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Thank you! You are absolutely correct. It is hard because none of us want to take away their last means of independence. However, the price to pay is not worth the risk. You are right about him never willingly surrendering the keys. He will literally pass away before he lets them go. I was worried I was being too judgemental, possibly overreacting...but my son not only isn't allowed to drive with him, he is terrified to do so. Dad isn't strong enough to walk through the grocery store without using a cart as a walker. Key here is that he has to use the cart, he knows it...but will NEVER use a walker! He is a tricky one!! And yes, there is so much good advice in this thread. It helps me often, and mostly I use it as I am always second guessing myself because I am so close to the situation. I would not want to take away the keys if it wasn't truly necessary. It helps to have someone who doesn't know him provide feedback based on facts, not emotion. Thanks again!!!
My Dad is 86, 87 in Feb. and he still drives. Some days he is ok, some days it is a white knuckle situation for me. Recently he pulled out of wal-mart, had to calculate an almost horizontal crossing to Arby's. He made it across the street, but rammed the car up and over the curbing and just acted as if it was no big deal..said "well the undercarriage of the car can take it!". He will pass on 2 lane roads in the country, some days he speeds, other days he drives below the limit, and as I said before, some days are ok. He is incapable of drinking a soda and driving at the same time, and if he see's something that catches his eyes off the road, his hands turn the wheel in the direction he is looking. Veering out of lane is a regular occurrence. However, he insists on driving. I had to pick my son up at Detroit Metro today (2hour drive). He wouldn't "allow" me to drive. He insists and inserts himself into situations that put me between a rock and a hard place. He did ok on the way there, but couldn't navigate the parking garage. On the way home he took a 2 lane road, and used cruise in fairly heavy traffic. I had to redirect the entire time, when I said I would drive, he ignored me. We live in a small town, and I have been with him on a couple occasions where he has missed stop signs on back roads. BUT I am terrified to bring it all up to him. When I am with him I have to call out people slowing in front of him, monitor his speed...heaven knows what is happening when I am not with him. He is extremely stubborn and believes he can still drive across country to Texas if he chooses to do so. His Doc is about the same age as my Dad (small town), and I am even a bit hesitant to bring it up to him. Dad drinks a couple beers every night, and will drive his friends to dinner after consuming alcohol. I am always afraid that when the phone rings I will be notified of an accident. I won't let my son drive with him anymore, but when I travel on business I find out that he is taking him her or there, and I am trying to find the right way to approach all of this. (We live with him-I am his caregiver). I am thinking about asking him to do the aarp drivers course, but again, he does not see or will not admit there is an issue. If I press anything with him he becomes nasty, makes snyde comments, and reverts to behaving like a child who has been scolded. He has no diagnosis of dementia, macular degeneration, nothing that screams "no driving" but he is slowing cognitively and his strength is not the same as it was even a year ago. I don't think he processes all of the stimuli properly when he is driving. I have empowered my son to say "no thank you" if Dad offers to take him out when I am out of town for work, but I just spent the day in the car with him and it has me worried. It would kill my Dad if he ever hurt anyone in an accident he caused, and it would kill me if he hurts himself or anyone else. I don't think he will ever simply stop driving, it will be a situation where he has to be convinced. Sort of like he won't stop until something bad happens. Feedback please?
This is an old thread but the issue is always with us.
There,are tons of posts and info about how to stop the driving on this site. Start reading. Right now. Your dad needs to get off the road.
With few exceptions it's alway nuclear war about driving. Get dads doc, minister, a cop, someone he might listen too to intervene.
No luck with that? Take the keys, disable the car, do what has to be done.
It doesn't sound like your dad will ever agree to give up driving voluntarily. This is about the hardest thing we have to do with parents. My dad is very close. I'm dreading it but I'll do it. No way I'll let him kill someone on the roads.
If you're worried about your son riding with him, it's time.
You are right. And Dad is becoming less and less pleasant to be around, and I am sure when driving comes up he will get worse. I know he doesn't have a diagnosis if Dementia, but he is changing...his personality is odd, very passive aggressive...does some snarky even rude things just to get attention. Getting ready for the storm!! Thanks for your help and feedback.
There is another thread on here with some really good comments and suggestions on this site Curtis.
About 12 yrs ago my mom made a left hand turn, jumped the curb and stopped just short of running into a building. She decided then to give up driving. She never talked to anyone about it and just out of the clear blue sky one day she said that she was no longer going to drive. She surrendered her license, and got an I.D. instead.
Have you seen Driving Miss Daisy because depending on the circumstances elders want to always feel their independence. Giving up a lic. means they have to depend on someone else to take them everywhere.
But there are also transportations that they can apply for and it's free. Call and they'll come pick them up, and return them as well.
Personally I think elder's driving is a hazzard but that's my personal opinion. They can cause accidents, and mistaken the gas pedal for the brake, it's happened.
Guess the best thing is to talk to your parent and see what they think.
I'll tell you when it was time for us. my brother had bought a car for my mom and he got a notice that she had been in an accident. Found out it wasnt the only accident. Needless to say, it was LONG past time. Mom keeps saying that she is better and wants to get her license again. HAHAHAHA is all i say!!
You need to really follow your instincts. If you're here asking this, maybe thats the sign its time. Find out about public transportation in your area for the elderly and disabled. There might be a program, like here, that gives discounts or fixed rate rides. And will have to tell you. It really is a matter of taking the keys away and being strong!!
yes it is tough ! my dad would sneak and drive but turns around and comes back cuz he knows he s gonna get lost , the dr told him he couldnt drive anymore . dad had the spare key and refuse to give em to me . it took all summer to have him aruge with me i told him u take a hand full of pills pa !! its like driving drnk ! nooo way i let you drive , ill drive u anywhere u wanna go , finaly he accepts it . it takes a while and they will get over it .. good luck , im glad he finaly accepts it .
Just saw on the news a 78 yr old crashes into the front of a Michaels (excuse the spelling) bldg. A 53 yr old woman and her 4 yr old daughter air lifted to the hospital. Further information pending until investigation concluded.
My father drove until age 94. His eyesight was failing and he had several close calls.....that he told me about. He had a bad reaction to a medication and ended up in the hospital and spent 5 days in a semi coma. He had given me power of attorney so I had the legal authority to dispose of the car. I simply gave the car to a cousin.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Thank you! You are absolutely correct. It is hard because none of us want to take away their last means of independence. However, the price to pay is not worth the risk. You are right about him never willingly surrendering the keys. He will literally pass away before he lets them go. I was worried I was being too judgemental, possibly overreacting...but my son not only isn't allowed to drive with him, he is terrified to do so. Dad isn't strong enough to walk through the grocery store without using a cart as a walker. Key here is that he has to use the cart, he knows it...but will NEVER use a walker! He is a tricky one!! And yes, there is so much good advice in this thread. It helps me often, and mostly I use it as I am always second guessing myself because I am so close to the situation. I would not want to take away the keys if it wasn't truly necessary. It helps to have someone who doesn't know him provide feedback based on facts, not emotion. Thanks again!!!
This is an old thread but the issue is always with us.
There,are tons of posts and info about how to stop the driving on this site. Start reading. Right now. Your dad needs to get off the road.
With few exceptions it's alway nuclear war about driving. Get dads doc, minister, a cop, someone he might listen too to intervene.
No luck with that? Take the keys, disable the car, do what has to be done.
It doesn't sound like your dad will ever agree to give up driving voluntarily. This is about the hardest thing we have to do with parents. My dad is very close. I'm dreading it but I'll do it. No way I'll let him kill someone on the roads.
If you're worried about your son riding with him, it's time.
About 12 yrs ago my mom made a left hand turn, jumped the curb and stopped just short of running into a building. She decided then to give up driving. She never talked to anyone about it and just out of the clear blue sky one day she said that she was no longer going to drive. She surrendered her license, and got an I.D. instead.
Have you seen Driving Miss Daisy because depending on the circumstances elders want to always feel their independence. Giving up a lic. means they have to depend on someone else to take them everywhere.
But there are also transportations that they can apply for and it's free. Call and they'll come pick them up, and return them as well.
Personally I think elder's driving is a hazzard but that's my personal opinion. They can cause accidents, and mistaken the gas pedal for the brake, it's happened.
Guess the best thing is to talk to your parent and see what they think.
Hope that helps.
You need to really follow your instincts. If you're here asking this, maybe thats the sign its time. Find out about public transportation in your area for the elderly and disabled. There might be a program, like here, that gives discounts or fixed rate rides. And will have to tell you. It really is a matter of taking the keys away and being strong!!
Good Luck!! This one is a toughy!!
the dr told him he couldnt drive anymore . dad had the spare key and refuse to give em to me .
it took all summer to have him aruge with me i told him u take a hand full of pills pa !! its like driving drnk ! nooo way i let you drive , ill drive u anywhere u wanna go ,
finaly he accepts it . it takes a while and they will get over it ..
good luck , im glad he finaly accepts it .
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