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My father has dementia. I do his grocery shopping. Lately he’s been asking me to buy a bottle of wine. He’s never been an alcoholic but occasionally enjoys a glass of wine while he eats. I believe he has been having hallucinations lately so I can’t see how alcohol could be good for him, but I’m not sure if it would hurt. I will have to ask his new Dr. (his previous Dr. retired).

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I have never heard that this could be a problem. I would be shocked if it was. I would caution you always to pass things past a person's doctor if it is even a question in your mind, but I suspect this will be approved. I doubt this would increase hallucination.
The hallucinations are the main reason for concern here. Does your Dad have a type of dementia in which hallucinations are common? That is something you should make an appointment about. If a sudden onset you will want to have him checked for a UTI. And in any case this is reportable to his doc, in which case you can ask also about the glass of wine as an aside during appointment.
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I would allow him to enjoy some, but don't leave the bottle out for him to access. Pour him half a glass and see what happens. I'd be more worried about him losing his balance if the alcohol makes him tipsy or sleepy. I have seen the NH where my MIL give single-serving containers of wine cooler to their residents.
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ArtistDaughter Nov 2020
They give wine to the residents where my mom is too, but only one small glass. I would worry too if my mom wanted wine, which she absolutely never has, because she is already dizzy from medications.
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Dear "Martz06,"

My mom is 95 with Alzheimer's and when she lived at her previous ALF, I would go with her to their happy hour and they served one of those 4 oz plastic cups with wine which she drank. She was never told not to drink alcohol.

As with anything moderation is the key - I never provided her with alcohol for her to have in her apartment. However, when I would take her out for special occasions I would get us each a glass of wine and once in awhile a Margarita or alcoholic coffee drink after lunch or dinner.

I guess I just did it by gauging her abilities once consumed. Currently, she is in a memory care unit and I'm not able to go inside the facility but for the first time, I was sent a picture from the director of my mom at their happy hour last Friday. I don't think she had anything to drink but, was there for the live music.

Also, I think since your dad has hallucinations, I would probably be concerned too. My mother has never experienced hallucinations so I would proceed with asking his new doctor just to be sure and to ease your mind.
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They sell wine "by the glass now". I think they come in "4 packs", so you can take 2 with you, one for dad and one for you :)

Make a little happy hour when you visit.

I am actually thinking about doing that with my LO.. well, maybe just 1 glass split between us ..Not sure how that would effect her.
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NobodyGetsIt Nov 2020
"MAYDAY,"

That's a good suggestion and compromise!
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Dear "Martz06,"

Since I was up late last night when I posted my previous response I forgot that you can also try sparkling wine which can come in mini bottles ("MAYDAY'S" comment reminded me of that :) )

It has less alcohol and yet is still enjoyable to drink - even my husband and I will drink it occasionally.

Here is the information on it which I got from "Google"

Alcohol Content
Sparkling wines are lower in alcohol than many still wines. Prosecco and Asti have very low APV (alcohol by volume) levels at under 12.5 percent. California sparkling wine, Champagne, and Cava have a moderately low alcohol content at 12.5-13.5 percent. Some sparkling wines can have a lower APV level.
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No, it is not ok to give whine to someone with dementia.

Do you realize what dementia does to the brain? You did imply that you believe he may be having hallucinations.

What about alcohol? Do you know how it affects/impairs the brain?
It is poisonous in every aspect.

For the sake of your father, please no, don't give him more to harm his mind/brain.

We don't always NEED what we want.
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DobermanLover Nov 2020
I don't think an occasional glass of wine is going to do anymore harm than the dementia has already done, not to mention he is an adult.
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NobodyGetsIt

Yes, you are correct. On a forum, there will be many different opinions, suggestions and advice.

At the end of the day, it will be up to the OP what he/she decides.

That's exactly what I was doing. Giving my opinion to the OP. I was not responding to any of the responses.
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NobodyGetsIt Nov 2020
"haileybug,"

I know you were just giving your opinion and I was just trying to say I understood your viewpoint. I wasn't questioning you or your right to give an opinion.

I just reiterated that I felt I had been responsible in telling "Martz06" that since her dad had hallucinations, that it would be best to discuss it with his doctor since my situation was different than hers/his.
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I hope your dad enjoys his glass of wine :)
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AlvaDeer Nov 2020
Reminds me of a favorite story.
Back in the day when you had to laboriously write out Doctors orders in about 10 places, one of our Docs, long dead now, was very wordy. More so even than me. Once he wrote out an order for his ancient patient that went somewhat like this:
"Mrs. Feundling has long enjoyed a shot of Wild Turkey at 5 pm. Please supply her with same and chart it on her med sheet. If not available from either pharmacy or cafeteria, please leave the 8th floor, take the elevator to the lobby, exit and walk out the front door. Turn right and cross to the corner liquor story and procure same; charge it to the account of H. Kent Montrose who will likely already have quite the liquor tab at this very establishment".
Names changed to protect the innocent. H. Kent was the hospital administrator. Hee hee. You can bet Grace Feundling got her cocktail, or Dr.C would have known the reason why not.
We almost always were able to give a glass of wine to our elders if they were used to that, and it was OK with their doc. I wonder if that's still done?
My bro's Assisted Living Facility always had a cocktail hour twice a week. Dixie cups. Many brought their own favorite glass.
Again, as with most things, always a good idea to pass these things past the doctor.
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Do you think APS would be ok with you giving someone who has dementia, a glass of wine (alcohol)?
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FloridaDD Nov 2020
I would ask my mom's DR first.   Wine can help with digestion and enhancing appetite.
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FloridaDD

Why ask the doctor if it is ok? The doctor don't care if you harm yourself. That's more money for him.
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FloridaDD Nov 2020
I do not think that is true.  If you think so, you should change your doctor.   I know of doctor's saying lose weight, stop smoking, exercise, etc.   They want you to help yourself
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I would give him a glass of grape juice or carbonated blueberry juice instead. I wouldn't give wine to my mother.
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I don't think the occasional glass of wine will do him any harm so long as it's only one glass. Don't leave the wine jug around for him to have as much as he wants.
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At the senior living facility where my Dad had lived, wine was allowed. The wait-persons kept Dad's wine in the refrigerator and he would get a 4 oz glass with his supper. Dad had sundowners.

My Dad at one time had hallucinations, was seeing ants on the wall and in his food, turned out it was an Urinary Track Infection. Once he was placed on antibodics, the ant issue went away.
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A friend whose dad is in a memory care facility has a gin and tonic every night, provided by the facility. It's not a problem, and it keeps his accustomed routine going.
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There are actually some conditions for which wine is recommended by doctors. If dad’s doctor says he may have a glass of wine,
An uncle of mine was prescribed a glass of wine every evening for an eye condition.
Some wine is NOT DANGEROUS.
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I'm not a doctor, and you should ask your fathers physician, but I've done a little research of my own about red wine. According to a National Institutes of Health publication, Resveratrol, an ingredient found in red wine (not white wine that I know of) has been found to be "active in the prevention of cardiovascular diseases". Specifically, it "penetrates the blood brain barrier and thus protects the brain and nerve cells". As I understand it, "dementia" is not strictly a "cardiovascular" disease. But if red wine improves circulation in the brain, it stands to reason that it might be beneficial to over-all brain health. Perhaps in small quantities, at least, it might be a "therapeutic" as well as pleasurable addition to ones diet. Best to OK this with ones physician, however.
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There is a BIG difference between a "glass of wine" at dinner and half a bottle of whiskey every night.

Of course check with his Dr but I have never seen anything written or other wise that says a glass of wine will harm any adult. Drinking a bottle a night. That is different.

I highly doubt one glass or even two glasses of wine is going to impact hallucinations

Think about it.. what is your concern? Is he going to drink a glass of wine then drive the car?? Go chase the neighbor lady around her kitchen??

He has dementia he is not going to get better, go back to work, start dating someone. Let him enjoy what time he has left doing what he wants to do.

Every evening my Father in law drank a glass (sometimes two) of scotch from the time he was in his 40s until I think he was 91, then he was not able to hold the glass. It was a small thing he enjoyed at the end of the day. His children were always saying how dangerous this was, etc,etc. He NEVER drove anywhere after dinner, He was retired, he wasn't drinking half the bottle everynight. I said leave him alone let him enjoy it, that he did until his last couple of years on this earth.

If there was a problem it was that for his Birthday and Xmas I would buy him some unique (expensive) bottle of Scotch one year I bought a 60 yr old bottle. He apprecieted the thought but could never taste the difference between that and the standard stuff at the store!!! He drank them all the same.
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My mother is just about to finish year 4 in MC. ANYTHING they eat, drink or swallow other than food and beverage provided by the facility requires doctor approval. I was surprised to see she was allowed a small glass of wine (I forget now how many ounces), but the facility doesn't provide it. I didn't request this, it was just there in mom's file at the facility. I did get some help picking some out for her, as I can't even stand the smell of wine, never mind drinking it! I had no clue what to buy. I only did this a few times, preferably when I was there visiting and having a meal, so I could observe too. She sipped it. She didn't guzzle it down. She was FINE. I only did this a few times, with the small boxes of wine. Wasn't sure if she was getting it all herself or even what days as I was not there every day. She hasn't had any in quite some time.

Her dementia started before the move to MC, as much as 2 years, but was very early stages back then, and we had to wait for the place we chose to complete the rebuild and open each level in stages. She was never really a big drinker, but liked an occasional drink. The point here is that she was no longer in the "early" stages, but doc approved her having some. I think there were other residents who were allowed a glass of beer (also not provided by facility.)

I see NO harm in allowing someone with dementia to have one small glass of wine/day with a meal (see next paragraph.) Obviously we're not suggesting handing a whole bottle over to our LOs!!! Assumption is that he lives with you, so you have to ensure he won't dip into that open bottle. Perhaps find a way to mark the bottle, so you know none's been taken on the sly!

That said:
Although it certainly may be okay for those with dementia, it would be best to get approval from his doctor, which you've indicated you plan to do. Primary concern would be interaction with any medication he is taking and secondary would be the hallucinations. Some medications can't be taken with alcohol (alcohol might negate what the meds do sometimes, while other medications can enhance the effect of the alcohol.) If docs says there are no issues with medication or the hallucinations and approve it, I'd let him have the glass of wine with his meal. His time is limited, it isn't likely he's a drunk, just enjoys a glass a wine now and then. Why not make his day a little better, having his "treat"? Perhaps not with every meal, but if he requests it and doc says it's okay, go for it! We all have so little pleasures left these days and it's worse for our aging LOs who have already lost so much. Have one with him and make a special toast!

For some interesting info, see this:

https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/benefits-of-wine#bottom-line

I've often read that a glass of wine/day is somewhat healthy for one. Antioxidants and all that. After reading through the link contents, I was bumming because I don't drink wine, BUT it also says:

"Although research suggests that drinking a glass of wine has several potential health benefits, they can also be obtained by eating a healthy diet.

In other words, if you didn’t drink wine before, you don’t need to start simply for the health benefits."

Woo Hoo! I can get the bennies without holding my nose and gagging down a glass of wine!! BUT, with doc approval and father request, go get that wine!
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If he is on any of the medications for Alzheimer's disease, he should not drink alcohol. Alcohol increases the effects of the medications - leading to overdosage effects. However, 1 glass of wine daily will not create more dementia. Of course, you will need to be the bartender since I doubt your dad can remember to limit himself to just one.
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My mom is 98,,with dementia..and at this time in her life a small glass of wine 🍷 is a must with her cumber sandwiches 😋
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There's probably less alcohol in a glass of wine that in a shot of NyQuil. Don't know and don't care, really. I don't drink, but my MIL might drive me to it soon.

Speaking of MIL, her PCP recently told her to drink a glass or two of wine after dinner, hoping it would calm her down and help her sleep (anyone following my crazy story with MIL will remember she has not slept since I joined the family in '75)....my DH went and bought her the wine and she would NOT be seen in a liquor store and we don't have alcohol sold at Costco here in Utah.

It hasn't made her sleepy, she reports, but I think at least it takes the edge off her awful personality. My DH bought her 2 bottles and said to make it last (joking)..he doesn't care if she chugged both bottles.

Back in my GGfather's day, he was also told to take a 'tot of sherry' for his blood every night. That was over 100 years ago.

Haileybug---calm down, OK? Caring for the elderly is NOT a one size fits all. We appreciate your comments, but we're all dealing with so many different issues--
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haileybug Nov 2020
Midkid


LOL Haileybug is calm. : )
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Folks, I know I have already posted but I feel the need to elaborate "my opinion." Maybe, I should add a little reasoning as to why I believe OP should not give his/her dad a little glass of wine. (might even add some facts, bare with me.)

Remember now, I am not the boss here, OP is. He/she makes his/her own decisions, I just offer my advice/opinion, as everyone else here does.

You do know that wine (even in moderation) (and NO I do NOT drink) can cause/add mental confusion, diorientation. violence with others and so, so much more harmful things? That is well enough reasons right there not to give it to someone. Then a person with dementia at that.

In my "humble opinion", I wouldn't necessary go by what a doctor says, simply because they are human too. They are just like ME, you and everyone else. Just because they are doctors does not mean that they always have the right answer. They may mean well and they may not. Who knows? (I am not knocking doctors by no means) It is what it is.

My husband and I know of Memory Care Units who think it is fine to let their dementia patients smoke with heart disease and lung disease. Guess what happens to some of them? They end up in the hospital. I don't think that is a very wise decion.

Nevertheless, It is people's decision what they do.
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DobermanLover Nov 2020
We'll have to agree to disagree...when my Father was dying of cancer the hospital wouldn't allow him soda...guess what I gave it to him I snuck it in I didn't care what they thought, it was sucked out but who cares...it made him happy. These people are at the end of life who cares if they have a glass of wine...preach all you want...have a glass of wine...
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I do not allow the person in my house to have alcohol because she is on narco, fentanyl and a bunch of other meds that there is a reaction with and I refuse to be a part of that drama. You can ask a pharmacist about interactions.

On the other hand, when my grandfather was dying and knew he was, I was the person who let him enjoy a night before he died.
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AlvaDeer Nov 2020
Your points are excellent. Every situation is different, and there are many things to consider in anyone's personal equation.
In your first situation alcohol could have had very dire consequences. And in your second alcohol can be a comfort to someone in special circumstance.
There are excellent points made in this thread by all. I think OP has a lot of good points from a variety of posters.
I would love to know how OP has chosen, and what factors figured in his or her unique situation.
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I used to give my mom a small glass of wine, nightly. Yes, she had Alzheimer's. Yes, she was on meds. The doctor knew about this.

Dementia steals so much from them, why not continue with a nightly glass that she enjoyed. And we will all die of something. If drinking the wine has a risk of death then give me more.

If I get dementia, I would rather die sooner than later. And maybe, just maybe, I it hastens deat
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AlvaDeer Nov 2020
Your response makes me remember my beloved bro and my last visit to the ALF where my Mom was. We walked the halls, and all around us was so much of the long slow slide that my Mom was on, and that is inevitable for us all if we live so long.
We got home together, back to my Mom's place that we were moving her things preparatory to giving up her rooms. Sat together on the sofa having a big glass of wine, and my bro looked at me and said "You know, if I thought that cigarettes would take away one week of my life for every one cigarette smoked, I would take up chain smoking". That good man never did take up smoking, and had to live to 85 facing down Lewy's Dementia.
gladimhere, I am so with you. If I thought that a glass of wine would take away a week for every glass I drank down, you would have to pry the wine bottle out of my cold dead hand.
Thanks for my Saturday morning moment of levity.
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When my mother in law (a binge alcoholic) was in a nursing home she kept trying to leave to go get a beer. They asked me if it was okay to give her one of those half cans of beer once a day. She loved it, it didn't hurt her (because she could only get one can a day) and everyone was happy. So unless there is a safety or medical reason and you can control the intake then sure.
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Is dementia curable? No. Then why would a glass of wine hurt? And yet give temporary pleasure...
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Does the alcohol causes him some immediate behavioral change that is problematic? Does he become abusive? Violent? uncooperative? If not, let him enjoy a glass if that is what he wants.
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I will occasionally give my dad a half of glass of red wine. It does relax him.
It is always a great idea and advisable to ask the doctor 1st. Make sure he can have wine with current meds.
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When mom moved into Memory Care they gave her a glass a night. When she fell (not because of the wine) and came back from the hospital I worried about the wine with the pain meds. So I bought the little four packs of red wine and large bottle of the wine called Fre which is wine with the alcohol removed. I poured out the real wine from the small bottles and poured the Fre wine into them. She really never noticed the difference. Now that she is recovered, I leave a little “real” wine in the small bottles and fill the rest with the Fre wine. That way she gets some rest benefit from the real wine without too much alcohol and I can leave it fir her to drink when she wants.
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My husband used to drink ether wine or a beer with his evening meal. Now he'll mostly ask for water (shocker to me!) but every so often he'll ask for wine or a beer and he gets it. He's not on any opioid meds and doc is aware of the occasional glass or two with dinner.

Two years ago for a while he took to drinking a high ball size glass of white wine like it was water at all hours of the day. So I resorted to watering wine quite significantly and he never noticed. Saved me the argument and threats about not providing wine and kept him out of trouble. That was just a phase.

So unless he's on meds that have strong contra indications I would give him his glass of wine! Seems like he lives alone from what you say, so may be you can buy the individual serving cans, bottles or even glass shaped containers they sell today.
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