This is more of a vent than an answer or a question. For years, I have supported my mom with activities she likes and helped her find activities to keep her occupied. But more and more often, she is creating more and more activities that keep me busy! To the point that I can hardly take it anymore.
My mom likes to watch movies. If she is interested in the movie, she can sit and watch a two hour movie (great!) Her favorites are dog movies. I have bought her every dog movie I can find and have a substantial collection of dog movies and other movies as well.
For years, she liked watching the squirrels and birds and feeding them. Her morning routine was to put out the bird feeder and food bowls for the squirrels. And also to toss a peanut to the squirrels that come to the sliding glass door begging for a peanut and refill their bowls when needed. But as her dementia got worse, she started forgetting to put the bird feeder and squirrel food out. Most often, I am the one that has to do this now. And many times, when a squirrel comes to the glass door begging for a peanut, it doesn't even register in her mind that he is wanting a peanut! And she doesn't bother refilling the bowls after the squirrels have emptied them. So her routines are become less and less "routine" as her dementia gets worse. But I have found myself having to adopt some of her routines, like tend to the birds and squirrels.
The one routine my mother is locked into and doesn't miss a beat at is EATING. Which is a problem in more ways than one. She has gotten to the point that she eats constantly. She will literally eat a FAMILY SIZE bag of pork skins in a day! Every time I cook a pound of sausage to have with our eggs in the morning, we will both have one piece. The pound gives us atleast 12 pieces, and yet, I ALWAYS only get one piece out of the whole pound because she will finish off every single piece often in one day like they are potato chips! NOT good for her health! I have to hide the sausage and lately, even that doesn't work.
Doing the dishes was an activity that my mom was doing, which helped me out a lot. We had a deal....I cook and you do the dishes. Now, she often doesn't want to wash the dishes. She even started just wiping them off with a paper towel and putting them in the cabinet dirty! So I have to cook and do dishes now. I don't mind doing dishes, but it's one less thing I have to keep her occupied.
One activity that she invented for herself was to RELOCATE things. Like eating, she has never let up in this activity. This is one activity I wish she would not do. It drives me nuts! I have to lock up everything that I can't afford for her to relocate. Every day, things are in a new location. And just this week, I had to start locking my room after I found my car keys in the kitchen where she had relocated them from my night stand! later that night while in bed, I felt something under my covers and it was another set of my keys! Now I keep my door locked.
Another activity she invented for herself was re-packaging! It doesn't matter how well or how convenient things are packaged, she will repackage them! Especially food! A zip lock bag or any "single" container isn't convenient enough for her. She will have bags and even open bowls laying all over the place with the same food items in them. She often has two bowls of the same item at the table in front of her.
When I buy a bag of apples, she turns it into an Easter egg hunt! Relocate, relocate relocate! She seems to be hiding them from me! While this may give her something to do, it doesn't help me at all! especially when I find food in a covey hole that has turned GREEN! Or find the apples or bananas in the FREEZER. Plundering is another activity and often includes relocating. She also packs her bags almost every day to go home, even though she is already at home. She has emptied almost every drawer in her room.
So now she is the one (Unknowingly) creating activities FOR ME.
I would give my 100+ yr old AUnt with advanced dementia a large pile of kitchen towels to fold, and veggies to cut up. I never corrected how she was doing it, as long as she was just doing it.
What is your plan as her dementia worsens and she becomes incontinent, refuses to shower, wanders out the door, etc.? At some point you won't be able to be her only solution. Read the posts under Caregiver Burnout and take the advice given to those people to heart, and sooner rather than later. Burnout is predictable and avoidable. I wish you all the best, bless you for helping your Mom so much to this point.
Btw "hide the sausage" means something quite different here.. 🤣
If this is getting too much for you, you can place Mom in a nice LTC facility. Ask her Dr. about a med who will calm her down. This all maybe caused by anxiety.
I agree with others, stop buying the junk food that you don’t want her to have. Buy single serving bags for you if you want and stash in your car trunk, closet, purse, wherever she can’t get to.
I remember when my mom did rehab at a skilled nursing facility, there were residents with dementia that forgot they had eaten. The facility didn’t serve them another meal but they were given a snack to eat. Maybe your mom is forgetting that she ate.
I hate my things being moved so her activities would definitely drive me crazy.
My youngest daughter had a thing for ‘real’ keys when she was little.
One day it hit me…
Okay, I will give you a set of your own keys. I had old keys that I gave her but you could buy keys as well. I put them on a fun key ring. No more lost keys.
Maybe go to the dollar store and buy her different sets of bowls or other items that she can organize as she wishes.
I love birds and squirrels too, but they should be the last thing on your mind right now. You don’t have to continue feeding them.
Do you have any outside help? Have you contacted Council on Aging in your area? Have you looked into hiring help from an agency or a private caregiver?
If you feel that you simply can’t keep up anymore, please look into placing mom in a facility.