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Mom has dementia and can’t remember what she said 5 minutes ago. Her adult (age 58) son just moved in bc he had nowhere to live. He’s been living there for almost a year, not working. Says he has a job, then didn’t take the job bc there was a better offer. The, he doesn’t take that bc there’s a better offer and so on. Co-POA just took funds to buy him a $10,000.00 used car bc he was using hers. Mom doesn’t understand that she can’t spend more than her income. She just says dad left me with plenty of money to do what I want. I told her that would be the case if she wasn’t giving her money away. She says she isn’t. I told her large checks are written and withdrawn on her account and she says, "I don’t know anything about that because my memory is bad but your sister takes care of everything." Then said that my sister wouldn’t steal from her. I said we need to find out what’s going on. Then mom says “ we’ll she took me to a lawyer, I’m not sure why but when I had to pay him, he said go to the bank across the street and get cash so I know I took cash then.


So, I confronted my sister who won’t answer me.


I also got an alert of the mortgage not being paid. I told mom and she said my sister pays the bills and is so overworked she probably forgot, but it is 3 months late. So I paid it. I contacted my sister but she will not pick up the phone.


Between my sister and brother they are using my mom’s debit card multiple times a day, wiping her account out.


My brother uses it to take his girlfriend out and let’s her stay over in my mom’s house, but my mom doesn’t know it.


I don’t know how to stop this. Please help if you’ve been in this situation. My other issue is they tell her not to tell me things. However my mom will say “I’m not supposed to tell you this but…" This is not healthy for dementia patients. It’s horrible.

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You go see an elder lawyer and have their POAs revoked. Them taking Moms money will effect her getting Medicaid in the future. You may have to report elderly financial abuse so there is a record of the theft otherwise Medicaid will look at it as gifting. They are abusing their responsibility.
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You wrote about this back in November 2021. What have you done since that time?

If you are co-POA with your sister, then you use your mother's money for a consultation with an elder attorney, and listen to his/her advice.

Do NOT pay your mother's mortgage or ANY other bills. If this keeps up, you will end up funding her entirely AND probably end up as her 24/7/365 caregiving slave because she won't qualify for Medicaid because of a long penalty period because of all of the gifted money.
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SavingMom2014 Apr 2023
Thanks! I won’t pay it again. Just wanted to make sure she doesn’t lose her home over it bc her balance is small. Also, no I haven’t asked this before but answered someone awhile ago with what I was going through. Thought I had a handle on it but just realized the spending had picked up when the mortgage wasn’t paid so I’m posting here for advice. Appreciate your help! Definitely can’t financially keep up her and my own family tho. I’d have to work a second job!
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Sounds like elder financial abuse to me. Brother and sister are going to clean her out unless something is done. If you want to stop this you need to call APS ASAP, and you are going to have to push them to move quickly. Good luck
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Are you “dependent” or “independent” co-POAs? (both are their own nightmares).

Either way, I’d report it to the police this minute, then get a lawyer involved.

Don’t try to preserve any relationship. Your sibs don’t deserve you.
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SavingMom2014 Apr 2023
It says we are to act unanimously. But we haven’t because she has taken it upon herself to lock me out of all accounts.
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Again, you MUST see an attorney. This is fraud and elder abuse. Your POA document insures that you can pay the attorney for his services in this matter our the the elder's money. You must stop this at once.
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SavingMom2014 Apr 2023
Thank you!! I didn’t know I could use her money for it and don’t really have extra funds myself if this ends up being a drawn out legal process. Will contact one on Monday.
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This is considered elder abuse. Yes as suggested see an elder lawyer! Worth the money! Been there!
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See an attorney NOW, at once. This is elder fraud. You need to stop this now and make an action for records and to have this co-POA removed. AT ONCE before all the money is gone.

WAIT! I just read CTTN that you said this in November of 2021. Is this a JOKE?
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SavingMom2014 Apr 2023
I never asked this question before. When I first joined I was searching for posts that might have had similar situations to issues I was having and commented on some but never asked for replies myself.
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That post from Nov 2021 Saving Mom replied to, it was not her post. I made this mistake in searching an OPs name. You have to click on that particular post and see if the person was the OP or just replied.
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SavingMom2014 Apr 2023
Thanks for clarifying! Yes I replied to a lot of others for things especially relating to care bc I’m an RN. Just don’t know a lot about legal issues or banking.
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I’m confused …. Is the above a current situation that has recently happened , or 2 years ago…
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SavingMom2014 Apr 2023
It’s current!!
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