How to handle caregivers eating my mom's food?

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How to handle caregivers eating my mom's food?

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II have seen the best and the worst of caregivers. Immediately contact the agency. We must protect our elderly. My mother-in-law was taken advantage of by caregivers who used her car and disappeared for 3 hours at a time to go to the grocery store. On the other hand there was an exceptional young man who assisted with my father in the same capacity. You have to try to find someone who is high in character and willing to do his or her job. In general after many years of taking care of an elderly disabled veteran, my father, I have realized that we have to as a nation consider our elderly important members of society. Unfortunately in this day and age youth seems to be revered. We must look to the elderly for wisdom.

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Retired RN here! I have worked in many settings over 45 years of my career. For a while, I was a home health RN superviser as well as direct care giver. Never would I have thought my patients were to provide food/meals/snacks for me! I always had a small cooler packed with my own meals, snacks etc.!! Several times I was included by family/patient in a birthday or Christmas celebration, but that was food directly offered to me during a gathering. The thought of a caregiver rummaging around to find food for themselves is abhorrent to me, especially if the patient is unaware.

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Agree 100%

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First of all, being a Care giver is an awful job, especially because the care giver is the scapegoat for everything. People somehow assume that the money that is paid to an agency goes directly into the caregiver's pocket, they get less than half. Don't retaliate or accuse your caregiver, you will never be able to sleep at night, again. You will be worrying that they are being mean to your mom, because you yelled at them. If you aren't worried, you should be.
Learn from your mistakes, don't buy great food for your mom to eat over a week. I know from experience that half of the food won't be eaten and will be thrown out. If you want to confront the Aid, think about your wording, say something thing like " my mom enjoys crab, but I am sure that she will share some with you. "

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Do the caregivers do a good job with mom and does she like them?

Good caregiving help is hard to find. What sort of bind would you find yourself in if they leave over $40 worth of food?

Did they have the lunch WITH your Mom? I’d imagine she enjoyed having somebody to eat with.

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You are absolutely right about that. You have to consider yourself extremely lucky if you have competent, kind people people who are reliable. They are hard to find.

The two women that care for my mom don’t eat any of her food. But if they are hungry of course they could.

Before my dad went to the nursing home, my parents always sat down to a nice dinner that the caregiver prepared under my mom’s supervision. The caregiver was always invited to eat with them.

I try to be decent, it’s a hard job and I am thankful that our caregivers do it so well. When I am staying with my mom, I will drive the afternoon caregiver home at night. She lives close by and does not have a car. I want her to know she is appreciated. She is part of our team.

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Tell them you ALSO have a camera in the fridge that records everytime the door opens.

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Install cameras and let it be known. I worked as a caregiver and they had cameras in every room and the daughter could see on her phone at any time.

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My first thought is what else is missing?
I had a caregiver that helped herself to almost anything that was in my freezer. Did not know until I went to pull something out.
Toilet paper went missing, jewelry, cash.... (this in addition to damage to property)
I did report her. She was escorted off the property. Charges were filed. She did go to court. I did get jewelry back.
What you purchased was a lot of food for a week.
A portion of pasta is typically 1/2 pound. The 32 ounces of soup is probably supposed to be for a generous 2 servings. 2 crab cakes could be 1 serving. So you had enough for 15 meals.
If you do this again...when you get mom home YOU portion out the meals and place them in the freezer. I am thinking it will be more difficult for them to eat the food if it is frozen.
Are the caregivers from an agency? If so notify the agency. Inform the caregivers again that they are violating conditions of their contract and it it occurs again they will be terminated. (their employment...not them personally)
I would also consider installing cameras. You can not record audio in most states unless you have permission but you can record video. Cameras can not be placed in areas where a person would expect privacy. (no bathroom)

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How do you know they’re big eaters? That’s a curious thing to say.

you said it’s in the contract they’re not to eat her food. OK, does that mean everything in the refrigerator or only things that are marked? How well did you spell it out So there’s no confusion?
ask your mother if she was inviting them to eat as someone said Is good.
you should already have a camera in the kitchen. If you don’t this is a good segue into placing one there.

so let them know that you’ve bought a camera and you don’t know who ate your mothers food but as it says in the contract no one is to eat your mothers food. Let them know you weren’t happy about the food gone missing because it was a special treat and it cost you a lot of money. Let them know the cameras not to be touched. Then handle it from there.
If you find them touching the camera or eating her food address it privately with them suggest that they have their pay docked, they reimburse you, or maybe they look for another job.
if you want to let them have some food then communicate that or leave notes for them and leave notes when you especially don’t want them to touch some thing.
You have to work with them and you have to confront them and it helps you live with yourself when you’re being honest with other people.

You can do it politely, don’t have to be nasty about it, just matter of fact - it’s a rule of the home that’s all.

Sorry she lost all that yummy delicious sounding food, gee.

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Lizhappens, you asked Twinkletoes "How do you know they’re big eaters? That’s a curious thing to say."

Take a wild guess: either she has witnessed them eating really large quantities, or they are really fat. Res ipsa loquitur.
The thing speaks for itself.

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Maybe portion out food into containers and mark them...say "lunch Tuesday" "dinner Friday" that should make it clear to the aides and easy for them to heat and serve your Mom.

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First, ask them and see what they say - how their demeanor is.
Deduct it from their pay.
Depends if you want to keep them or not. They may leave.
Sounds like it would be a good idea to get an/other/s anyway.

This is not okay.
Although I woudn't call the police for a refrigerator raider.

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If the caregivers are under contract from an agency, then definitely speak with the agency administration and, be clear about this boundary.

If you personally employ the caregivers without the backup of an agency, then you have taken on HR responsibility to supervise, direct, correct etc etc employees and,this is monumental . Many" caregivers" choose to work " independent" from an agency to avoid many aspects of agency " employment. Likewise many people choose to employ folks outside of an agency because they can usually pay them less ; however there are often issues.

If you are with an agency, direct the issue to the agency.
If you are not with an agency, you may want to re visit the pros and cons .

In the meantime, post a sign on your mother's refrigerator regarding the guidelines and boundaries you expect to be met. Verbally tell the caregivers in person. And, you may need to inform them of consequences if the direction is not adhered to.

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When someone steals from your loved one's home, you report it to the police. ☹️ I had to deal with an assault on a patient in her bedroom and we didn't call police. Wish I had, but that wasn't good for patient.

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With all the shootings and killings go on today ... the police have much better, if not horrific, situations to deal with besides a refrigerator raider. This is not a personal assault which would warrent a police intervention.

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Remember to install cameras to keep track of what's going on in your mother's home.

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This should have been made clear at hiring and if you had a contract with them.tell them your expectations.

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We always try to provide food to our caregiver, because she is like family. When we were using an agency, they were not allowed to eat any of our food. But at the same time, there was a high turnover and we often didn’t have a caregiver. So we were very fortunate to find a private caregiver. I am not saying that this is happening with your mom, but my father had dementia. We did experience my father going into the kitchen at night and raiding the fridge. We didn’t mind him eating the food, but we wanted him to be safe. So we started setting out a snack on the table with the light on. He also wouldn’t remember if he had already eaten and sometimes would ask for more food. Maybe have a conversation with your caregiver and or agency manager and see if you can come up with a solution to spacing out the food for meals. Maybe divide it into separate containers and label for lunch or dinner and on what day. Explain that you are on a limited budget if this is the case and say that you need the food to last for a week. They may think that the food is leftovers and that the food can be shared. Communication is the key and I know your mother appreciates your care and help.

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Be up front and honest, letting all in home caregivers know exactly what foods they can and cannot eat during their shifts. Place sticky notes on moms foods saying FOR MOM TO EAT ONLY, etc. While I believe in allowing employees to enjoy food with the elders they care for, it shouldnt be expensive specialty items you purchased specifically for her!

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I would inventory her house. Toilet tissue, tissues and papertowels. We had one OP that bought these in bulk. Thought it strange that one woman was using tons of toilet tissue. She started locking it up. Make sure all valuables are hidden. Certain rooms off limits.

I would remind the aides that Mom does not provide meals. Even if she says its OK, please do not eat her food. Then explain what you buy her, needs to last till the next time you visit. Don't accuse, Mom may have invited them and does not want to admit it.

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I just ordered my mom a home delivery SINGLE SERVING meal plan. This is my passive aggressive way of handling things. 🙂

OP

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Last year, we had food stealing problems, too. I changed caregivers (not only for that reason; it was the tip of the iceberg). I think when you see food/grocery stealing, be careful OP, there might be other bad things happening, too.

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What a shame that they ate the special food that you brought for your mom.

Yeah, do as Peggy says, remind them again not to eat her food.

Hey, Peggy

I actually did place laxatives as bait in my lunch. A coworker kept stealing my lunch out of our lounge refrigerator. He took the bait and after that day he never stole my lunch again. LOL 😆 It was chocolate ex lax! Do they still make that? I was in my 20’s when I did that.

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Good for you. I had a boss do this and everyone thought it was funny. Not me, I was a single Mom on a very tight budget. I had bought 2 rolls and just enough ham and cheese for 2 days of lunch to hold be to payday. I had no xtra money to buy lunch. He was Jewish too.😊

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Reinforce to them that moms on a special diet and that food for mom is prepared in a certain way. Were this me, I would hint that moms getting Metamucil or some other laxative.

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