My Mother is 95,had a stroke and is wheelchair bound and housebound.My oldest sister lives with her and doesn't pay anything to live there.My middle sister has had cancer three times and in three different places.Enough she is in remission and catches everything that comes along.She won't help at all with my Mother.But she is well enough to do everything for both of her sons.One just got remarried and the other is alone.The youngest son has a new wife and four children between them.She does everything the youngest son wants her to do but she won't make time for her mother.My oldest sister is addicted to her cellphone.She does the least that she can do to help my mother and she doesn't clean the house.If my mother ask for something she fusses at her for bothering her on the phone.The two sisters are waiting for my mother to die for money.I am the one that takes care of her finances,keeping up with her medications,taking her to dr.appts.,buying groceries for her,doing cleaning for the areas of house my mother uses.I go over to my mother's house twice a week.My sister says she doesn't get enough help.I refuse to go over there more often if she is going to sit and look at that phone and do nothing.My Mother just got out of the hospital for a fungal ear infection and she is down to 97 pounds.She is weak as a kitten and my mother has to dress herself in the morning.my sister lies to my other sister and tells her she takes care of dressing my mother in the morning and my sister believes her.The only she does is fix her coffee,fixes her cereal,gives her her medication.She does put her to bed at night and does make sure she is comfortable.My sister is rude and hateful towards me.I stopped doing anything for her like I used to.Now I have to take my Mother every week to get her ear cleaned out to try to slow down the fungus.She had the same infection in July and it went away.She had scarlet fever when she was a child and she has a hole in her ear drum.I thought putting her in the hospital would have gotten rid of it.She does take a strong anti fungal twice a day since being released from the hopsital.She told me yesterday she wants to die.She hasn't had a n appetite since about 8 years ago.She wants to be with my father in heaven.She is miserable because she can't do anything for herself except feed herslef.She does drink two boost a day for nutrients.I am at my wits end.She does have dementia.Her memory is really failing.My sisters don't want her in a nursing home because the government would get some money from sale of the house and her assets.I don't want to put in her a nursing home because of the help situation.I can't let her live with me because I have serious back problems and so does my husband.He may need back surgery soon.What do I do.
Of course all of this is dependent on who the POA is. I would make it clear that your back problems precludes you continuing at this level. As Beatty here says, "There will be no solutions as long as YOU are all the solutions". Your Mom is likely in the end stage of her life. Time for her to be comfortable and to have Hospice on board if that is possible at all. And to hire all the help she can afford in these last days. I sure wish you both well.
The person who holds the POA for mother is the person to make these decisions now. Hopefully that person is not worried about the 'assets' being used up but ONLY that mother gets the proper care at this junction in her life. At 95 years old and expressing her wish to die, she deserves the very best care her assets can buy. If some of her children do not wish to administer that care, or are unable to, that's fine. Just see to it that she GETS the proper care; that is the goal.
Best of luck
You are not living with her 24 hours a day seven days a week. I did have my mom 24/7 and I can assure you that it is no walk in the park.
My mother had Parkinson’s disease and developed dementia. She lived to be 95. Mom was fortunate enough to be able to enter a hospice care home towards the end of her life. She died peacefully.
Please think about not judging your sisters. You haven’t walked in any of their shoes. I am sure that you don’t like it if they judge you. The last thing that your mom needs is her daughters bickering around her.
Come together to find a solution for your mother to receive help. If you aren’t satisfied with their care you could take her back to your home.
It would be a great idea to tell your other sisters, especially those that are with her the most about this forum. I’m sure they need support too.
Why hasn’t your mom used her money for a facility that offers around the clock care from a professional staff? Then all of her daughters could visit and not be burdened with caregiving.
Have you thought about placing her in a facility since you don’t feel that her needs are being met by all of you at home?
Others here have placed their parents in facilities and have been very satisfied with the quality of care. I encourage you to ask them questions. They will be happy to fill you in.
Most of us on the forum would never expect our children to care for us. I will place myself in a facility before I allow my children to care for me.
My children get along well with each other but throw caregiving into the mix and it causes trouble. I won’t put them in that position.
I hope that you all will come up with a viable plan for your mother. Best wishes for your family