MIL ex-husband abandoned her and divorved her. But she now has lost her ability to make good decisions. We are POA for her. He insits on visiting her while he tells our family les about us and harasses us on the phone and in writing. We dont want him to visit her or at least want to limit his visits. We had an agreement with the nusring home to restrict the days he visits but he jus wrote our family, defaming us and telling everyone he can visit any time he chooses using the Patient Bill of rights as a basis.
Our question is, as POA can we at least limit his visits, especially since he harasses us constantly? Do we have to have a restraining order to do so or can we take other actions first?
We met with the nuring facility staff as agreed to allow him to see her ( my MIL wants to see him) on certain days so we would not run into each other, but he insists he ca come any time he wants and WE are the problem.
He constantly starts rumors with our family and they seem to believe him but he shows his real self to us by text messages and letters. He even threatened me with violence.
He WAS married to my MIL for about 5 years and they when she showed signs of her debilitation, he divorced her thinking he would have to use his own money to assist her. She has long term care ins from her first husband so this did not make much sense, but he divorced her anyway.
He is a promenant member of the local church and we feel like he is just trying to make a show to save face. We met with his pastor and even the pastor thinks he is a bit flakey.
Anyway, he has his own health issues and we are afraid he mishandles her when he takes her out of the facility to eat or otherwise, plus my MIL need assistance to use the restroom and they are not married so he has to undress her, clean her etc and that seem digusting.
We are tryng to balance my MIL wanting to see him and his attitude of dominance, harassment and disruption of our family by spreading lies about us. We'd like to avoid lawyers but it seems we may not have a choice, however, it also seem there is not much protection under the law for us anyway.
Any ideas, has anyone else had to deal with this kind of situation and what did you do?
You have all chosen to make MIL the center of your feud with each other. Leave her out of it. If he brings her joy, it's not up to you to limit their contact.
Stop acting like children. Why do I say that? Because in your lengthy question, you never once said MIL was anything other than happy to see him. Restraining order? Really? You folks have really escalated this, haven't you?
Your husband's mother has little enough joy in her life. Stop the nonsense.
This man sounds like early dementia himself, so he should NOT have firearms of any kind. You ask for an "Order of Protection" to keep him away from you and demand "Supervised Visitation" when he is at the facility, including forbidding him to remove her from the premises. His behavior will worsen as his dementia/Alzheimer's progresses.
If he makes credible threats, go have a chat with the local police and find out what you would need to do to protect yourselves.
I'm curious what his complaint is? Does he want to see her at your home, rather than getting care in a facility ?
If she doesn't object to being taken out by him, and if she is still competent, I'm not sure what can be done. How about before you visit, you call your mom to find out if he's there?
Problem is these are all phone conversations so probabaly wouldnt be used in court etc. althoigh my wife did hear the conversation where he treatened me and others.
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