What if your father’s income is over the limit for the VA’s financial resources due to his spouse's income? Can he still get financial help?

Have you or your mother talked to a certified Elder Law attorney with expertise in both Medicaid and Veterans benefits?

It is really best to get expert advice, especially because applying for benefits as a couple can be complicated and there are ways of diving assets that are not obvious to us laypeople.

You need to contact your County VA dept. If your Dad has service related problems, he should be able to get something.

Aid and Attendance is not the only program the VA has.
Contact your local Veterans Assistance Commission and they can help determine what if any benefits he would qualify for. The Veterans Assistance Commission does not charge for the service they do. The other resources you can check would be your State Department of Veteran's Affairs, if there is a VA close to you you can go or call and ask to talk to a Social Worker. If there is a CBOC (Community Based Outpatient Clinic) they would also have a Social Worker that you could talk to.
In the past few years the VA has also started PAYING SPOUSES to care for the Veteran. This was not always the case so it is possible that mom could get money that would help but it would be for caregiving.
He may also qualify for Adult Day Program, several hours a month of Caregiving or Home Health Aide. There are other programs that might help as well.

I would see an elder law attorney for an hour. It may be the best money you spend. There may be a way for legal separation and separation of finances that can get your father a whole lot more care.
Otherwise, with the spouse having a high income this will come down to hiring care, and losing much of that income thereby.

Almost certainly, in your Dad's case, placement will eventually be needed, and this may be a necessity to protect finances in any case. Sadly this is done more and more without family even being informed that a "financial divorce" is in place.
At least with an attorney visit you will find out about best options for your family.

I will be brutally honest here...

I have been trying for over TWO YEARS to get help from both the Cal Vet system in California and the Dept. of Veterans Affairs, with nothing but excuses, delays and stalling.
My Ex is a Vietnam COMBAT VETERAN, who was forced into the US Army into COMBAT (and spent his duty on ambush patrol) in and near the DMZ in Vietnam in 1969 by the DRAFT, or go to jail. I have talked to VA Social Workers, who claim he "must have a VA Pension in order to get into a VA living facility." I have been told so many excuses and lies, I'm going to have to hire a lawyer at this point. The U.S. Govt. OWES HIM for being forced to risk his life in jungle warfare, or go to jail in California.

DO NOT believe you can get ANYTHING from the VA. They are a national disgrace. Excuses about COVID are STILL being used. They sent automated form letters to continue their laundry list of excuses. They require an assortment of ridiculous forms to submit for anything, DELIBERATELY making it next to impossible to get any help from the VA unless you have a Masters Degree in Govt. forms! The remaining survivors of Vietnam COMBAT SERVICE are treated like GARBAGE. The VA has hired outside consultants to help them stall awarding anything to any deserving veteran, such as the ridiculous "OptumServe" people, with communications manned by outsourced high school kids.

I was raised in the military, so this is extremely frustrating and disturbing. I got smart in 2023, and got my Ex on MEDICARE he has paid into for 10 years and never used. Civilian medical providers have done an amazing job with his health issues, and are dedicated professionals. I have printed out medical records and tests, made 60 page FULL medical info (set by USPS Certified Mail) that was TABBED by each Doctor! I get another form letter delay and request for records I have already sent?? I have called CalVet and transferred his 120 page application to 3 different state VA homes! The stress is unbearable.

I won't even go into the atrocious and inconvenient VA medical care! The "Geriatric team" in the large, metropolitan San Francisco Bay Area are absolutely terrible. He cant get a referral to a neurologist, since "they don't have them here." I have taken pages of notes, have met with (alleged) Veteran Service Officers (VSOs), all who have the same excuses. There is no loyalty to these veterans who are now old and need help. They claim all these "programs" to prevent homelessness, which are all lies.

Their fancy websites are all false claims of dedication, the Wait Lists for facilities run FIVE YEARS, and their contact people are the most rude and insulting people I have ever dealt with working in a public sector. Save your time and money and forget about the VA. If my Dad was still alive, he would be horrified.
I have to write my Congressman to tell him the truth of the over 2 year delay, as well as hire a lawyer, to get my Ex a place to live his final years safely, since he has no family.

Chennessy13: Perhaps you can speak to an attorney.

My father was in WW2 and I managed to get him Aid & Attendance through an attorney. It wasn't cheap(the attorney), but it was worth it. Sadly everything the US government does it so complicated that people don't get what they are entitled to because they just can't figure out the process. My father would have never been able to do this on his own. It was a lot of running around on my part. I had to meet with someone from the VA who needed to interview my father. I also had to be the fiduciary for these funds and was required to do some close out report when he passed. My feeling is that if someone served during wartime they should automatically be entitled to a small pension without having to jump through hoops of fire to get it.

Try going to the closest VA hospital. I know 2 men who fought in Viet Nam. They both use the VA hospital as their supplemental insurance. Both wives worked, one making good money and probably gets a pension. So her income does not effect him being able to go to the VA hospital.

My husband is getting 9 1/2 hours of caregiver services from the VA which is available to all veterans. My cousins husband get 13 hrs which includes transportation to dialysis. I think you have to be specific about what services the veteran needs. Medicine is also available to ALL veterans even if the illness isn't service related. I have not applies for any things else because we are grateful for what he is getting. The new law signed by Biden may include Vietnam Vets but at this time we are greatly satisfied.

God bless the VA bc it has made many grave mistakes but has also come a very long way since the 1960’s. That said, all government programs are extremely complex and complicated. In my experience the VA disability attorneys in Florida are the best ( being a Floridian is not required for their services). The good ones only charge if you win, and if the claim is several decades old and grandfathered in you could be looking at a very large sum of money/benefit. The VSO reps can also be very helpful and are veterans themselves, but if you come at them with a negative mindset and attitude and make them uncomfortable they will likely not be predisposed towards giving YOU their limited time. Obtaining VA benefits long after discharge from the service will take time, patience, effort and quite honestly prayer to successfully navigate all the hurdles needed to obtain the benefits your veteran earned. You may be on pins and needles for many months during the process but it’s important to believe in yourself, bear wrongs willingly, persevere and educate yourself on medical and government regulations and details. Be humble and be practical. The legal aides that work with you on behalf of the attorney’s need your stable involvement and your ability to think outside the box, anticipate the questions the other side is going to ask and keep offering proof of medical qualifications even when the documents and doctor determinations are faulty or seem to be opposed. There are almost always appeals, exceptions and other remedies available during each point within the context of the particular place in the process, but you have be very diligent and steadfast. You also must be willing to share the payout with those professionals who help you legally. Elected officials are probably not worth the time and effort, bc so much these days is based on WIIFM ( what’s in it for me), so good luck with that. You need to put on body armor and camouflage but walk softly and peacefully. Even then expect that others won’t go out of their way for you. You have to make it happen. But if you cannot, you also must accept it and find the next best alternative. I wish you the best of luck and want to encourage anyone reading this that in many cases you can make it possible for them to get VA care.

I worked in a New York Memory Care community for several years until 12/23 and currently work for a Texas Hospice Company, as a Community Liaison. Also, I am a veteran so this demographic is near and dear to my heart.
That being said, Aid and Attendance doesn't take an attorney to get, but it does require a bit of patience. FIRST make sure you obtain the veterans DD214 or separation paper ( You can request this online) Also, all other paper work requested and submitted should be saved electronically in the event they request it again.
CONTACT the VSO (veteran service office) to get started. Once you apply it could take months to get approved, but if approved the benefit will be paid out retroactive.
If applying for the spouse of a veteran, make sure to have death certificate of veteran and marriage certificate as well. Good Luck.
There are programs out there and attorneys who will do it for a fee, but if you have an organized person you trust, they will be fine navigating it for you. Best wishes!

I am in SC so things may be different in other states. Definitely seek out a local Veteran's Affairs Office and speak to a VSO (as Eberthvi suggested) to discuss possible claims that may need to be filed. Also check out this website: https://www.caregiver.va.gov/

"Caregiver Support Program (CSP)
The Department of Veteran Affairs (VA) Caregiver Support Program (CSP) offers clinical services to caregivers of eligible and covered Veterans enrolled in the VA health care system. The program’s mission is to promote the health and well-being of family caregivers who care for our Nation’s Veterans, through education, resources, support, and services. There is a CSP team CSP Team Locator located at every VA facilities."

Once I finally learned my way around the VA system and local VA provider, I felt so much more empowered. It is not that they don't care, but at times they can be overwhelmed. Do not expect each person to know all that might be available to you, because they only know their job. When you meet anyone using VA services or receiving benefits compare stories and if they are receiving something you aren't, simply ask your contact at the VA hospital. A lot of the benefits through the hospital can be received simply by knowing what to ask.

In the beginning I was simply looking for respite care. It was not available at that time (at least in our state... they are funded by federal and state budgets). I learned I only had to take him in once a year to open the doors wider! We have good insurance and did not want to give up our personal providers.... a myth busted! While there I saw a sign for a walk-in hearing exam... this led to free hearing aids and eventually 20% service connection! The claim for the 20% was all handled by a local VSO... she told us the paperwork to bring in and she filed the claim for us... no guarantee each office will be that proficient.

A friend who was 100% was receiving incontinent supplies, but was receiving an off brand. I asked our PCP if we were eligible and gave her the name of the brand I preferred... she did not know but said she would check and in a week or so they arrived. (I told my friend and they asked and began receiving the upgrade). Later I learned our friend was getting Ensure products and the same thing happened. The point... network with other caregivers, use the caregiver support available then ask for specific things... while we haven't received actual financial benefits, the value of what they now provide is invaluable and a huge savings.

Like I said, I originally began my journey hoping for respite care and since VA family caregivers have become more valued by our government and our local facility... I now get 28 hours per week to use for caregivers coming to our home to help. I also get 30 hours per year to use for respite. (I began with 14, then 16 before it became 28). There are many categories of veterans, once they identify where your father rates that will determine what benefits are available. The financial value of the caregivers is more than the financial assistance of Aid and Attendance... but should we ever need that financial assistance we can still apply.

The VA is a wonderful resource once you learn to respect their system which can take time to understand especially their outpatient departments. It has gotten easier for me. Let the VA decide if you truly are not eligible. Not asking is simply denying yourself potential benefits that may have been approved. Many benefits are available to all qualified vets even without a service connected disability.