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Lately my mother who I believe is at the end stages of dementia keeps asking me constantly why I hate her and why I am mad at her. I try to explain that I am not mad at her and then she calls me a liar and says I'm full of sh*t. This abuse is so hard to deal with but I understand she cannot remember anything let alone grasp anything I tell her. What can I say to her to make her believe I am not mad at her nor do I hate her? No matter what I say she believe I am lying or trying to cover something up.

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Roger, is your mother getting meds for her agitation and anxiety?
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Rogerwyatt7890 Apr 5, 2024
yes
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Yes.
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BarbBrooklyn Apr 5, 2024
Call the prescribing doctor and discuss.

If this is a sudden change in her mental state, get her tested for a UTI, which can cause behavioral disturbances in the elderly.
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Maybe she is just really sad and lonely inside, and that's how she is expressing it. Maybe just ignore or walk away when she says it, but try and give her extra love and affection when she doesn't say these things. No clue if it will help, but might be worth a try.

When I am feeling sad , just in general I want more love from my husband. And I know when he is sick he wants more love and affection
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You must remember that a demented person will mirror the attitudes of those around them, so if you are walking around all stressed out(which I know you are)and keeping a frown on your face, of course she's going to ask you why you're mad.
You might want to try smiling more around her and being more upbeat.
You have to keep telling yourself that it is the disease talking and not your mother, and quit taking things so personal.
I truly hope that you're educating yourself more about the horrific disease of dementia, as that will help you better understand what your mother with her broken brain is going through.
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There is nothing you can say to ANYONE to make them believe you.
You can only tell the truth and hope.
If there's any dementia, then you understand that someone with a brain that isn't functioning cannot understand much of anything at all.
Also in dementia, a common thing is paranoia.

I think I must have already suggested to you, Roger, that you begin to watch some Teepa Snow videos. Have you done so? It will greatly help you understand a failing mind. Just google her. You will find lots of stuff.
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She can hear & see your frustration is my guess.

Hear & understand the TONE of your voice.

See & understand your facial expressions & body language.
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Beatty Apr 5, 2024
PS What leads you to believe this is 'end-stage dementia'? I don't seem to have read any medical diagnosis (of anything at all) so far.
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I thought you knew all about dementia since you've been in the medical field for so long?? Obviously your mother is picking up on your frustration for being with her for 4 months now. What is your plan to get her placed so you can get back to your life?
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Anxietynacy Apr 6, 2024
Roger is working on things, I think he needs a break from the judging. For a few weeks. That's why he is asking, he is asking for help. The judging isn't helpful
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