As caregivers, we observe and hear all the time about our parents having worries. But what about the Caregiver's worries and fears that may or may not have come true?
For example, no one allowed inside the home, no in-home caregivers, handyman, or repairs allowed.
My own recent experience with needing help has showed me that my concerns were actually over-the-top!
The kitchen sink was so bad in my mind, that I was afraid to dig it out and really assess the problem. I imagined leaks, black mold growing, possible mice. The garbage disposal did leak, into a bucket, creating rusty water. My dH no longer able to make trustworthy repairs, and my worry preventing me from taking positive action.
The truth was more like it was really clean under there, no damage, clean wood, no pests whatsoever. We have a new sink, garbage disposal, and fawcett! It was free from the Senior Center Handiworker program. I swallowed my pride, filled out the fearsome paperwork, and here I am to remind other caregivers: Do not worry, do not fear!
Meeting these trustworthy people has changed my life!
What is worrying you today?
You might find Robert Sapolsky's "Why Zebras don't get Ulcers" to be amusing. He's a nationally known researcher and I believe a professor, with a unique way of addressing very complicated medical and psychological issues.
I am glad that the sink situation is resolved, to your satisfaction and without the potential horrors. You're not alone. I was thinking the other day that the number of potentialities about which I fret and worry have increased dramatically in the last few years, concurrent with my father's decline.
Honestly, I don't even want to go into what's worrying me today - there are just too many to name! I'm trying to be more rational and create solutions, because worrying only increases my anxiety. If I focus on the positive, and assuming that I have limited brain capacity (!), then the negative is either balanced out or decreased.
But I do understand where you've been on this issue.
Similar to getting it out of your head, and on to a positive plan of action. Just plow through the fears and go ahead kind of thing. Stop procrastinating - do it anyway.
Baby steps for the worried.
Thank you so much for your comments, and the recommendation! You are exactly right when we need to become hypervigilant due to very real needs of our loved ones. I think that I will be enjoying Robert Sapolsky' s book entitled "BEHAVE".
My neighbor led by example, got the services, and encouraged me go do the same when the water heater b u r s t e d . Guess at that moment, my choices were limited. Even then, I tried to convince myself of the many unrealistic ways we could live without hot water. LOL, that took 2 extra weeks to work through!
I believe there is a therapy that takes a person through step-by-step "What is the worst thing that can happen?" Then asks: Then what, then if that happens, then what? Then what?
Hoping that you can come by again to visit those caregivers who want to overcome their worries because you always have very good insights. And Good chocolate cake to celebrate!
Maybe I should have asked: "What worries have you overcome as caregivers?".
You too are so positive, you must be head of the steering committee!
I am finding that confessing my worry was good for my soul today.
Everyone else says there are lots of people there to help her and I don't need to helicopter so much.
Of course I worried that when she went into a nursing home she would give up and die, but she has been there for over a year now so that worry was unfounded.
Cooking on the trail is a bit harder b/c of the equipment that needs to be carried. Navigation by stars, with GPS for backup, is still on the list of things to do.
But I think what really will stop me are the sanitary facilities, or lack there of. Squatting with back braced against a tree just doesn't cut it for me. And there's still anxiety about being alone in the wilderness; there are so many lunatics these days.
Your worries are about the wild, instead of worries gone wild. It seems well considered to me. I would not want some night thing slithering up the tree if I had my back to it, doing who knows what. Then what would happen?
As far as being alone in the wilderness, cannot you bring your own lunatics to protect you?
CWillie,
Being a helicopter is over used as an accusation, imo. It may be better to be with Mom whenever you can or are able, because you would spend your time worrying if you were not there feeding Mom. You will be able to tell if your Mom is not eating well, over time.
I trust your judgment in all things caregiving.
Anyone else want to confess some worries? Did all of your worries come true?
Send, how are your worries today?
There is this large hole in my kitchen ceiling as the bathroom above it the shower leaks. The stain and hole have been years in the making. Now other holes are popping up. I know water travels making it hard to find the source.
I want to remodel my kitchen to get it out of its 30 year old design, but I am afraid the noise would scare my older cat, been saying that for years... no worry with the other cat, she would be right next to the workman curious what they are doing !!
Oh my disposal was shaking the whole sink so I so I dragged my feet... yeah I know.... I even went out and bought a new faucet as the old one was leaking and the box sat for over a month. I finally called the plumber before the cat licked all the ink off the Home Depot receipt :P Afterwards I thought why in the world did I wait this long??
I know, if you just go ahead and do it it’s not nearly as bad as you think it’ll be!
Enjoy your spiffy kitchen!!!
You see, when my Dad died a little over a year and a half now, he had no heart trouble. His brother was visiting him and they were on an outing with DH and a cousin. On the way home, he had a heart attack and died. Just like that. My DH did CPR on the side of the highway until and ambulance finally made its way to them. But he was gone.
So, heres my worry. My Moms sister is now coming to visit her, from the same town that my Dads brother also lives, and I am so terrified that the same thing might happen to her, as did my Dad. It so scares me this thought. You know, his brother visited, he died, her sister is visiting ......
So anyway that is my worry going wild and I am so praying for it to go away and I am so waiting for this visit to be over. (sigh)
Everything that happens in Life is just an *event*.
Anything beyond that, is what *we bring* to it.
I try to remember that, when I do worry.
My husband is awesome. The first thing he always says is..."What can you do, "right now" to change it?
He's also big on the thought...
"What's the worst that can happen?"
Followed by....
" Well, it is what it is."
LOL, I just love that man.
Smeshque, Don't fret, Celebrate! When the enemy tries to plant irrational thoughts in our minds, we are about to grow in our faith! We're jumping to a higher level! He knows this and does all he can to stop it.....Laugh and tell him,*Not today*! You know the verse" get behind me devil"..... HA!
Ok, I'm off the pulpit, and here's my fear....
What if Mom has a stroke that leaves her unable to do anything? She might be stuck in a body she can't make move. Can't eat, talk, smile etc...
I could probably handle her passing, but not that. I think it would kill me to look in those sad brown eyes, and know she's in there, helpless.
Yes DH, that's the worst that can happen.
And, now, I have started to worry that if I did have a crystal ball, it would be cracked.
Was not worried at all when dH and I had to leave town to pick up our loved one at the E.R. Except, the squirrel was not fed, and while we were gone for two days, there was a squirrel who robbed a local 7/11 of M&M' s peanuts! This really happened! Saw it on the news. Hoping it was NOT Ratatouille acting bad. But we are home now. Not worried.
I sincerely hope your worries do not come true.
I saw the Peanut M&M Squirrel Bandit on the news! So funny.
Count me in as a worrier. I am getting better...I think.
Nice to catch this post - thanks, Send
I’m feeling better which means soon I’ll visit with my parents. It’s summertime!!! I love this green season.
I’m more of a procrastinator than a worrier. It’s seldom as bad as we can imagine. My major blows come out of left field when I’m not looking!