I have a female health-aide who is married and 60. I am a 62-year-old male. I feel somewhat uncomfortable about her helping me bathe because I need a total left-hip replacement and it is hard for me to stand up in the shower to bathe, she has no problem with it, I just feel uncomfortable about it. What should I do, should I let her help me anyways or what?
In your situation, your first choice would be to request a male aide on days that you need a bath.
If a male aide is not available, then you only have one choice left, let the female aide helps you bathe. She has no problem and is comfortable helping you. Maybe, after one or two times, you, too, will feel comfortable having her help.
Your choice should never be taking a bath on your own without help, or forgoing baths.
Also, you should really have a shower chair in the tub so you can sit. Don't risk falling, it's dangerous.
Wishing you a speedy recovery, so you can be independent again.
I have a great idea!!!! Wear a pair of basketball like shorts, No zippers...10bucks at Walmart. You do the washing of your privates as you sit on a stool!!!! I had to go through that stuff & learn to walk again, button my shirts, put on clothes, tie shoes LOL I am blessed ,Your new Buddy Jack Take care my Friend! God will Help You! & I will 2 IF u Want!
I remember being so shy being washed when in hospital as a 20yr old! The nurses being so business-like helped. They explained they truly saw naked people every single working day - it was a non-issue to them. I imagine most aides would be similar.
Good luck for your hip surgery when it happens. You will probably be washed in bed the first day in hospital, then assisted to wash until independent again too. You'll be so fine with all that by then 😃.
Have you tried a bench seat or chair in the shower?
I used to get used walkers from resale stores to put in the shower for my Husband. He would use them to steady himself.
Place secure grab bars in the shower or tub so that you can hold on to something secure. (If you have a shower with sliding shower doors I suggest you remove them and use a shower rod and curtain. It is so easy to grab hold of the towel bar for support if you need it and they are not meant for support. Also if you slip the shower doors could shatter. Granted they are, most of them, tempered glass or plastic, so the risk of cutting yourself with glass is minimal.)
But getting to your aide. This is her JOB. Unless she has done anything that makes you feel uncomfortable let her help you. If you feel very strongly about it can you request a male aid 2 or 3 days a week and he can help you. Or would you feel uncomfortable with a male aide?
YOU do what YOU feel comfortable doing. But just remember this is just her job.
Some thin cotton boxers would work too. My DH had a problem with female nurses and he wanted ME to help him all the time. It just wasn't feasible and usually I'd wind up soaking wet, at the hospital with him and looking like a wet dog. Also he's 15" taller than me--should he have slipped---gosh I can't think how bad that would have been.
At home, DH had a shower chair. He could sit on that and let the hot water sluice over him until it ran cold. His showers were something he looked forward to--lying in bed a lot..you feel so stanky.
If this continues, simply request a male bathing aide. This is a VERY common dynamic. You need to focus on getting better and you don't need any stress added to what is already going to be a challenge.
I worked with Visiting Nurses and I was in charge of the durable loan closet. I helped my GF set up her apt bathroom to make things easier for her. Her apt was not handicapped accessible.
First thing I did was get her a shower chair, handheld shower head and a commode. With the commode I took off the back bracket and slid the commode over the toilet. Instead of a bucket, you use a splatter shield. The legs of the commode can be adjusted to fit over the bowl of the toilet. What is great is you have the arms of the commode to help you get up and down and stability with the legs. For her tub, I went to the dollar store and found a plastic cup/toothbrush holder that held her bottle of shampoo/body wash and razors. A soap dish and another cup holder. All with suction cups. I put them where she could reach them sitting down. There are holders for the handheld shower heads so you can have them within reach while sitting. But I took two of those 3M hooks shaped like candycanes, placing them side by side and layed the handle in them within her reach. Those hooks are good for placing wash cloths on. I have seen hooks inside hotel showers hung away from the shower spray so the towel is right there.
Its sounds to me you would have no problem washing yourself if you had a shower chair. Then all you would have to do is wrap a towel around you till you got into the shower. She leaves, you remove it, and bathe yourself. Hope my suggestions help.
I'm assuming that the lady is a trained professional health-aide. In that case, she will certainly have done practical and written courses in "Moving and Manual Handling" and will know how to support you when you are stepping into the shower, sitting down on the shower chair or bath board, standing and balancing to wash, and getting out again. Nothing more than average strength is required for any of this - it's pretty much a rule for caregivers that if you're using any great force or muscle power, you're doing it wrong.
If it is a matter of privacy and dignity, and you are uncomfortable with a female assisting your personal care, the best thing you can do is tell her that you feel uncomfortable. Once she is aware of your feelings, she can take extra care throughout the routine so that you hardly notice she's there.
But this is completely your choice. If having a female present is not acceptable to you then neither the aide nor her agency/employer should object to your requesting a male aide for personal care.
Please remember that all of us have one of only two complementary sets of smelly bits, and most of us have years of experience of navigating the other set that we don’t have ourselves. I probably lost qualms as a teenager having to strip frequently for doctors to see my full length curvy spine, but now I get far more concerned about whether other people are embarrassed, than being embarrassed myself. Be brave!
I definitely agree with others on getting a chair for your shower.
Anyone would be uncomfortable , I mean the last time someone bathed me I was a child .
You do however, need the help .
Possible solutions :
Wear loose boxer briefs or thin shorts in the shower to cover your modesty while you bathe your private area .
The waist must fit snug but the legs must be short ( upper thigh) and roomy so you can reach up and in . You can then have a towel tied around your waist at the end and drop the briefs in the shower to be laundered.
Simply tell her . A health aide is someone who has to develop a close relationship with you not only in proximity but emotionally so they look out for what's best in your case . Be honest , keep it light , and see what she says .
Invest in a bathing chair. You can sit comfortably in the shower and reach everything well. Get something to put the towel on right outside the shower so she can then come in and help you stand to exit .
Please remember, though this is an unusual experience for you, she presumably has dealt with this sort of thing before .
Don't be afraid to speak your mind . It's all about keeping you happy and safe while you wait for your surgery.
Best of luck to you and a speedy recovery.
If not, tell her you are uncomfortable. Sometimes just verbalizing this feeling helps. After a few showers, it should get better. If after a few, it doesn't, this person is the wrong shower aide.
You don't say that you cannot stand up in the shower... just that you need hip replacement and is hard for you to do?
Maybe some other things that will help you?
1. Could it be the age of the woman that is bathing you is the problem? You are too close in age? Well... get someone who is younger. You have every right to ask for someone else. Right now, I take care of a gentleman who is my age and he will NOT allow me to bathe him or "see his private parts". He lets the others younger than me do the bathing.
2. You could wear undies while bathing and when it comes time for your "privates" to be washed... people usually have a problem with the front but not the back so.... she stands towards the back and you wash the front while she washes your buttocks. Would this help?
3. Or... keep a towel over your privates. I have had men especially do this when they are uncomfortable. Even if you have to sit while cleaning your privates, you can wash the front yourself, right?
4. Another way.... while sitting on the toilet. Especially if you have a sink close by, get the water from the sink, fill a large, (plastic) glass with water and while sitting back on toilet, pour water down front. Wash front, rinse and dry. Sit towards front of toilet and do the same for the backside. You can wash the front with soapy water while she gloves and washes, rinses and dries your backside.
I hope this helps. Also... FYI....here is what many could use..... those pads that women use for their periods. Men should get some and try this..... take a pad and use one in the front to catch urine. Some men wrap a pad around their penis at night? This way, your "depends" for the most part will stay dry. Much easier to just change a pad than a depends and less expensive, too!!!!
God bless you all. Be safe
I have bathed hundreds of people over my 30 years and think nothing of it. Just a part of care... a part of life. The goal is to "GET YOU CLEAN AND FEELING GREAT!".
You have two choices.
Dissues your feelings with her and she should be able to come up with something.
#1 You get a Male Aide to help you on the days you take a shower/bath.
#2. You wear your underwear in the shower/bath or have your privates covered with a towel at all times.
Just like getting a massage, you privates are never exposed.
I used to have to give injections and I had so many men uncomfortable about showing their rear end. I told them I don’t look at your rear as a whole, just the one upper quadrant I am injecting. They always felt better the next time around.
you will become more comfortable over time. My Dad used to hate getting bathed. He is almost 94 and now his favorite aid is female. If anyone else has to bathe him he will say they don’t give a bath like his regular aid.
good luck with your future surgery