear each other. I see Amazon is also starting a new Care Hub feature that allows you to keep track of loved ones.

I didn't get an Echo Show because I had already spent money on other cameras for my parents' house. I actually didn't ask them if I could put the cameras up -- I just did it.

I started by putting one camera in full view in the main living area. I worried that they would yell about it, or unplug it, since they are stubborn, private, "independent" people, but they didn't. Dad asked what it was a couple of times, and I told him that it's a camera. He said, "It is not." I didn't argue with him. I have since put up several more cameras in plain view in all the "fall zones."

Invasion of privacy? Yep. But, in my opinion, if they want to stay living in their home, that's the price they have to pay. We can certainly take the cameras out, and at that point, I will stop assisting them. The cameras are one of the tools that I require in order to assist them.

Once I stop assisting them, they will end up going to a place with less privacy where there's a good chance that they also use cameras! Mom and dad have both already been in the hospital and rehabs that have used cameras.

I use the cameras respectfully. I look in on them quickly to make sure that they aren't on the floor. I don't spend all day with my eyes glued to the screen. And, I certainly don't want to see any "private moments."

Life Alert necklaces and braceletts won't work for them because they will refuse or forget to wear them. Or, they wouldn't remember how to use them.

I also use the cameras to make sure their caregiver has shown up, since we've had several "no-shows."

So at this point, the cameras are working for us. Luckily, mom and dad didn't fight it. Now, I don't think they even notice the cameras.

There are downsides to the cameras -- or at least my setup. If the wireless connection drops, which it does a few times per month, the cameras turn off. At that point, I have to go to their house and hit the button to reset the router.

Plus, I have to have several cameras placed throughout the house and positioned just right in order to see the needed areas. Sometimes a caregiver will shift a camera inadvertantly when cleaning, or put something in front of the lens.

Other cons include taking time to choose and set up cameras that are going to work for you. My cameras were fairly easy to set up, and they have good video, even in the dark. But, the sound feature is useless. The motion alert really hasn't been helpful because it seems to go between being too sensitive and not sensitive enough.

And of course, the cameras don't prevent falls, but they hopefully help you to get to a loved quickly if/when something does happen.

I’d say to explain the purpose of a camera, and ask her where would be a good place to put it. She will probably say not the bathroom or toilet, understandably, but you might have a good conversation about the camera as well as dangerous places around her house. Involving her would make it less of an imposition.

Just be honest - for your safety. Explain if she didn't answer the phone because something was wrong, you'd be able to see inside her house to figure out what's wrong.

I would ask her about the camera and explain why you want to install it. Does she have a Medical Alert device that detects falls? That would be a good start if she does not have one .I was thinking of installing a nanny camera in the main room of the house, my mother is never alone but I would feel better knowing she is safe. Came home a few times with other caregiver my niece giving her a drink almost in the flat position she needs to be in a total upright position at 90degress due to aspiration precautions. I discussed this and all are on board with it. Good luck.

Limiting what the camera will see can mitigate the invasion of privacy. You don't need eyes on her 24/7 if the object is to ensure she isn't ill or had an accident, with one camera in the kitchen you can see if she is up and about at least 3 times a day. Imagine how you would feel if she was the one watching you.

Explain them fully. If she does not want them you cannot do this. It is for her safety, yes, but it is a definite and complete invasion of her privacy. You must not do this without her permission.