My mother is 95 and in the care of hospice. There is an opening at the hospice house where I live for me to get a 2 day respite. I take full care of my mother and my son is making me feel terrible about having her go for 2 days away from home. Is he right to call me selfish and horrible after I have been caring for her for 11 years alone? Sad.
At least that would be the approach I would take with him.
Basically Hospice is for end of life to keep a person comfortable and pain free. That usually means Morphine for pain and to ease breathing. There is an admitting Nurse and a Nurse/s assigned to the client. You should feel that you can ask any question and get an answer. The Nurse shows up 2 or 3x a week. An aide is provided for bathing about 3x a week. You maybe able to get the aide for a longer time. It probably depends on how many aides and clients the agency has at the time. Depends, wipes and prescriptions are provided free of charge. (Maybe other things too) I was given a folder of what services are provided and contact numbers. The Nurse/s should be available by phone 24/7. They also do the ordering of supplies. But most of the care for "in home" is done by the family. And, the client will be taken off life sustaining medications. The client or POA has chosen to let nature take its course. That's Hospice. Also, the family gets, I think, 5 days of respite care. In this instance its done by transporting the client to a NH for 2 DAYS. Its not permanent. If I was OP, I would opt for the maximum of 5. Its very stressful wondering "when" death will happen. Will they die in front of me gasping for every breath or go in their sleep.
Here is an online booklet I found
https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.nhpco.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/Hospice_Care.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwjTy6_E1o_vAhXKc98KHZMBCXAQFjAAegQIHxAC&usg=AOvVaw3PSYkSa0PlhXWbIEmZjp3v
The OP's son isn't lifting a finger to help her care for her mother (his grandmother). AFAIK she has cared for her mother without help from her adult son for 11 years and is trying to do this while dealing with back and arm injuries. She is understandably burned out . Given his track record with his mother and grandmother, it is unlikely the son will care for his mother when the time comes.
The OP is entitled to take the two days respite while her mother is well cared for. She has more than earned it.
options, ask your son to help find someone, There are
people out there that understand THE HORROR you go thru on a daily basis!! MY GRANDMOTHER WENT INTO HOSPICE ON FRIDAY & WAS DEAD BY SUNDAY!! HOSPICE IS A LEGAL PAINLESS GOODBYE!! I PULLED MY MOM OUT OF HOSPICE AFTER I READ THE LITERATURE SHE WAS GIVEN!! I WAS HORRIFIED!!
I loved my grandma. I was very close to her. I missed her terribly when she died.
I called her everyday and saw her often.
Even after she died, I picked up the phone to dial her phone number (which I still remember to this day) before I suddenly realized that she was gone forever.
My grandmother watched my grandpa die a slow and agonizing death in the hospital.
She told me that she prayed that when it was her time that she wanted God to take her quickly.
Well, her prayers were answered. She died suddenly in 1984 at age 85. Her heart just stopped. She had a peaceful death. I hope to die in the same manner. Quickly and painlessly!
Be grateful that your grandmother didn’t suffer. She may have prayed for a quick death like my grandmother did.
Wishing you all the peace that your sweet grandmother would want you to have. She would not want you to be in anguish over her death.
Cancer .. But follow the research stats on Dementia, it is more than coincidence!!!
He needs to truly understand the dedicated work you are doing for your mom and so if possible it would be wonderful if he could use a week or two of his own holiday time to take over her care while you go away somewhere for respite. And I think that is on top of her going into a hospice home for a break right now. It is very easy to see what might benefit someone the most from your own perspective but it is quite different fulfilling those expectations yourself in the heat of the moment. Or 11 years! I think it would be a wonderful chance for him to give back to his grandmother some of the care she gave him as a child. And will not only give him a better appreciation for all that you do but prepare him for looking after you in the future so that you can plan together what will suit you both. I came to the US from the UK every year to spend 3 weeks with my mother. It was my only real holiday for many years and we did have fun as well especially in the earlier years when she did not need so much support. But it took its toll as well and gave me good insight into her needs as she got older and the difficulty in managing those needs. It’s time he steps up his game, acts like a grownup and does the same.
I know myself for I take care of my mom now 24/7. On some days my niece relieves me so I can go to my part- time
job. Its very stressful caring for a loved one. Its both mental and physically challenging. Yes we chose too however, they need us and right now especially a nursing home is not a good place to place them permanently.
So overall I dont know why he would be upset if its for only a few dats and it will help you rest up. I know you must be over 50 right and we need to take care of ourselves too. Not selfish at all! I have to stay away from my place I live with my significant other to come to my moms home. She is not in hospice. But, know all about hospice. She has been in that program then they took her off.
You are a good person to take care of her and you deserve a break. Its good for your sense of being.
God Bless you dear.
Thank you so very much for your work in hospice.
My brother died several years back in an end of life hospice facility.
The entire staff was comforting to my brother and our family.
I am truly grateful for hospice being available during our time of need.
God bless you.
After years of taking care of my Dad and all the other needs no one thought I needed help or needed a break.
Stick to your guns about getting some time off. No one knows how much you need that except you (and us).
Bless your heart 💓, take care.