How to handle caregivers eating my mom's food?

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How to handle caregivers eating my mom's food?

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I took my mom to an Italian grocery/catering this past Wednesday afternoon. I bought her two 32oz containers of hearty soup, a 5lb baked ziti and two large crab cakes. I spent about $40. I was happy she would have this food for a good week, so I thought. I took her to dinner tonight and she told me everything I got for her at the Italian place was delicious. I took her home and opened her fridge and asked her where all the food was and she just shrugged. My mom usually eats a heavier lunch and light dinner. It’s in the caregivers contract not to eat her food, btw. I'm OK if they want to try a small taste, but they’re obviously chowing down. I know her caregivers are big eaters, too. I’m very put off by this. The monthly cost for their service is extremely high and now meals too? Also, my mom eats her dinner at 6 after they leave so the caregivers must’ve eaten everything at lunch in the last 2 days. She uses the caregivers from 8 till 5.

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Reinforce to them that moms on a special diet and that food for mom is prepared in a certain way. Were this me, I would hint that moms getting Metamucil or some other laxative.

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What a shame that they ate the special food that you brought for your mom.

Yeah, do as Peggy says, remind them again not to eat her food.

Hey, Peggy

I actually did place laxatives as bait in my lunch. A coworker kept stealing my lunch out of our lounge refrigerator. He took the bait and after that day he never stole my lunch again. LOL 😆 It was chocolate ex lax! Do they still make that? I was in my 20’s when I did that.

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Good for you. I had a boss do this and everyone thought it was funny. Not me, I was a single Mom on a very tight budget. I had bought 2 rolls and just enough ham and cheese for 2 days of lunch to hold be to payday. I had no xtra money to buy lunch. He was Jewish too.😊

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I just ordered my mom a home delivery SINGLE SERVING meal plan. This is my passive aggressive way of handling things. 🙂

OP

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Last year, we had food stealing problems, too. I changed caregivers (not only for that reason; it was the tip of the iceberg). I think when you see food/grocery stealing, be careful OP, there might be other bad things happening, too.

(8)

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I would inventory her house. Toilet tissue, tissues and papertowels. We had one OP that bought these in bulk. Thought it strange that one woman was using tons of toilet tissue. She started locking it up. Make sure all valuables are hidden. Certain rooms off limits.

I would remind the aides that Mom does not provide meals. Even if she says its OK, please do not eat her food. Then explain what you buy her, needs to last till the next time you visit. Don't accuse, Mom may have invited them and does not want to admit it.

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Be up front and honest, letting all in home caregivers know exactly what foods they can and cannot eat during their shifts. Place sticky notes on moms foods saying FOR MOM TO EAT ONLY, etc. While I believe in allowing employees to enjoy food with the elders they care for, it shouldnt be expensive specialty items you purchased specifically for her!

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We always try to provide food to our caregiver, because she is like family. When we were using an agency, they were not allowed to eat any of our food. But at the same time, there was a high turnover and we often didn’t have a caregiver. So we were very fortunate to find a private caregiver. I am not saying that this is happening with your mom, but my father had dementia. We did experience my father going into the kitchen at night and raiding the fridge. We didn’t mind him eating the food, but we wanted him to be safe. So we started setting out a snack on the table with the light on. He also wouldn’t remember if he had already eaten and sometimes would ask for more food. Maybe have a conversation with your caregiver and or agency manager and see if you can come up with a solution to spacing out the food for meals. Maybe divide it into separate containers and label for lunch or dinner and on what day. Explain that you are on a limited budget if this is the case and say that you need the food to last for a week. They may think that the food is leftovers and that the food can be shared. Communication is the key and I know your mother appreciates your care and help.

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This should have been made clear at hiring and if you had a contract with them.tell them your expectations.

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Remember to install cameras to keep track of what's going on in your mother's home.

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When someone steals from your loved one's home, you report it to the police. ☹️ I had to deal with an assault on a patient in her bedroom and we didn't call police. Wish I had, but that wasn't good for patient.

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With all the shootings and killings go on today ... the police have much better, if not horrific, situations to deal with besides a refrigerator raider. This is not a personal assault which would warrent a police intervention.

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If the caregivers are under contract from an agency, then definitely speak with the agency administration and, be clear about this boundary.

If you personally employ the caregivers without the backup of an agency, then you have taken on HR responsibility to supervise, direct, correct etc etc employees and,this is monumental . Many" caregivers" choose to work " independent" from an agency to avoid many aspects of agency " employment. Likewise many people choose to employ folks outside of an agency because they can usually pay them less ; however there are often issues.

If you are with an agency, direct the issue to the agency.
If you are not with an agency, you may want to re visit the pros and cons .

In the meantime, post a sign on your mother's refrigerator regarding the guidelines and boundaries you expect to be met. Verbally tell the caregivers in person. And, you may need to inform them of consequences if the direction is not adhered to.

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First, ask them and see what they say - how their demeanor is.
Deduct it from their pay.
Depends if you want to keep them or not. They may leave.
Sounds like it would be a good idea to get an/other/s anyway.

This is not okay.
Although I woudn't call the police for a refrigerator raider.

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Maybe portion out food into containers and mark them...say "lunch Tuesday" "dinner Friday" that should make it clear to the aides and easy for them to heat and serve your Mom.

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How do you know they’re big eaters? That’s a curious thing to say.

you said it’s in the contract they’re not to eat her food. OK, does that mean everything in the refrigerator or only things that are marked? How well did you spell it out So there’s no confusion?
ask your mother if she was inviting them to eat as someone said Is good.
you should already have a camera in the kitchen. If you don’t this is a good segue into placing one there.

so let them know that you’ve bought a camera and you don’t know who ate your mothers food but as it says in the contract no one is to eat your mothers food. Let them know you weren’t happy about the food gone missing because it was a special treat and it cost you a lot of money. Let them know the cameras not to be touched. Then handle it from there.
If you find them touching the camera or eating her food address it privately with them suggest that they have their pay docked, they reimburse you, or maybe they look for another job.
if you want to let them have some food then communicate that or leave notes for them and leave notes when you especially don’t want them to touch some thing.
You have to work with them and you have to confront them and it helps you live with yourself when you’re being honest with other people.

You can do it politely, don’t have to be nasty about it, just matter of fact - it’s a rule of the home that’s all.

Sorry she lost all that yummy delicious sounding food, gee.

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Lizhappens, you asked Twinkletoes "How do you know they’re big eaters? That’s a curious thing to say."

Take a wild guess: either she has witnessed them eating really large quantities, or they are really fat. Res ipsa loquitur.
The thing speaks for itself.

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My first thought is what else is missing?
I had a caregiver that helped herself to almost anything that was in my freezer. Did not know until I went to pull something out.
Toilet paper went missing, jewelry, cash.... (this in addition to damage to property)
I did report her. She was escorted off the property. Charges were filed. She did go to court. I did get jewelry back.
What you purchased was a lot of food for a week.
A portion of pasta is typically 1/2 pound. The 32 ounces of soup is probably supposed to be for a generous 2 servings. 2 crab cakes could be 1 serving. So you had enough for 15 meals.
If you do this again...when you get mom home YOU portion out the meals and place them in the freezer. I am thinking it will be more difficult for them to eat the food if it is frozen.
Are the caregivers from an agency? If so notify the agency. Inform the caregivers again that they are violating conditions of their contract and it it occurs again they will be terminated. (their employment...not them personally)
I would also consider installing cameras. You can not record audio in most states unless you have permission but you can record video. Cameras can not be placed in areas where a person would expect privacy. (no bathroom)

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Install cameras and let it be known. I worked as a caregiver and they had cameras in every room and the daughter could see on her phone at any time.

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Tell them you ALSO have a camera in the fridge that records everytime the door opens.

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Do the caregivers do a good job with mom and does she like them?

Good caregiving help is hard to find. What sort of bind would you find yourself in if they leave over $40 worth of food?

Did they have the lunch WITH your Mom? I’d imagine she enjoyed having somebody to eat with.

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You are absolutely right about that. You have to consider yourself extremely lucky if you have competent, kind people people who are reliable. They are hard to find.

The two women that care for my mom don’t eat any of her food. But if they are hungry of course they could.

Before my dad went to the nursing home, my parents always sat down to a nice dinner that the caregiver prepared under my mom’s supervision. The caregiver was always invited to eat with them.

I try to be decent, it’s a hard job and I am thankful that our caregivers do it so well. When I am staying with my mom, I will drive the afternoon caregiver home at night. She lives close by and does not have a car. I want her to know she is appreciated. She is part of our team.

(3)

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First of all, being a Care giver is an awful job, especially because the care giver is the scapegoat for everything. People somehow assume that the money that is paid to an agency goes directly into the caregiver's pocket, they get less than half. Don't retaliate or accuse your caregiver, you will never be able to sleep at night, again. You will be worrying that they are being mean to your mom, because you yelled at them. If you aren't worried, you should be.
Learn from your mistakes, don't buy great food for your mom to eat over a week. I know from experience that half of the food won't be eaten and will be thrown out. If you want to confront the Aid, think about your wording, say something thing like " my mom enjoys crab, but I am sure that she will share some with you. "

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Retired RN here! I have worked in many settings over 45 years of my career. For a while, I was a home health RN superviser as well as direct care giver. Never would I have thought my patients were to provide food/meals/snacks for me! I always had a small cooler packed with my own meals, snacks etc.!! Several times I was included by family/patient in a birthday or Christmas celebration, but that was food directly offered to me during a gathering. The thought of a caregiver rummaging around to find food for themselves is abhorrent to me, especially if the patient is unaware.

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Agree 100%

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II have seen the best and the worst of caregivers. Immediately contact the agency. We must protect our elderly. My mother-in-law was taken advantage of by caregivers who used her car and disappeared for 3 hours at a time to go to the grocery store. On the other hand there was an exceptional young man who assisted with my father in the same capacity. You have to try to find someone who is high in character and willing to do his or her job. In general after many years of taking care of an elderly disabled veteran, my father, I have realized that we have to as a nation consider our elderly important members of society. Unfortunately in this day and age youth seems to be revered. We must look to the elderly for wisdom.

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I've always handled food differently. I purchase quality unprepared food and have the caregiver, who's a really good cook, prepare it.

I want the person they are caring for to have fresh nutritious food.

I share food with the caregiver because I want them to feel like they are family and treat their patient likewise.

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The idea of "treating the caregivers as family" can backfire when they expect to receive things or privileges that are not in the employment agreement.

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All that I have ever used are private caregivers. I have only had this food issue with one of them who is no longer with me. I never thought that I would have to tell a caregiver that our food is not their food.

This particular caregiver would make herself big meals, cooking up a storm while my mother didn't care to eat what she was cooking. My mother herself told me one day "It's not your responsibility to feed these people".

My daughter and I walked in the door one day and the caregiver had the entire kitchen upside down while she was grilling herself a big juicy hamburger - that she had taken from my freezer and thawed - with all the trimmings. My daughter was appalled and surprised that I was putting up with it.

My opinion is this. I have never had an employer provide my meals, and I am not required to provide a caregiver meals.

My current caregivers bring their own food if they feel like they need to eat.

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Tell those caregivers to bring their Own Food! If they continue, replace them. It is very expensive to hire help.

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If you secure a caretaker who will meal plan and prepare meals, you will see where the food goes. They can prepare the food if Mom likes cooking, too. They can enjoy meals together.......nothing fancy. You can take her out for fancy meals or bring some to go orders and share a good meal with Mom. Many friendships are forged over good meals.............what a great outcome that would be to know Mom is appreciated.

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Call the company and tell them about it.

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Why not talk to the caregiver first, could be a communication error, and calling the company or administrator without first talking to the caregiver seems like a slap in the face. If I trust someone to care for my mother I think I can trust them with the items in the pantry.

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Get some individual,divided containers for each days meal. Label them with the day and what meal is her lunch for that day. You can always hide the food in the fridge.

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If the caregiver is through an agency, talk to the agency administration.
8-5 is a long shift, but the caregiver should be bringing their own food.
Also your Mom may be inviting them to join her.

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We took a very different tack on this. My sisters and I brought Mom's favorite foods and stocked the fridge, with notes of instruction on how to warm and serve. We encouraged the caregivers to help themselves to the food. Mom ate so little that it just didn't make sense to warm such a small amount. We also thought that if the caregivers were sharing Mom's food they wouldn't need to be paying attention to making their own food as well. They were working 12 hour shifts and we thought that if Mom's food appealed to them we were happy to share with them. The caregivers didn't really eat very much. The food was also there for whatever family members and friends were there when lunch or dinner happened. Mom was always a generous hostess and would not have been comfortable eating in front of anyone without sharing.

It cost us very little and made everyone feel more friendly to each other. Glad we did it.

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I think this is so lovely. A wonderful approach. But I also recognize that over time it is really expensive with the cost of things today. The cost of help is already so onerous. I just wonder how many can afford to do it over the long haul.
How kind, though, and I would imagine so appreciated.

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I think start with a gentle talk: tell the caregivers that you wish you could order in a feast for them every single day, that you appreciate them, and they deserve it, but that the cost of care is already tough for you to handle. Ask them please not to help themselves to items marked with your Mom's name alone, but welcome to those that say "For All", and then as Lea says, do mark them.

The cameras I think are a good idea over all just to be able to look in for safety sake, and I would think that whether you have caregivers for mom or have caregivers for an infant.

You have really good advice below and I sure hope something works for you.

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How to handle caregivers eating my mom's food?

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